Hitting Home
by Merrywetherweather
Summary: A sequel to Close to Home. Dave and Karkat are still in a relationship after almost a year of dating and cohabiting. A sudden argument causes Karkat to leave for a walk to cool his head and he comes back to find the apartment door ajar. The place is a mess, his underwear is in plain sight, the cops are incompetent, Terezi's still a bamf, and where the fuck is Dave?
1. At Least Wear A Jacket

A warm rage boiled in the pit of Karkat's stomach as he vented his anger to Dave, "I can't fucking believe you! You're such an insensitive ass! Why can't you just put yourself in my position a little bit?"

"Maybe because you're kind of being irrational right now? I did evaluate my goddamn behavior tonight and I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong!" Only Karkat could make Dave shout like that. Get emotional and dysfunctional like that.

"Irrational?! Fuck you!" Karkat panted heavily, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. There was a break in their dispute. A dimming buzz filled the space between them, cooling the rage and leaving a bitter aftertaste. Karkat took a deep breath and broke the silence. "If you can't take a second to think things through about what happened tonight then it looks like I'm gonna have to do the self-reflecting for the both of us. I'm going for a walk."

Karkat wrapped his hand around the doorknob, opening it a crack. "Hey, wait…" The concern in Dave's voice caused him to hesitate. He retracted his hand a few centimeters and let it hover above the knob. "At least wear a jacket..."

The words made him bristle. They weren't what he needed to hear. Or maybe they just weren't what he wanted to hear. "Fuck off!"

He slammed the door shut behind him.

Karkat shivered in the autumn chill as he walked the streets of his neighborhood. The occasional street lamp was lit, creating a rhythmic disturbance in the ominous shroud of nighttime encircling him. He tried to rub his arms with his hands but self-generated heat was apparently a rare commodity tonight. "Damn…" He hissed under his breath as he tried to stubbornly will himself to be warmer with the remaining adrenaline rush that had accompanied him in his last few moments of fighting with Dave.

They had been together for a little less than a year now and like most couples they had some adjusting and reprioritizing to do to meet each other halfway. Karkat just didn't know how long that was supposed to take, or if maybe, it was supposed to be a reoccurring thing that happened throughout their relationship. He never really knew what happened after the characters got together at the end of his romance novels. He had never taken the time to think about it. That wasn't supposed to be the exciting part. The unrequited feelings and tortuous moments of 'almost's that made readers sit on the edge of their seats. That he understood. The complications of learning to cohabitate and the arguments that occasionally reared their ugly heads… That was something he knew next to nothing about. He blamed himself mostly, for relying on fiction as reference material. It was preposterous to think he could romanticize reality enough to relate to it completely.

Dave wasn't perfect, like the dashing male leads in his books were. He was a charismatic, sweet talking asshole that liked to get on Karkat's last nerve just as much as he liked to rile him up in other ways. As far as Karkat was concerned, much more preferable ways. Dave Strider was nothing like the characters from his books. Dave Strider was better. Dave Strider was also a hell of a lot worse.

 _But that's why you love him, you dense fuck._

Karkat stopped walking. He stood there stock-still on the sidewalk and thought about how that thought had managed to squirm its way into his practically impenetrable wall of a seething rage soliloquy. He leaned against one of the street lamps and glared at the pavement, his arms crossed tightly against his chest.

Karkat did love him.

He loved how he was something completely unexpected. He loved how he followed his own way of doing things. He loved how, when he noticed something was off, he made sure to slow his own pace down just so Karkat knew he would always be his first priority.

" _At least wear a jacket…"_

"Fuck!" Karkat threw his head back and let his frustrations spread into the sky with the visible white smoke of his breath. He spun around and made his way back to his apartment complex.

He had been a bit too hotheaded. Dave really didn't deserve to get yelled at like that. Karkat didn't even give him a chance to explain himself. They would talk things through like they always did and salvage what was left of the night.

He travelled up the stairs of his building and passed his old living arrangements. He paused. The door to Dave's apartment, the door to their home was about halfway open. The lights inside were off, dark and unsettling. Karkat's pulse quickened. That wasn't right. He had shut the door when he had left. And if Dave had decided to go out he certainly wouldn't have left it open.

Slowly he pushed the door inward and peered inside. It creaked on its hinges and he swore to himself he'd oil it after he stopped being paranoid over a potential break-in… Okay he was lying to himself but he could pretend he'd get to it. He took a step inside and glass crunched underfoot.

Fear jolted through him and he flicked on the lights.

Terezi arrived at the apartment at three in the morning. The police arrived fifteen minutes later.

"So how did you come upon the scene? Recount the events leading up to this, please," The officer apathetically inquired while writing in a notebook, a heavy lisp hitting every 's' he tried to pronounce.

"I-I just walked in- The door was open- but I still walked in and I turned on the lights- I stepped on glass- so I turned on the lights and the apartment was a wreck. Almost all of our shit is broken. Clothes were strewn everywhere," Karkat eyed a pair of his boxers hanging off of the overturned sofa. He grabbed it and stuffed it in his pants pocket, "Are still strewn everywhere. The dumb lava lamp he got me for my birthday is broken."

"Hey, can you please put that back? You're tampering with evidence." The cop gestured with his pen at the boxers. Karkat flushed and, with heightened attitude, placed them back onto the couch.

Terezi remained impassive, only holding his hand and absentmindedly playing with the way her fingers fit with his.

"Was anything reported missing or stolen?"

"I can't find his sword."

"His what?"

"His shitty anime sword! He has a sword. I don't know." Karkat groaned and plopped down next to the upside down couch. Terezi continued to hold his hand, leaning forward to accommodate.

"Sir, please stand up. You are tampering with eviden-"

"Oh put a cork in in, Sollux. Give him a break. It's _his_ home for god's sake. There are gonna be plenty of places in this apartment with his ass cheek imprints plastering surfaces. What's one more?"

"How about you stick to lawyering and I stick to policing, alright?"

"God, you are such a prick! Someone's partner goes missing and all you can do is berate the guy. Show some human fucking decency!"

"We don't actually know that he's missing yet. He _is_ an adult. He could have just fucked everything up and left."

"Dave wouldn't do that!" Karkat stood back up and got in the cop's face. The room went quiet. Karkat felt a wave of heat wash over him as he realized how childish the outburst had sounded. "He wouldn't…"

The cop, "Sollux", sighed. "Listen, we gotta cover this from every angle and like it or not we have to speculate some things to get a clearer picture. Did you guys fight a lot?"

"Not really. Not more than what's normal for average couples."

"Kid, I hate to tell you this but, statistically speaking, the average couple usually ends in separation. Divorce is on the incline. Moving on…"

Terezi leaned over to Sollux and whispered in his ear, "I find his use of the word 'kid' when he is our age to be quite demeaning."

Karkat sighed, "Terezi… I'm over here." He gently pulled her away from Sollux.

She cackled nervously, "Oops. Sorry, I'm kind of freaking out here myself."

Sollux squinted at her but continued, "That's okay, Ma'am. As I was saying, did you fight just before you left?"

"Well yes but-"

"That's imperative information. Gotta write that down. Alright, did he ever talk about leaving you or did you ever have suspicions of him cheating on you? Did he ever abuse you? You said he had a sword-"

"That's enough of that!" Terezi screeched. "Dave would never do that! Right, Karkat?"

A burning sensation itched at his nose.

"Karkat?"

 _Don't cry in front of this douchebag. Don't you do it!_

Sollux flipped his notebook closed and let out another deeply troubled sigh. "Okay, I think we're done with the interrogation. I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I just gotta cover all of the bases, ya know?"

"Yes, we are aware," Terezi practically growled, hooking an arm around Karkat's shoulders.

"You've got nothing to worry about. If you're sure he hasn't run off with someone and he is missing, we'll be able to find him. We've got a crack crew on the case as we speak."

A shattering noise punctuated Sollux's sentence. The trio looked over to find another cop lying down on the floor next to a broken lamp.

"Uh… That kind of hurt," the officer muttered.

Terezi and Karkat turned their skeptical looks back to Sollux.

"That's Tavros. He's new."

"Listen, Captor. I don't doubt that you could come through if we needed you but considering the family background of some of the parties involved I think we need to look at this from a different angle. One where you guys might not be able to handle everything that's going on," Terezi spoke to him more casually, a lot of tension leaving her body. They must have become good acquaintances at some point, since they shared a similar line of work.

"You mean gang involvement?" Sollux looked down at Karkat. "Your boyfriend involved with the mafia or something?"

Terezi cleared her throat. "Other way around."

" _Him_? What are your ties?"

Karkat fidgeted under both of their stares. "You know The Midnight Crew?"

Sollux actually quirked a grin, "Yeah, what about 'em?"

"Their leader's sort of my dad."

"Jesus." Sollux took a moment to walk in a small circle, away from where they had been standing, before merging back into the conversation. He rubbed the back of his head. "This is giving me a killer headache. You do know this means anyone could have done this right? Literally everyone has something against The Midnight Crew. How are you not lining a coffin yet?"

"Wow. Being super concerned and sympathetic right now," Terezi grumbled.

"This case might be unsolvable, you know? If he really didn't just leave on his own," Karkat shot him a defiant glare, "this could be a mess."

"So when it gets messy, clean it up."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Captor. Lend me a favor and keep a pair of rose tinted spectacles on while overseeing the case."

"You want me to help you cover up shit when it starts surfacing?"

"I also want you to give me information every time something new comes up. I want to help decide what's _relevant_."

"I hate the way you said that. I'm supposed to be unbiased. I'm the chief investigator on this case. It could be my ass on the line."

"It could also be your big payday. Just keep us in the loop. We could provide valuable insight on what goes down and when." A glint of light passed over Terezi's glasses. "Lest I remind you who saved your ass from going home drunk with a certain unwanted suitor?"

"I had beer goggles on! I was plastered! You can't hold that against me forever!"

"Okay, well think it over, at least for tonight. I wanna get Karkat settled. He looks bushed."

Terezi and Sollux peered down at Karkat. "What?"

"You look worse than the apartment. She's right. Get some sleep."

Before he could snap a retort back, Terezi pulled Karkat out into the hallway and stopped them in front of his old place of residency.

"How do you know that barely sentient glob of phlegm?"

"We're drinking buddies. He gets shitfaced to forget about his hard day at work and I get tipsy to get tips."

Karkat sighed, "I guess I'll sleep in my old apartment tonight. I've still got some bedding and a few toiletries over here."

"You haven't moved out completely?" Terezi's face fell.

Karkat shrugged, "It's not like I'm not trying to adjust to living with Dave, I just liked having the independence when I first moved in, you know? I haven't actually slept in there since we started going out." I just kept it to-"

"To fall back on? God, you're already anxious enough and that asshole was asking such insensitive questions, implying Dave would ever… He wouldn't. You and I both know that. You really ought to stop paying the rent on this place. It's deadweight. Take that as sound economic and relationship advice from a friend."

"I know. God, what do I do? Where would he go?"

Terezi looked pensive for a moment. "Well, he does have a few friends he could rely on if he did need a place to crash or if he needed to lay low for a bit. You could always check with them."

"Do you have their addresses?"

"Sure. I'll text you a list of his possible hidey-holes when I get back home. Just… Please get some sleep. Promise me?" She ducked down and kissed the top of his head. "And call me if anything happens. I'll be on the bastards that've wronged you like stink on a manure pile."

"Gross. Super Lawyer Terezi Pyrope to the rescue." Karkat gave her a tentative smile and small wave as she left.


	2. The Harley-Berts

The unholy noise of birds chirping in the early morning caused Karkat to stir. He rolled over, seeking the warmth that Dave usually left behind, when he got up to make them coffee. The sheets were cooler on the other side of the bed. Karkat tugged the comforter closer and inhaled, expecting Dave's scent to envelop him, to comfort him. Instead, dysphoria washed over him in waves as the unnatural aroma of laundry detergent met his nose. He fell off the bed.

"Shit!" Karkat got up and pulled the blanket back over his body, shielding himself from a draft coming from a direction he couldn't pinpoint. He walked out into his kitchen and stared at the stove. He could picture Dave standing there, singing softly under his breath, quite possibly making omelets. Karkat would walk over and hug him from behind, resting his head on his sturdy back. Dave would call him a caterpillar trying to wrap himself up in his cocoon and Karkat would huff at him but his heart would flutter.

He sat down at the table and glared at the countertop, willing himself to not panic. He couldn't just cry whenever shit got too hot to handle. Terezi, sharing no family affiliation with the mafia, was stronger than he was last night. And he had almost broken down in front of that dipshit cop. Karkat sighed and thumped his head down on the table. He had a headache and the cooling flat surface did little to appease the pain.

The situation felt unreal. Where was Dave? What had happened in their apartment? Who would be after him? Was someone after him? The questions swirling around in his brain caused him to rise. He left the blanket on his chair and walked back to the bedroom. He picked up his cell phone from the nightstand. He had two new messages.

The first was from Kanaya.

"Please call me when you get a moment. Terezi called me last night. I need to inquire about your wellbeing." She must be worried, but Karkat wasn't ready to talk to her just yet.

The second text was from Terezi. Just like she had promised the night before, she had sent him a few names and addresses to start his search for Dave. The first name on the list was Rose Lalonde, his cousin. Karkat was fast to disregard her involvement. Kanaya would have messaged him if Dave had gone over to stay with them, rather than just ask about his mental state. Plus, he was certain Dave would only ever go to Rose's place for help as a last resort on the principle that he was constantly getting owned by her psychobabble.

The second person listed was named "John Egbert". Karkat immediately cringed at how chunky the syllables in his last name sounded aloud. Terezi said he was living on 413 Windsor Street and had described him as "a pure-hearted guy that likes to be kind of silly if not outright stupid some times." Perfect. A loony.

The last person on the list was a girl he had never heard of before. "Jade Harley". She was apparently John's sister, even though they didn't share the same surname. She lived about five blocks away from John's place, 121 Baker's Street, with their cousin Jane Crocker. Karkat narrowed his eyes suspiciously. What was with these people being so close and having completely different last names? Terezi's description of Jade was "a bit eccentric but really smart and strong willed. Good luck!"

So this is what he had to work with. Okay. He could do this. He could totally do this. He got up and looked in his mirror. First he would put on some pants.

He had found a box of Cheerios in his cupboards that had long ago gone stale. Nevertheless, he still ate two handfuls for a quick breakfast. He left the apartment around eleven. He hopped into his Buick and started to drive.

Windsor Street was located in a nice little neighborhood with plenty of trees lining the sidewalks and a few local kids running amuck all over the place. Karkat parked the Buick in front of 413 and watched as one of the children tried to run across John's lawn. The boy, aged around eleven or ten, came to a sudden and unexpected stop on the brick walkway leading from the sidewalk to the porch. Karkat grumbled as he observed the scene, "What the fuck?" His whole body jolted forward but his feet remained where they were. Karkat got out of the car.

"Hey, you alright?" Karkat called out to him.

The boy pouted and tried to move his feet, ignoring Karkat's concern.

"Hey!" Karkat walked up next to the path, choosing to remain on the grass. "I said, 'Are you alright?'"

The boy turned to him. "You gotta get out of here! We're both in terrible danger!" His theatrics were humorous but there was an actual underlying dread to his words.

Before Karkat could inquire further into the boy's warning, a grown man jumped from the bushes by the house and started squirting the stranded boy and the unsuspecting Karkat with a hose. "Busted, Johnny! Sorry, kids, but my prankster's gambit is at an all-time high today!"

The boy's feet were freed once the water washed away whatever epoxy had held him in place. Karkat and the boy put their hands up to protect their faces. The kid screamed in mock fear, "Oh, no! It's John!"

Karkat's eyes, despite the total drenching his face was receiving, widened in surprise. "THAT'S JOHN?!" He was about Dave's height but his shoulders were broader and his skin was much darker. His hair was black and there was a glint from the sun shining off of his humorously square and dorky glasses.

The boy looked over at Karkat, like he had just remembered he was still there. "Oh, balls. John, stop! Civilian casualty!"

"Some sacrifices must be made for the greater good!"

Karkat walked into the oncoming blast of water, shielding himself until he was close enough to John. He snatched the hose out of his hands and tied it into a knot. "Hey! Gardening hoses aren't cheap, buddy."

"Neither were my clothes, that kid's shoes, or the vast amount of water you were wasting!"

"Oh geez. I'm sorry. I didn't know the fun police were here, officer." He gave a smug buck-toothed grin that almost made Karkat punch him. Almost. He breathed in deeply. Being around Dave had helped him learn how to calm down when things got too much for him to handle.

 _But Dave's not here right now._

The thought overwhelmed him. John's smile slipped away from his face. "Hey, you don't look so good, buddy. You okay?"

"No. No I am not okay, Egderp. Nor am I your fucking 'buddy'."

John looked perplexed at Karkat's intended mispronunciation. "Do I know you?"

"No, but you will. Can I come inside?"

"That's a little forward."

"I'm looking for Dave."

John shifted his glasses so they weren't sliding off of his face. "You know Dave? Are you friends?" He seemed more open now, friendlier.

"I'm his- We're- Um... We're currently dating." Karkat flushed and tried to gauge John's stance on the whole reveal.

"Oh, uh… okay! You must be Cricket something."

" _Karkat_ ," He hissed between his teeth.

"Yeah, Dave mentioned you a few times." That stung. "Why are you looking for him?"

"He's missing. Or at least, I think he's missing. I think someone broke into our apartment while I was out and now he's… gone."

"You sure he didn't just. Um…"

"Didn't what?"

"Well… Leave you?"

Karkat socked him hard in the gut. John let out an audible whooshing noise as the air left his sternum and he doubled over onto the lawn. "Listen here, 'buddy', Dave is not that kind of guy. He wouldn't have just ended it like that! He would have said something!"

John rubbed at his abdominals and got back on his feet. "Okay! Okay! Sorry! Geez… You're right. That was kind of insensitive of me to say. I mean, I guess you'd know him more than me now that the two of you are all intimate with each other but-"

Karkat covered his ears. "PLEASE STOP THE WORDS THAT ARE POURING FROM YOUR SHITHOLE. IS THERE ANY WAY TO PLUG UP THAT GAPING MAW ON YOUR DUMB FACE?"

"Holy shit! You're a riot! Dave should have brought you around earlier. We could have all kicked it like true bros. Although, I might end up being a tragic and unwitting third wheel to whatever you guys end up-"

"LALALALA! OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME? I REALLY MUST BE GOING!" Karkat bolted for his Buick and got into the driver's seat. His pants squished underneath him and he realized he was still sopping wet.

"Goodbye, Karkat! Come back soon!" John waved from his spot on the lawn.

"URRRRGH!" Karkat flipped him the bird and drove off in search of Jade and Jane's house.

121 Baker's Street took all of about a minute and a half to get to. Just enough time for Karkat to sit in his wet clothes to fester a little bit. Hopefully, John's sister would be less of a hassle to deal with. The houses on Baker's Street were larger than the one's on Windsor. They were in nicer condition too.

He pulled up and carefully took the path up to the front door, checking for booby-traps as he went. Karkat knocked on the door and waited. No one answered. He knocked again. When it appeared like no one was going to come to the door, he turned around ready to leave. Suddenly, he heard footsteps from inside and a hurried yet cheerful, "Coming!" A beautiful dark skinned girl with long black hair opened the door. She wore a white lab coat and round glasses perched on her head. She looked at him and smiled. John and she must have had the same dentist growing up. He liked the smile on her more though. "Hello. Can I help you?"

"Um, yes. You see, I'm currently looking for-"

"Oh! Hold that thought!" She looked down at her hands and took off a red tie from her index finger, replacing it with a gray one. "Just finished part of an experiment. Gotta keep it all organized or everything can get kind of jumbled up, you know?"

"Yeah… Anyway, my name is Karkat and I-"

"Oh my gosh! You're Karkat? Dave's told me a lot about you!"

"He has?" Some uneasiness left his body.

"Yeah! Would you like to come in?"

"Sure." Jade led him inside and seated him in the living room. Papers littered the coffee table and sat, disheveled, in unruly piles all over the floor.

"Sorry about all the clutter! Jane, my cousin, is currently out shopping and she usually does the cleaning and homemaking stuff. I usually end up making messes more than cleaning them."

"Yeah, no problem."

"Wish I could get a good look at you. Can't seem to find my damned glasses anywhere though."

"They're on your head. You might want to consider carrying a reminder for your eyewear too."

"Oops!" Jade pushed her glasses down and stared intently at Karkat's face. "You look super grumpy and wet. How did you get so wet? Janey's gonna scold me if you mess up the couch."

Karkat stood up. "Actually, your neurotic brother just shot me with his hose so you can direct any compensation for the couch Egbert-ward."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh, geez! You're not here to complain about John are you?"

"No! I…" Karkat trailed off as a flicker of red caught his eye. Sitting on top of a stray basket of clothes was one of Dave's shirts, white with red sleeves, and a broken record insignia centered in the middle. He felt sick. "How friendly would you say you are with Dave?"

"The friendliest!" Jade smiled widely.

Karkat's heart ached. "Have you seen him lately?" He braved a look at her.

She maintained her immaculate smile, not missing a beat. "Now that you mention it, it has been a while. I think we started hanging out less after he became preoccupied with other things."

"Other things?" _Dave was here before. Dave frequently came to hang out here in the past. They're friends. He has reasons for being here. Don't get carried away. God, this girl is really pretty._

" _You_ , silly!" Karkat's heart sped up.

"What?"

"Well, why else would he stop coming around to hang out with his childhood pals? He's got a new fella and has to treat him right. I gotta say though, I'm awfully mad he's kept you away from all of us for so long. He said you were just really shy, but I don't think that's the case. At least you don't seem shy. You came on your own to visit after all."

"Actually," Karkat's eyes flickered once more to the shirt. "I'm starting to feel kind of anxious. I think I'm going to leave now."

"Oh. Okay." Jade's smile wavered. "Are you sure? Jane will be home soon. You could stay for dinner or-"

"No. It's fine. I have to go now."

Karkat fast walked to the entrance and was out the door before Jade could say a word more.

She was so nice.

And pretty.

Dave's shirt was there.

She was doing experiments.

She must be a scientist.

She must be really smart.

The same sickness that hit him while he had spotted the shirt came over him again. He stood by his Buick and leaned on the hood. "I think I'm gonna throw up."


	3. The Meeting

"Hey, Kid. You alright?" Karkat stopped bending over his car and stared up at the person addressing him. The blindingly all green suit made him squint his eyes in distaste.

"Crowbar? What's The Felt doing here?" Karkat peered behind him and saw Itchy fidgeting. "Or part of The Felt in any case."

"Uh, well you see-"

"We're on a date!" Itchy jumped in, wrapping an arm around Crowbars shoulders, in an obvious attempt to annoy him. "Out for a little walk, enjoying the atmosphere as a couple of knuckleheads in love."

Crowbar gave him a disgusted look that read more as, 'I can't stand you' rather than 'knucklehead in love'.

"Okay, well that's obviously a lie… Anyway, what are you _actually_ doing here?"

"Just doin some rounds of the neighborhood. Thinkin bout spreading the gangs influence, you know?" Crowbar's face remained impassive and Karkat had a harder time seeing through his words to tell if he was actually giving him the straight truth.

Itchy pulled himself closer to Crowbar and wrapped his other arm around his neck. He draped one of his legs up, onto his side. Impressive, but highly ill advised. Crowbar grimaced and a visible shudder ran down his spine. "Now, darling, you don't have to lie. We were really just on a very intimate date." He leaned closer to Karkat and put his hand up to pretend that he was trying to hide his next words from Crowbar, "He gets a little embarrassed in front of other people, but one on one he's actually very affectionate and quite the romantic." Crowbar pushed him off. Itchy quickly regained his footing. "See what I mean? Hey speaking of boytoys, where's yours? Shouldn't you be off gallivanting with that dork in shades?"

Crowbar smacked him upside the head. "Knock it the fuck off. They're in a very serious and endearing relationship."

Itchy gasped and tried to hug Crowbar again only to have Crowbar push his face away. "Just like me and my darling!"

"I'm going to kill you, Itchy! Do you wanna end up sleepin with the fishes? Cause that's where your future's headed. The bay and its cozy, body-lined banks."

"Oh my gosh! You're planning on taking me to the beach! I can't wait for our next date. Karkat, do you hear that? We're having a beach date!"

"I give up." Crowbar, defeated, rested his head in his hand and allowed Itchy to cozy up to him once more.

"Alright… Well, it's been real uncomfortable fellas. I'm just gonna get moving now."

Crowbar jumped. "Hey, wait a sec, Kid."

Karkat stopped opening his car door. "Yeah?"

Crowbar looked hesitant, "Just be careful, okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'll do that. See ya." Karkat hopped into the driver's seat and made for his apartment. Concern and confusion washed over him. Why was The Felt hanging around Jade's? Were they scoping the place out? They could definitely be involved in Dave's disappearance. He didn't know what to think. Crowbar had always been like an uncle type to him. Practically a second father. He obviously cared about him. But it was more than likely he and Itchy had been lying. Well, Itchy especially… But what was their involvement?

He parked in his apartment's lot and brought out his phone. "Hey, Kanaya. Sorry I haven't called you back. Can we meet somewhere for an early dinner? I have some things I need to talk about. I'll call Terezi too. No, I had to stop home first. Some asshole got me soaked and I need a change of clothes."

Karkat arrived at the local pub, _Bilious Slick's_ at five o'clock. It had connections with The Midnight Crew and was deemed a safe space to discuss what he needed to with his important party members. He spotted the top of Kanaya's head in a booth. Across from her was Terezi. They were both in nicely tailored suits, one jade green with intricate floral designs and the other a red and black form fitting ensemble. "Well, now I feel underdressed." He slid into the booth next to Terezi.

"Why, Karkat, your ass usually looks quite snug in those jeans. I think you look fine." Terezi cackled. "Probably."

"Terezi, really not feeling the blind jokes today."

Kanaya chimed in, "She is correct nonetheless. You look appropriately dressed for a bar. Anyway, can we get back onto the topic we were discussing before, Terezi? I believe it was rather important."

"What topic? Something happened?" Karkat looked at Terezi.

She smiled and sipped at her coffee. "Evidence has turned up at your apartment. Sollux has entrusted me with a certain artifact that he thought we'd have a particular interest in." She pulled out a large maroon metal object from under the table and placed it down with a 'clang'. The other patrons in the bar quieted and quickly shifted their eyes away.

"Holy shit. Is that-?"

"Yes. Crowbar's crowbar. The cops suspect it was used to pry the apartment door open. They found it under the overturned coach."

"Crowbar wouldn't…"

"Listen, Karkat. I love you dearly, but you can't keep being so naïve. Crowbar is part of The Felt. He kills on orders. Orders he receives from his superiors. He's a loyal pawn being moved around. You shouldn't be this surprised."

"Well, you shouldn't jump to conclusions! I mean, does that even seem like him? Leaving it behind like that? What if someone is framing him? What if they just borrowed his crowbar?"

Terezi looked pensive. "You're right of course. It doesn't seem like him at all to leave it where it could be discovered. He's smarter than that. But it doesn't eradicate the notion that he is somewhat involved in this."

"Speaking of Crowbar, I saw him and Itchy today."

"Where?" Terezi's eyebrows shot up.

"Well, I was looking into the list you gave me and when I had finished talking with Jade, I bumped into them on the way back to my car."

"Did they say what they were doing there?"

"Not really. They kind of were skirting the subject. Itchy said they were on a date and Crowbar said they were scouting out possible territory to expand on."

"Neither of those makes sense. Okay, maybe they could be dating because, honestly, they could be kind of cute together, but mobs spread their influence over territories with businesses, either setting up fronts or extorting money by causing business owners to rack up debts or pay for protection. Last time I checked, residential areas were a bit lacking in that regard," Kanaya twirled a lock of her hair as she thought aloud.

"So they were lying and now The Felt is looking pretty suspicious right about now," Terezi grumbled.

"I don't know. Something seems off. They asked me if I knew where Dave was. I don't think they knew he was missing."

"They could just be acting and actually have custody of him already. Or Dave might have gotten away in the scuffle at your apartment and they could be looking for him."

"I really think that's all just speculation. I mean Crowbar seemed kind of… nervous for me? He told me to be careful."

"So he's a mob member with a conscience. Look, I know you like Crowbar, but The Felt is involved in this and that means so is he. Whether you like it or not, if he's telling you to be careful, it means he knows something he's not allowed to tell us. When it comes down to it, his loyalties lie with The Felt, not with some kid he once upon a time taught to play pool every weekend at _Bilious Slick's._ "

Karkat flinched.

"That's a bit harsh. I believe we should stop looking at this as just his involvement and instead focus on The Felt as a whole," Kanaya reasoned.

Terezi sighed, "Your right. I was letting my emotions get the best of me. Karkat, I'm sorry. It's just been a stressful week."

"It's alright. I understand."

"Oh, hey. On a brighter note, what did you think of Dave's friends?" Terezi's smile petered back into more jovial territory.

Kanaya smirked, "Yes, Rose was quite offended that you forgot to include her in your list of interviewees today, but she is still very interested in knowing how you liked their mutual acquaintances."

"You can tell Rose to shove it, because Dave would never use her place to hide out if he was on the lamb and you would have told me otherwise. Also John and Jade were genuinely awful and nice respectively, if that makes any kind of sense. John sprayed me with his hose and Jade was-" He thought back to the shirt in the laundry basket. "Jade was nice."

"Just nice?" Terezi leaned back, her arms folded behind her head. "Now that can't be all you got from her."

Karkat sighed, "She's smart, kind of a ditz at the same time though, and more than a bit eccentric. And she's also super hot." He glared at her. "There. Analysis complete."

"Why are you so angry?" Terezi's smile was predatory. "Are you worried that Dave is friends with someone like that? That was certainly a lot of praise you piled on."

Karkat groaned and rested his forehead on the table. "Yeah, okay? I'm thoroughly pissed! She's actually a really great person in every respect and I don't know why Dave settled for me when he has someone like her in his life. Are you fucking happy now?"

Terezi frowned. "No. Not really. You don't have to worry about that though. They did date at one point, but it didn't last very long."

"I saw one of his shirts at her house in a pile of clothes."

"That rotten bastard!" Kanaya stood up and the pub went quiet again, eyes focused on her. She settled back down and patted her mouth with a napkin. "Sorry. I'm just a little on edge."

"We don't know what Dave's deal is at this point so who can say why his shirt's there." Terezi rationalized. "He could have left it there from when they were dating."

"It wasn't an old one. I wouldn't have recognized it otherwise."

"Yeah, okay. That looks pretty bad then, I'll admit. But he wouldn't cheat on you! He's not that type of guy. He could just be relying on her. If he's on his own and lying low, he could be hiding out there. Come on guys. Innocent until proven guilty," Terezi gestured to herself, "Lawyer. Remember?"

Karkat and Kanaya stared at her sullenly. The Midnight Crew main family didn't take kindly to betrayals of trust.

"Okay, well, this strategy meeting is wrapping up nicely. What have we got to work with now? Crowbar's crowbar was at the scene but ' _Oh, gosh, no. He couldn't possibly be involved_.' But wait. The Felt sure is. And we don't know where Dave is right now but we know where he's been and that's enough to tell us he's being prevented from moving out in the open. So what I can conclude from this is we're really hung up on personal bizz and I'm gonna have to straighten us out. Our next step, since we know The Felt is involved would be to infiltrate the mansion and gather clues."

"Clues?" Karkat asked skeptically.

"Yes. Clues to where Dave might be. And indicators of what The Felt actually want. It's still not too clear whether Dave is safe from The Felt right now. His shirt was at Jade's but that could literally mean a bunch of things, some of which I won't dignify with a contemplation. He might even be being held prisoner in the mansion as we speak."

Kanaya folded her hands in front of her. "But how do you suppose we infiltrate The Felt mansion?"

"We're going to need a distraction, Kankan. And that's where you come in."

"Please do not call me that… What would you have me do?"

"You're going to have to request an audience," Terezi's shoulders shifted forward, "with the Doc."

"Absolutely not! You must be joking!" Kanaya was indignant.  
"Listen, Kan. It's the only way they're gonna let us in undetected. We'll slip in through the back and you pay a visit, giving your greetings to the members. You sit down, enjoy some tea and give and take a few barbs here and there. Then voila! Mission accomplished. We can all go home and get a good night's sleep."

"That is certainly not what will be happening. More like the opposite of all those things! That man is a perverse, God-complex having asshole and I refuse to keep company with him for any length of time."

"Come on, Kan. Do it for Karkat and Dave? What if it was Rose that was on the line here?"

Kanaya peered at Karkat. Karkat furrowed his brows. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Kan. We can find another way to get information. It's not like the trail will go completely cold."

Kanaya's face softened. "I'll do it. I don't want to, but when my cousin needs me to help save his boyfriend, how am I ever supposed to deny him my aid? Dammit. Terezi, you will owe me one for this."

"Why doesn't Karkat owe you one?"

"Because forcing me to talk with a psychopathic pedophile was not his idea."

"That's fair. So it's decided then? Kanaya will make the arrangements and we plan a Felt break-in in a weeks' time."


	4. The Break-In

Kanaya gently cradled one of her velvet-gloved hands around the old rusted copper knocker and tapped it down three times. She held up the corner of her evening gown, a garish black and red thing that painted her in the Midnight Crew's image. The dress looked stunning on her but she probably wouldn't have worn it under normal circumstances. However, she believed waving her team's flag at the opponent was the perfect way to begin the passive aggressive dinner date that awaited her.

The door swung into the house, Trace pulling it along, and gestured for her to come inside. She stepped into the foyer and Fin came up behind her to relieve her of her coat. He scuttled off and she took up Trace's outstretched arm, accepting the guide to the Doc's parlor room.

Trace withdrew his arm before they reached another door. He pulled it aside and waited for her to walk in before he followed her. He took off his hat and stepped forward. "Doc, Miss Maryam is here for your visit."

He ended the announcement and left, closing the door after him. Kanaya watched as the ghostly figure before her stood in front of the fireplace. He stared into it, either lost in thought or pretending to be. He did like his little gentlemanly mind games. He turned around. His skin was so pale it could have been bleached. The same could be said for his hair. Although it was full, it was an unhealthy shade of white. He looked grotesque if not demonically handsome.

"Kanaya, my darling." His hand swept over directing her attention to a couch poised in front of the fireplace. "Please. Have a seat." She ambled over and seated herself accordingly. He sat in the armchair across from her, crossing his legs. "Can I get you something to drink or eat?" Some finger sandwiches perhaps?"

Kanaya smiled tightly. "That is quite alright."

Doc Scratch returned the smile. "Are you sure? You know, I am nothing if not an excellent host."

Kanaya resisted the urge to scrunch up her nose in distaste. "I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite."

The Doc leaned back, folding his hands in his lap and sighing. "You were always such a good girl. I liked to think of you as my favorite." She held his gaze steadily. His eyes broke away first, traveling down her form. "Well, you might still be."

"How have your tutoring practices been since we stopped our lessons so many years ago?" Kanaya tried to redirect the conversation.

"They've been severely lessened, I'm afraid. I am no longer taking on pupils."

"That's certainly a relief." One of the Doc's eyebrows shot up. "For you, I mean." In that moment Kanaya wished words could slice through flesh. She wanted to cut him into pieces. "I would think it could be quite tiring after a while. Teaching the same material to children year after year."

"I _have_ grown bored of it. Learning everything. Teaching everything. Knowing everything. It's a heavy crown to bear. But I've always been fond of children. Especially children of the mob. I devoted myself to making sure they were well versed in the lives that awaited them. But now they've all grown up. I probably won't be around for the next generation's litter, so I'm glad I at least got to have my way with a few of your precious young minds."

"You say 'children' but I don't really recall you having ever taught my cousin."

"Ah, yes. The young master Vantas. Well, he was a ruffian that one. Always so noisy and never could sit still. I didn't bother accepting him as one of my protégés."

"I'm certain my mother's brother, Kankri would have been a little less rowdy than him. Why is it you never took him under your wing?" The wood in the hearth crackled but Kanaya felt most of the fire burning in her heart. "He did so love to learn, that one."

The Doc chuckled, leaning forward, his brow furrowing slightly, possibly from irritation. Kanaya hoped from irritation. "I tended to undertake one child at a time, choosing one from each family, the one who I believe had the most potential. You and your mother had superior intellect. It would have been a shame to let it go to waste."

"Indeed," Kanaya slipped the word out coolly, like a defeated sigh.

"You know, if you were to bear any children, I might be tempted to come out of retirement. The Maryams have always been a favorite family of mine." His smile stretched too far to be friendly. It was animalistic. Like a wolf baring its teeth.

Kanaya swallowed around a lump in her throat, "Actually, that won't be necessary. I don't intend on bearing any children."

The Doc lifted an eyebrow. "Are you sure? The Maryams have a knack for producing such pretty girls. It would be a shame to waste such good genes. And I do believe you'd make an excellent mother."

"I'm a lesbian," The words were out before Kanaya had time to process what she was saying.

Her statement seemed to throw him off guard. The Doc had apparently never considered this angle. Porrim becoming a radical feminist after his tutelage? That was expected. Kanaya being a huge fucking lesbian? Homosexuality seemed to be a foreign concept to dear old man Doc Scratch. "I beg pardon?"

"I'm a lesbian. A huge one, in fact. God, I'll never be able to even look at a male genital again in my life. It's one of the rules, you know? When you get drafted for it. Lesbianism, I mean. Such a cruel fate, I know. But I will soldier on."

Kanaya watched as some color actually entered the Doc's powder pale face and she had never felt more pleased with herself in her entire life. His slack-jawed mouth closed itself and he attempted to speak again, "I-I see you've gotten a lot better with the art of sarcasm, my dear."

"Oh, my. I'm sorry, but you can't call me your 'dear' either. One of the other rules I'm afraid. No endearing nicknames from anyone other than your designated lesbian partner. She, of course, was picked through a random electronic sorting system. New wave technology is so advanced these days."

"I agree. Perhaps that should be a segue into a new topic..."

Apparently, even new age technology was a safer subject for poor old man Doc Scratch.

Terezi and Karkat made their way to the back of the Felt Mansion. They sat, squatting behind a dumpster, adjacent to the back door. "Do you think they have security cameras?" Karkat was beginning to have some doubtful thoughts.

"Are you crazy? Why would they have security cameras? They're a mob. They wouldn't want to leave any evidence. Especially if they have to dump bodies."

Karkat gave an uneasy glance at the dumpster. "Oh shit. Oh man. Oh shit. Okay, how are we getting in again?"

"Easy. Window." She pointed directly straight up, into the sky. Karkat rolled his eyes and peered over her head at the exposed entryway. "They're cooling a pie. I can smell it."

Karkat snickered, "What kind?"

Terezi took a huge whiff of air. "Pumpkin and rotten tomatoes."

"You started picking up garbage scent halfway through that analysis but that was pretty good."

"I'd bow if I didn't feel like I was gonna hit my head on the dumpster. Climb onto it and slip through the window to see if it's safe before I follow."

Karkat followed her directions, carefully moving the pie to the side and off of the sill. He dropped inside the room, a tiny simplistic kitchen. "Coast's clear. Put your rear into gear and haul ass into this bitch."

Terezi cackled following the sound of his voice. He grabbed her hand and guided her into the room. She sniffed the air and picked up the pie, tossing it out the window.

"Why did you do that?!"

Her face was deadly serious. "Bad guys don't deserve pie."

He shrugged. Her logic was unflappable.

A bell dinged and they shrunk back against the wall. Biscuits' oven was on and Egg's timer had gone off. They must have been making dinner. "Shit. What do we do? Should we hide?"

Terezi took his hand and felt her way out of the kitchen and into the hall. Karkat watched as her other hand dragged along the wall until she felt the knob of a door, swiftly opening it and pulling them both inside. She closed it quietly behind them. They heard heavy lumbering footsteps pass by the door, loud enough to hide their rapid breathing.

When everything was still again they sighed, surveying their surroundings. It was dark. "Are we in a closet?" Karkat took a step further into the room and fumbled for a footing. Terezi grabbed him by his armpits and hulled him back.

"Not a closet. It smells really musty. I think we're at the top of a set of stairs leading down into a cellar or basement." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the steps. "Looks like I get to guide you this time."

"I can't see you but I just know you've got this shit-eating grin on your face."

"I can't see you either but I just know you're giving me one right back."

He squeezed her hand. "Lead on, Pyrope. Let's find my boyfriend."

She tugged him down the steps, an inky blackness absorbing them. When the steps came to an end a hallway began, dimly lit lanterns hanging just around the corners on either side. The hallway stretched out in two directions.

"Right or left?" He asked her.

Terezi stared into the hallway pensively. "Left. There's less noise to our left."

She led him down the corridor, placing her unoccupied hand on the wall every so often. She opened the first door. "Wine cellar," Karkat said, unenthusiastically. She moved further down, opening the second door she came to. "Really old library filled with crusty-ass books." She grimaced and closed the door. Before they came to the last door in the hallway Karkat stopped her from moving forward.

"What's wrong?"

"It's open."

Terezi tugged them close to the wall. "What is? Another door?"

"Yeah. It's kind of weird though." It was metal, very much unalike the past two wooden ones. It had a tiny barred window on the upper half. "It looks like a jail cell." Karkat stepped ahead of her. Forgetting that their hands were attached, Terezi was pulled reluctantly after him.

He stepped into the room and immediately fought the urge to leave. It was a space made for a child or maybe even two. The left side was painted blue and the other a light pink. On the blue side there were tiny toy animals and Legos scattered everywhere. Books, with torn pages that had been scribbled on, lined the floor. On the pink side it was much neater. Someone had carefully stacked their books into piles. Drawings, beautifully capturing different characters in crayon were taped to the wall. The only things out of place were the numerous heaps of art supplies on the floor, a few crumpled pictures torn from their spots in the make-shift gallery, and a very plain bed splayed in the middle of the open space, the only piece of furniture in the room.

"Dave isn't being held in here." Karkat's voice came out hoarse. "I don't know who is, but I don't think it's Dave."

Terezi's eyebrows slunk together. "I don't know where we are, but it's giving me the heebie jeebies. I think it's time to leave."

Karkat nodded. "Agreed."

They solemnly made their way back to the staircase, footsteps echoing in the hallway. As Terezi put a foot up onto the first step, a loud, rhythmic pounding sound came from the other end. Karkat's eyes went wide. "Shit!" He tried to push Terezi up the steps. "Go! Go! Go!"

Quarters, Matchsticks, and Sawbuck were barreling down the right corridor, obviously having spotted them.

Terezi refused to move, instead turning around to face Karkat, uncomfortably close. "How many, how close, and do they have guns?"

"Three, two doors down, and uh…" A shot whizzed past the staircase. "Yes! Fucking move!"

Terezi reached into the inner pocket of her jacket and pulled out a Colt revolver. She pulled back the hammer. She shot wildly into the hallway. Karkat peered out over the corner of the staircase and watched as the mobsters jumped into the room closest to the stairs, trying to avoid any more stray bullets.

"How can you aim that thing?" Karkat watched her cock the hammer back again, ready.

"I don't need to aim. I just need to scare."

"Why do you even have a gun?"

"Karkat, I am best friends with the son of the leader of a huge crime syndicate. I think the better question here is, 'why aren't _you_ packing?'" She pulled a dagger from a holster on her ankle and forced it into his hand. "Here. I don't have another gun so you'll have to use this to defend yourself if it comes to it. You were taught basic self-defense right?"

"Holy shit. Please stop pulling out weapons. I'm gonna have a panic attack." A round of bullets whizzed by the steps in rapid succession. Quarters must have his minigun with him. Karkat grasped the dagger's grip tightly in his hands, ducking down against the landing.

When there was a break in the gunfire, Terezi tugged the fabric on his shoulder and pulled him to his feet. "Run!" She shot twice more into the hallway and followed behind Karkat. Another round flew by the landing but they were already halfway up the steps, drowning out the sound of gunfire with their thumping footsteps.


	5. The Escape

The silverware plinked against the plates as Kanaya and Doc Scratch shared their meal. The Doc was seated as far away as possible, at the head of the table on one side, while Kanaya occupied the other, pleased with the distance.

"How did you like the clam chowder?" The Doc's exhausted voice inquired. She was certainly wearing his patience thin.

She put down her spoon and politely dabbed at her lips with a napkin, hiding a secretive smile. "It was very good. It reminded me of the taste of my beloved."

The Doc's eyes stared vacantly at her face. Hopeless. Lost. She felt a tremor go up her spine at the exhilaration her triumph was bringing her.

"You know, I don't hear too often of your mother. How is Porrim? Is she keeping well?"

"Very well. She is as lively as ever."

The Doc folded his hands on the table, elbows off, like the gentleman he was. "The last I saw of her was at that little Christmas party, when our truce was formed."

"Yes, and what a truce it is. We can visit each other as much as we like." She took a sip of wine and didn't put the glass down, keeping her eyes stoic and distorting any expression her mouth might reveal if one gazed upon it through the glass. "Or as much as we dislike."

"Your cousin caused quite the fiasco. I merely observed from the background, as I didn't think it was my place to become involved. However, Slick's use of the young master's nativity when it comes to the opposite sex was fairly impressive."

"Is that what they call blatant sexism now a day? I thought it was rather funny how he was so easily manipulated. Slick has always been a bit of a ruffian but he has never disrespected any dames in the time he's been in the business."

"And our young master Caliborn fell right into his talk of gentlemanly contracts without the involvement of women like a starling takes to the sky."

Kanaya thought of the new leader of The Felt as more of a hawk than a starling. Something more predatory suited him. "Well, I believe we can forgo the age old tradition and start something new from all this." Kanaya peered into her half empty glass and smiled. "Arranged marriages seem to be dreadfully out of style."

The Doc chuckled. "That is where I must disagree with you. The unification of two individuals opposing a time-old tradition, the process of which brings them closer together since they are the only ones who could ever share this feeling of intertwined suffering… How romantic and tragically ironic."

"Hogwash. It's all fallacy and fantasy."

"The young master Caliborn doesn't seem to think so."

The statement caught Kanaya off-guard. She sputtered and coughed quietly into her napkin, trying not to choke on her wine.

"Are you alright? Was the wine not to your liking?" He held up the bottle and examined it. "Strange. I thought I picked a good year."

"Wrong pipe," She cleared her throat, "Do you mean to say that your master still intends on going forward with the wedding between my cousin and his sister?"

"Oh, I don't really care much for that blither anymore," He taunted her, "I just meant to tell you he wasn't too happy after he realized he'd been had. Let's change the topic. Especially if it's making you uncomfortable."

"I'm perfectly comfortable." Kanaya held his gaze, unwavering. "So he does want to go through with the wedding then?"

"Kanaya, love, why are you so fixated on this hypothetical wedding? It's not any of our business. It doesn't necessarily involve us in any way."

"Oh, but it does. You see, the intended groom is my cousin, who I am most fond of and I'd appreciate it if he was able to live out the rest of his life happy and with the one person that can let him be that way."

"Always so compassionate and thoughtful of others. Yes, you were always my favorite. If you are so intent of speaking about marriages maybe we can discuss ours?" He flirted shamelessly at her, apparently forgoing discretion altogether.

Kanaya exaggeratedly pretended to fumble with her wine glass before purposely spilling it onto the white table cloth. "Oh, darn! Clumsy me! However you are going to get out this stain I just don't know." She glared at him while the drink spilled, unblinking until the last drop was out of her goblet. She placed it back down and smiled, pouring herself another glass. "You were saying?"

A knock came from behind one of the doors. Stitch walked into the room and nodded briefly in Kanaya's direction before turning to Doc Scratch.

"Stitch, I know you're a damn good tailor but your speed at detecting when something is amiss with fabric is less impressive and more along the lines of intimidating this time." The Doc raised a brow. "Or is there something that requires my attention at this very moment?"

Stitch scratched at the back of his neck. "Something that can't be said in front of the lady, m'fraid." Kanaya rolled her eyes. "Can I speak to you in private?"

The Doc chuckled. "Aha, certainly. But please make it quick. It's also rude to keep her waiting."

Doc Scratch followed Stitch out the door he came in. Hurriedly, Kanaya slipped out of her heals and made quick but quiet footsteps to the door. She leaned in and listened.

"A couple of intruders… seemed to have come in through the kitchen… lost a good pie we did… Biscuits and Eggs will make more though… haven't caught em yet… don't know where… might be best if the lady leaves…"

Kanaya sprinted back to her seat, just as the door started to open. Doc reentered but Stitch was not with him. "Miss Maryam, I apologize, but I believe I am needed elsewhere. Might we reschedule this date at some point?"

Kanaya panicked. They had been found out. If Doc Scratch left it would be all over. He'd find them and they'd be screwed. She looked to her wine glass and it sparked an idea. She lifted the glass to her lips and downed all of the wine in five large gulps. She slammed it down and licked her lips. "Are you sure you can't stay a moment more? I was just beginning to enjoy your company," She purred and batted her eyelashes deviously.

The Doc smirked. He knew what she was doing and she knew that he knew. Good. Each of them respectively knew the knowledge that the other person possessed. So what was the point of all the mind games then? This was a gamble. The Doc might still take the bait. If she could keep him occupied for a little longer, they could still get out safe.

"Why, Kanaya, I didn't realize you were so starved for my attention."

Hook, line, and sinker. She licked her thumb and index finger and reached out her hand, putting out one of the dinner candles. The room dimmed some, setting a better mood. "Why don't you move your seat a little closer? There's plenty of room right over here."

The sound of footsteps thumped past the closed door. Terezi and Karkat slunk against it, out of breath.

"I need to start working out again. What gym do you go to?" Karkat whispered in between huffs.

"I don't go to a gym. I have my own workout routine I do at home."

"Fucking raw as hell."

"You know it." Terezi wobbled to her feet and pulled him up with her. "Let's move again."

He had followed her into a space that resembled something of a ballroom. It was an open area mostly, aside from the giant, gaudy water fountain stacked up against the wall in the back. They ran past it and Terezi looked around confused.

"Why do I hear rushing water?"

"We are literally standing right next to a water fountain. Why? Does it sound distant? Hey, are you okay? You're breathing kind of funny."

"Just a little panicked. My senses get all fuzzy and discombobulated when I get stressed sometimes. I just need a second to clear my head."

He stepped in front of her and tugged her hand along. "I'll lead then. Don't think and let me guide. Just focus on getting your breathing back to normal. It's freaking me out."

She cackled, "My knight in shining armor."

"Pyrope, I will dump your ass in the fountain. Don't test me." He chided but held her hand tighter anyway, continuing their trek onward.

"Why don't we check upstairs while we're here?" She asked him.

"Not gonna happen. Upstairs is where all The Felt members live. Bedrooms and such. I'd wager they wouldn't keep Dave up there. Successful mobsters are supposed to keep their personal lives away from their business lives. A 'don't shit where you eat' kind of thing. It'd be hells of uncomfortable having a prisoner up there while they're trying to bathe and sleep and form relationships or whatever bullshit they get up to," He sighed, "Plus, I just want to get out of here in one piece tonight and going up isn't gonna help our chances of escape if we get cutoff from the downstairs."

"True. Alright, so we need to find an exit is what you're telling me?"

"Yeah. That and we're probably leaving here empty handed. Dammit! This is such ass!"

She nodded. "Definitely ass."

They moved to a billiards room. The table was in pristine condition. A couple of balls were scattered on one side but the majority were centralized where one might perform a break. Karkat pushed the seven ball into the one ball, the two current outliers from the rest of the pack. "These guys are supposed to be taking their whole aesthetic from pool but this table doesn't look like it's ever been used. What a bunch of wannabes." The balls clinked together. "They don't even have sticks!"

Terezi picked up her cane and posed with it on the table, ready to strike. "Call a shot, line me up, and I promise you I will sink it."

"Yeah, we don't have time for that right now, but maybe next time we're trying to survive being in foreign mob territory we can give it a go." They walked out of the room and entered a hallway. "Jesus! This place is a maze!"

Terezi stood up straighter. "No, wait! We're back in the hallway we came in."

"How can you tell?"

She took a whiff and stepped forward. "Pie smell."

Karkat looked at her endearingly, relieved to see Terezi was feeling better. "Lead the way, Rover."

They came to the entrance of the kitchen and paused. There was noise beyond the door. Someone was inside. "Who is it?" Karkat spoke softly. Terezi cracked the door and gestured with her head in the direction of the sound. Karkat leaned over her and peeked in. "Biscuits and Eggs."

Terezi groaned and, to Karkat's surprise, shoved the door open. She strode into the kitchen confidently, gun drawn, pointed directly in between both Biscuits and Eggs. "Nobody move or I will desecrate more than just your pies!"

Their arms went up. Eggs looked nervous. Biscuits looked confused and like he was just following whatever Eggs was doing. Karkat came in, put his hands over Terezi's, and pointed her gun at Biscuits. "Have you guys seen a man by the name of Dave Strider lately?"

"Uh…" Biscuits wheezed out a hilariously long drawl. Jesus. He was going to take forever.

Karkat pointed the gun at Eggs. "How about you? You know if they're keeping Dave anywhere in this joint?"

"Name sort of rings a b-b-bell. I don't know."

Karkat aimed at the ground between Eggs' legs. "Shoot." Terezi fired a bullet into the kitchen floor. He aimed the gun back at Eggs. "How about now?"

"Now only my ears are ringing!" Eggs covered his ears. These guys were too dimwitted to even interrogate and the gunshot was bound to have been heard by someone. They didn't have time for this.

"We're gonna go, but before that…" Karkat aimed Terezi's gun at another pie that the pair of numbskulls had set to cool on the window. "Shoot." Terezi shot and the bullet hit the tin. The pie flew up into the air and then landed face down on the floor. "Bad guys don't deserve pie."

They raced out of the kitchen and into the night. They hopped three fences and ran six or seven blocks until they reached Karkat's Buick, parked at a safe distance. They got in and locked the doors, panting hard.

Terezi turned to Karkat and smacked his arm a few times.

"Hey! Ow! Hey! What the fuck? What did I do?"

"You stole my line! You acted like it was stupid when I said it but you totally stole it!"

"Alright! I admit it! I jacked your swagger a bit back there! But it wasn't as if you were gonna say it."

"Well, how was I supposed to know we were gonna shoot the pie?"

"This is a dumb argument! Can we please just take a moment and appreciate the fact that we are both alive and well?"

"Ugh. I _guess_ I _might_ be grateful for being alive right now? But I'm also gonna be pissed at you too." Her sarcasm was lethal.

"I'll buy you an ice cream or something so buck up." Karkat turned the engine on and put the car into drive.

Terezi rested her hand on his arm. "Wait."

Karkat kept his foot on the brake. "What now?"

Terezi stared contemplatively at the dashboard. "I feel like we're forgetting something."

It took them all of three seconds to reach a mutual conclusion before they simultaneously voiced their concerns, "Kanaya!"

"Shit, I can't believe you left her in there with that madman!" Karkat started to drive.

" _Me?_ "

"Yes, you. It was your idea to use her as live bait."

"Well none of this would have had to happen if Dave hadn't decided to go missing!"

"Oh, real mature! Blame the missing guy! It's not like he can speak up and defend himself!"

There was a moment of silence.

"On second thought, that's actually a really good idea. If we blame Dave it absolves both of us of guilt."

"I know, right? I feel so free."

"… Let's just go save Kanaya."


	6. Saving Private Maryam

The Doc sat next to Kanaya, their legs inches apart. She tried her damnedest to keep it that way. She was on her third glass of wine and still managing to keep her act together. If she was being honest though, she was really beginning to feel more than a little tipsy. She had tried to make the Doc drink more than her in an attempt to make him retire first for the night, but the man could hold his liquor. His liver must have been made of iron.

"So you were telling me about your partner. What was her name again?"

"Rose. Her name is Rose. And she's every bit as lovely and prickly as her name suggests."

"Why would you want to be with someone like that?"

"It's a bit more fun to have someone to match my cynicism and wit, I suppose? She does it very well too. I learn humility from our exchanges. She keeps me grounded when my ego inflates a little too much."

"Then perhaps you're just bickering partners?"

"Oh no. Sex is definitely a thing we partake in."

"And I suppose there is no room for much else in your relationship?"

Kanaya groaned internally but eyed him warily. "I am very devoted."

"And her?"

A vile, gut-wrenching, pitch black feeling bubbled inside her. She didn't know what look was on her face but whatever expression the Doc saw made him immediately go slack jaw and he began to backtrack, sitting up and leaning away from her. "She's a lucky girl."

She gave a curt, "Thank you."

A knock was heard from far off into the mansion. A muffled creaking of a door and a few mumbled words were heard from the dining hall. The Doc sighed and crossed his arms. Kanaya just looked to the entryway, waiting for someone to announce whoever had arrived.

Trace came into the room, escorting Karkat. He was in a signature Midnight Crew suit. Very dapper. Very deadly. Trace cleared his throat into his hand, "Young master Vantas is here to pick up the Lady Maryam, sir."

The Doc rose to his feet, striding over to Karkat at a leisurely pace. He stood in front of him and wore a con man's grin. "Hello, Mr. Vantas. Nice to see you again. Would you like to stay for a glass of wine?"

"Unfortunately, I'm the designated driver this evening. I'm here to escort Kanaya home now." He looked at her. His face was indecipherable at first glance, probably to prevent anyone from reading into what he might be thinking, but his eyes were full of concern.

Kanaya mouthed the words, "I'm alright," to him. The corners of his mouth twitched upward before falling back into place, and a successful attempt at hiding a relieved smile was made.

"Are you sure you wish to leave? Do you really want to go, Kanaya?" The Doc posed a challenge. But she was tired. She was drunk. And she had had enough of playing around with mob politics for the night.

"I believe I am ready to retire now." Karkat moved towards her and pulled out her seat. She stood up and was surprised to find she was beginning to lose her footing. She didn't realize she had drank that much. Karkat was there in an instant though, shielding her from the eyes of both the Doc and Trace, catching her and steadying her. She latched onto his arm and whispered in his ear a, 'thank you'. He whispered a, 'same,' back. Kanaya addressed Doc Scratch, "Thank you for your hospitality. You were a most excellent host this evening."

Before The Doc could respond Karkat chimed in, "Well then, we'll just be on our way now. Trace, if you'd be so kind as to lead us to the foyer and have Fin retrieve Kanaya's coat?"

Trace gave a curt nod and started to move out of the room.

The Doc put a hand on Karkat's shoulder as he passed. "How is your current partner, Mr. Vantas?"

Karkat jolted to a stop. "Pardon?"

"What was the young man's name? A Mr. Dave Strider, correct? How is he fairing?"

Karkat gritted his teeth and Kanaya felt herself panicking. She couldn't speak up in Karkat's place. She wasn't in any position to do so.

To her relief, Karkat overcame his hesitancy and he relaxed. "He's doing just fine. Alive and kicking."

The Doc grinned but it looked more like a sneer. "Very good. Trace, if you would escort them out." The Doc walked to the far side of the room and turned around only once more. "I'm sorry I cannot see you out, but there seemed to have been a disturbance while we were having our meal that I now must try to rectify. Goodnight."

Karkat and Kanaya remained silent as they made their way to the front door. Fin already had Kanaya's coat at the ready and helped her put it on. They opened the door for them and gave their respective 'goodbye's.

Karkat slid into the driver's seat and Kanaya slipped into the back. As soon as they felt safe Karkat loosed his necktie and Kanaya threw off her coat and slumped into the seat, good posture be damned. "That was fucking terrifying." Karkat leaned back and stared at the roof of his car. "And we made you spend more than a few hours with that pompous dickmonger. I don't know how I'll be able to live with myself."

Kanaya heaved a sigh of relief, "You don't suppose he saw me stumble when I got up? I was doing very well up until that point. Or I thought I was. I appear to be quite intoxicated."

"How intoxicated?" Terezi's nasally voice asked from the passenger's seat. "Like if he tried to get his creep on did you notice and shut that shit down real quick or were those things hard to detect?"

"Oh, I noticed when he tried to creep. Shit got shut down real quick. But I also felt like I was having a really hard time combatting it as I got progressively more inebriated."

"You were carrying yourself pretty well when I walked in. You were probably fine."

"You don't know him. He notices everything!"

"Who gives a shit what he thinks," Terezi scrunched up her nose, "He's scum." She took a lick of her ice cream cone.

Kanaya stared blankly at it. "When and where did you get ice cream?"

"I owed her one because I stole a dumb quip that really isn't even remotely free ice cream worthy. You, on the other hand, will be getting an entire gallon because you actually deserve it and I'm really sorry for making you go through with that."

"I don't want ice cream. I want to go to a bar and keep drinking myself silly. I need to get this night out of my head."

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"Listen, I don't really care right now. Drive me to a bar so I can get shitfaced and enjoy a nice plate of hot wings with two people I care very much about."

"You're the boss tonight. It is you." Karkat pulled away from the Felt mansion before Kanaya had even finished giving her orders.

They sat at their usual booth at Bilious Slick's looking disheveled for a couple of well-dressed twenty-somethings in evening wear. Their appearance looked out of place and yet their dispositions made them blend in perfectly with the atmosphere of the pub.

Terezi sighed, her head tipped back, "One step forward and three steps back."

Kanaya's head was face down on the table. She had an empty pint clutched in her hand. She hadn't even touched her hot wings yet. Karkat had his head in his hand, staring out the window.

Kanaya sat up and her cheeks filled up in a silent burp. She stared at Terezi. "So you're telling me you didn't find anything about Dave?"

Terezi's brows furrowed and she pulled her head up to face Kanaya's direction. "We found a strange room. Karkat said it was like a jail cell except well-furnished and with creepy kid stuff."

"Are they hiding Dave there, do you think?" Kanaya asked Karkat.

"Don't think so. It's not really made for a recent short term prisoner. It felt more lived in than that." Karkat thought back to the drawings. "Plus there were drawings hanging on the walls… Dave isn't that great of an artist."

"Were they pretty drawings?" Kanaya's face was full of wonder, like her entire happiness hinged on the answer her question would receive. She was definitely shitfaced.

"They were very pretty, Kanaya." Karkat ruffled her hair and she smiled warmly at him.

Seconds later, her face did a complete one-eighty, a frown and contemplative eyes replacing the fleeting joy that was there moments before. "It was strange that Doc Scratch was so interested in Dave."

Terezi sat up straighter, looking like her interest was piqued. "Oh?"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "He just fed me some bullshit line, pretending to be a nice guy by asking me how he was."

"Oh no!" Kanaya interjected, "I wasn't talking about that conversation. I was talking about the conversation I had with him before you got there."

Karkat and Terezi stared at her, expecting more. Kanaya remained silent, poking at and sliding her glass across the table between her hands, back and forth.

" _And?_ Hey, focus for a sec. What did Doc Scratch say?" Karkat stopped her glass from moving.

Kanaya looked at him and her face twisted in confusion, trying to recall the subjects she had touched upon with the Doc that night. "He said he was really fond of arranged marriages and so was Caliborn. And… Oh yes! And that Caliborn was not happy when he realized he had been played by your father." Kanaya reached for a hot wing. "I believe it was also implied that he intends to go through with the marriage."

Terezi stood up and slammed her palms on the table. Karkat jumped and the hot wing flew out of Kanaya's hand and landed on some unsuspecting person sitting in the booth next to them. "That is important information that probably should have been shared as soon as possible!"

"Very sorry. Was sort of dealing with childhood trauma. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." Kanaya glared at Terezi through her glass, using it like a telescope.

"Stop! Okay, that's enough! Although the search was a failure, Kanaya fucking stole the show because despite being the distraction and having to deal with someone that haunted her nightmares for years she managed to get a fucking motive for The Felt's involvement in Dave's disappearance. I think that warrants like a lot of respect, don't you Terezi?"

Terezi slumped down into her seat. "Yeah, well, when you put it like that, obviously it does?" She looked reluctant. "But I still don't think you should be drinking yourself into that state. You're gonna have a killer hangover tomorrow."

Kanaya pulled the plate of hot wings closer to her, cradling them to her face. "I will have leftover wings to nurse me."

"Yeah, that's not gonna help much. I think it's time we get you home." Karkat helped scooch Kanaya out of the booth and had the hot wings packaged to go. He led the girls to his car and got ready for another night of fretful tossing and turning over whether or not Dave was safe.

Karkat had dropped Terezi off first at her place and then headed to Rose and Kanaya's flat. Rose had finally moved to Jersey to be closer to Kanaya and, from what Kanaya had told Karkat, they were cohabitating nicely. Kanaya was fast asleep in the back seat and he really didn't want to wake her. She probably wasn't going to wake up even if he tried to rouse her. She was a little taller than him but he had given her tons of piggy back rides in the past and felt no different about doing it now. It was nostalgic, in a way. It felt like completing some cosmic circle of childhood and adulthood. He took the elevator up and carefully leaned forward so she wouldn't slip off when he had to knock on their door. Rose answered before he could knock a second time. She let him come in and place her in the bed.

"She's gonna be in really bad shape tomorrow. Here," He slipped off the plastic bag containing the hot wings from his wrist and handed it to her, "You're gonna need these."

She raised an eyebrow. "For me or for her?"

"Well, she almost cried when we tried to take them from her in the back seat a while ago because she was hugging them too tight and we didn't want her to make a mess so they're mostly to appease her if she wakes up and wants to know that they're safe."

Rose looked at Kanaya and she lowered her lids, endearingly, a small smile gracing her features. "Utterly adorable as always." When she wasn't talking her mannerisms and her looks sort of resembled Dave's. Karkat felt a pang of uneasiness being in the same room as her now that he couldn't unsee the similarities. God, he missed Dave.

"Hey… You would tell me, right? If Dave contacted you, I mean?"

Rose's smile faded and she eyed him up and down, drinking in every detail in a matter of seconds. "You're completely in love with him. How a dope like him managed to score someone so devoted and willful I'll never know." Her face went gentle again. "But maybe you're both dopes and you deserve each other."

Karkat couldn't meet her eyes. He could feel himself going red. "So is that a 'no' or…?"

"I'd tell you. But knowing him he'd probably contact you before his own flesh and blood."

Karkat sighed, both a little happy and greatly saddened by her words, "Right… I'll just be leaving now. Tell Kanaya to call me when she feels better?"

"I'll let her know you love her and care for her wellbeing too."

"Oh my God. _Please_ stop trying to embarrass me by picking out all the hidden meanings behind my actions."

"It's my job as your in-law to make you feel uncomfortable. We're family after all."


	7. This is a Davekat Fic But Where is Dave?

Karkat pulled into his parking lot just as his clock was switching the display to three in the morning. He was exhausted and utterly drained, both physically and emotionally. He rested his head on the top of the steering wheel and stared blankly at its center. _Don't cry. Pull yourself together. Don't cry. Shit. You really could have used a drink tonight yourself._

He choked everything back and sat up, slowly taking in a deep breath and exhaling quickly in a large gust. He opened the door and started walking to his building. It was still dark, although the sky was just beginning to get that disgusting reddish glow of daybreak. He shivered and thought about how he was going to have to spend another night in his bed alone again.

Something flew down over his head and covered up Karkat's mouth. He gasped and the feeling of skin on his lips made him register the foreign object as a person's hand. His attacker's other arm wove around him, clutching his arms to his side in a bear-hug hold. He tried to scream out but his voice was muffled behind the palm. He struggled to escape but the person was too strong. He felt himself get lifted up off of the ground. He was carried, flailing into the small alleyway in between his apartment complex and the neighborly one. The stranger pulled them both in until he had himself backed up against one of the walls, Karkat folded in his arms.

The person dropped their face close to Karkat's and softly whispered into his ear, "Guess who?"

Karkat's eyes widened at the teasing sound of the voice he knew so well. He stopped fighting and went limp against Dave's chest. He stared up and Dave was peering down at him, smiling like the asshole he truly was. "You… SON OF A-," Dave moved fast, putting his hand back over Karkat's mouth and putting a finger to his lips in a silent plea for quiet. Karkat glared at him but listened.

Dave pointed out of the alley and into the parking lot. There were two men, who Karkat presumed had just left the apartment complex, getting into a black van. He spotted a white hat on one of the men's' heads, a maroonish stripe dividing it in half. The trademark was a dead giveaway. It was one of the members from The Felt.

They drove off and Dave removed his hand from Karkat's mouth again, his arms snaking around his waist as he rested his head on one of Karkat's shoulders. He heaved a tired sigh into Karkat's suit. "I've missed this."

The close proximity after not being able to see him. The sound of his voice reverberating throughout his body after not being able to hear him. Karkat leaned back into the touch and his fingers gripped into the fabric of Dave's sleeves as he continued to pull him deeper into the hug. "Where have you been, asshole?" Karkat had tried to sound angry but he was shaking and his voice broke near the end of his question.

"I've been… hiding?"

Karkat snorted. "Yeah, I got that." He pulled away and leaned himself back on the opposite wall, turning to face Dave. He crossed his arms. Dave looked kind of annoyed at the sudden distance he put between them. _Good. Fucking karma, bitch._ "We need to talk."

"Uh-oh. I don't like conversations that start out with that. Can't we just skip to the part where you admit you missed me and were worried and maybe just sort of make –out a little?"

Karkat's jaw clenched and he felt tears building up in the corners of his eyes. He remained silent, too afraid to speak again or risk having himself completely fall apart.

Dave faltered as he watched Karkat's expression change. A crying Karkat was not a Karkat he wanted to see ever if he could help it. "Or talking's great! We can totally shoot the shit about what I've been up to and what you've been up to. Okay, well I know what you've been up to since I've been trailing you every so often. Gotta keep tabs on you and make sure you're safe and all that without being in the open but I-"

The tears were rolling down Karkat's face without him ever having made a sound. Dave just being there and being _Dave_ was causing this. He finally allowed himself to open his mouth but the only noises that came out were a few choked sobs.

Dave took a step forward and pulled him into his arms, smooshing Karkat into his body. Karkat clutched at his back and cried into him. They stayed like that for a few moments until Karkat could finally form proper, coherent sentences again, "You're a fucking prick."

"The prickliest prick to ever prick," Dave agreed with him.

"You're fucking awful."

"The absolute worst."

"I hate you."

Karkat felt Dave go rigid for a moment. "I know."

When the tears had all but dried up, Karkat picked up his head and stared at Dave. Dave took his face in his hands, brushing a thumb under his eye.

"They're gonna be so fucking swollen tomorrow. Already getting red. This should be a crime. Making you cry. I should be in fucking jail." He leaned down and kissed just under the outer corner of Karkat's eye. "I'm sorry."

Karkat's breath hitched as he felt Dave's lips grace over his skin. He dipped down and gave another one to his forehead. One to his nose. Another to his lips. They were unusually chapped. Dave always took such good care of his appearance. What level of bullshit was he wading through that prevented him from even taking care of himself?

Karkat wove his hands into Dave's hair and pulled him further down into the kiss. Dave took the hint and pushed him back against the wall, hands trailing down his sides and resting on his hips. Karkat shivered with every gentle brush of his fingers. Dave's hands moved under his shirt and up to trace his ribs with his thumbs. Karkat made a needy noise into Dave's mouth. It had really been a long time since they had done anything. Skipping a day was bad enough, but going from getting funky once, maybe twice, a day to chastity tight had been a strain on their will power for sure. Karkat was almost too sensitive to any of the little intimate acts that were being shared between them. In regards to the way Dave was panting into his mouth, he must have been in the same boat.

Dave pushed his knee in between Karkat's legs and Karkat gasped. It barely brushed him down south before he whimpered and felt his whole body shudder in pleasure. His legs gave out and he almost slunk to the floor. Dave held him in place, pinning him between his body and the wall. He freed Karkat's mouth for a moment so they could both catch their breaths. Karkat couldn't remember the last time he had forgotten how to breathe while kissing. It had seemed so natural only weeks ago and now everything felt strangely new and frightening.

Dave chuckled into Karkat's neck, giving him a small peck right where it met his shoulder. "Did you just come without me touching you?"

Instead of replying with a snarky remark, Karkat gave a desperate sounding moan into Dave's ear.

Dave pulled back and stared down at him, his shades askew and wearing the most priceless expression. His surprise soon shifted to something resembling endearment as he took in the state Karkat was in. "You look a mess. God, I kind of wanna make sweet love to you right here and now, voyeurism be damned."

Dave was always the one who suggested risky kinky business like alleyway sex. Karkat would never do something so 'out there'. Karkat would vehemently reject such a notion. Karkat hooked his fingers into the belt loops of Dave's jeans and brought their bodies back together. "Then why don't you do it?"

Dave's eyebrows shot up. Well, gee. You never know how much you could love someone until you're agreeing to have sex with them in an alleyway after not having seen them in a few weeks. Dave grinned, pleased with the acceptance of his offer. He leaned his head down until their foreheads were pressed together. Karkat wanted him to lean further down and kiss him again but he was also afraid to move and break the stillness of the moment. Like if he spoke, Dave would just disappear again into thin air. So they stood together, enjoying each other's existence. "You're too good for me." Dave eventually sighed out. "We are not actually going to have sex in an alley. You called my bluff. Someone could fall and land ass first on some broken glass or some shit and I didn't bring any lube on me."

Karkat huffed, disappointed. He wasn't exactly _trying_ to call Dave's bluff.

"Didn't you have questions for me?" Dave changed the mood, taking out his phone and checking the time. "I can't hang around for much longer. I gotta keep moving."

Questions swirled around in Karkat's head. What should he ask first? What was most important? He decided it would probably be best to go in chronological order, "What happened after I left?"

Dave shrugged. "It kind of happened really fast. I heard someone fucking with the door. Someone was prying it open with a crowbar. I figured that it was probably not you and more than likely The Felt. But before they could even get past the deadbolt, I had already picked up my katana and went out the bedroom window and down the fire escape."

"Where have you been?"

"Mostly everywhere. I was at a friend's place first, until Felt members started snooping around there too. Now I haven't showered in a while and I've been mostly trailing you around and making sure you aren't in danger." He flicked Karkat's nose. "That's for breaking into the Felt mansion, by the way. Almost gave me a heart attack."

Karkat wrinkled his nose. "So that's why you smell kind of ripe. This 'friend wouldn't happen to be named 'Jade' would she?"

"Yeah, I heard all about you meeting her. She thinks you're utterly adorable and kind of a grump but that also makes you cute in a way and she went on and on about you. I was like, 'This isn't news to me, Harley. I mean I did fall in love with him first,' so I basically acted like a complete fanboy snob who discovered a cool thing before it became mainstream and popular-"

Karkat couldn't stop a small smile edging its way out from hearing the way Dave could talk at length again. "Alright! Alright! Stop rambling! Next question. Why did you decide to come out of hiding now?"

"It was kind of hard to be around you lately since you've been up the asses of the people who are up mine. But I deemed this opportunity dangerous enough to intervene."

Karkat raised an eyebrow. "Danger? What danger?"

"Don't go upstairs. Dammit, Vantas, head my warning and do not go into that apartment complex. I came out of the ocean to tell you to stop."

"God, you are such meme-loving fuck. What's wrong with the apartment?"

"It's sort of never a good sign when mobsters are inspecting your living quarters. Actually," Dave took out his phone and started sending a text, "you should go live with Jade for a little while. It's safer there."

"Yeah, I don't think so. I'm not too comfortable with all that condensed peppy energy bubbling out of her in waves."

Dave gave the clock on his phone a few more nervous glances. "Dude, just trust me and don't go up there, okay? Go straight to Jade's. She'll give you a safe place to stay until things settle down again and her cousin will even bake you all the sweets you could ever ask for. They are like hospitality level Martha Stewart over there."

Dave suddenly seemed so far away. "When will things settle down?"

Dave gave a reassuring smile. "Soon. I've got plans in the works. Only way to get the guys that are after you is to get them first." He planted one more kiss on his lips, clumsy and way too chaste. "I have to go now. There are hells of irons in the fire right now and I need to be keeping track of every single one of them."

"Surely, you could spend a few more minutes with your very important boyfriend instead of these metaphorical irons?"

Dave groaned, obviously struggling to not derail from his very tight schedule. "You are the biggest and most important iron of all." His face fell. "And that's why I have to go."

He turned around and started walking. Karkat felt a pain prickle in his chest. "When am I gonna see you again?"

Dave turned his head over his shoulder. "Just look around every once in a while and, more than likely, I'll probably be there!"


	8. Someone Get This Kid A Change of Clothes

Karkat sat in the alley as time continued to elapse between Dave's departure and his current situation. Dave was safe. Dave had been there only moments before and he was safe. Dave had been there holding him and kissing him and _Dave was safe_.

It didn't feel real still. Karkat kept replaying the moment in his head again and again. He could still feel the warmth of Dave's body pressed against his and the excitement was still buzzing in the air. Karkat breathed out, snapping out of the stupor he was caught in. The uncomfortable feeling of his boxers sticking to his inner thighs greeted him as he entered a more lucid state. He grimaced and suddenly felt less than happy that Dave was alive and well. That bastard! And, oh yeah, he was supposed to be mad at him still. What a dick! Running off and making him worry when he had been perfectly alright this entire time! _And you let him kiss you until you came._ The thought made Karkat's blood boil in both embarrassment and rage. _It had been quick too. Didn't take much at all really._ "Shit! Fucking shit!" Karkat stood up and riffled his hands through his hair. God, he was sure if Dave had been given more time he would have been on Karkat's case. He would have never heard the end of it.

He ambled out of the alleyway, walking like he had a wedgie, and was immediately reminded again that he desperately wanted a change of clothes. He looked to his apartment. Dave had said not to go up there. That mobsters leaving your living quarters was never a good sign. Karkat's frown deepened. But the other alternative was going straight to Jade's and having to do the walk of shame discreetly through her house.

Yeah, no. Fuck that. And fuck Dave's advice for that matter. If he wanted to be mister runaround and only pop up every now and then to give Karkat orders he had another thing coming. In that moment he made the split decision to get himself a change of clothes from their apartment purely out of spite.

The lobby light was on and Feferi, his landlord, was sitting at the desk, looking over a magazine with animals in cages scattered across the pages. She took a break from giving goo-goo eyes to a rescued puppy and smiled at him. "Hey, Karcrab! Why're you up so early? Or rather why are you getting home so late?"

Great, he just had to encounter such a bubbly beacon of sunshine now of all times. "First of all, my name is Karkat. You know, like those sad pathetic things you see in your animal shelter pity party feel-good porn mags playing with toy mice or whatever. I don't know where you got crab from. They're not even in the same class let alone genus. Second, that's not really any of your business."

She giggled, "I know your name silly! It was a nickname I was trying out. You know, cause you can be a real sourpuss occasionally."

"Holy shit. Only occasionally? I must be losing my thirst for ripping people a new one. Has anyone managed to take my title as grouchiest asshole in the apartment complex yet? I must maintain my position. I need to keep the crown."

"You're a riot, Crabbykat! As far as I know, you still got the title if you really want it." Feferi rested her head on her hands dreamily, her features softening. She sighed, "But you know, ever since you and Dave have been living together you've been a lot tamer or maybe… gentle is the right word? I don't know! Just friendlier and easier to talk to, I guess." She gazed up at him quizzically. "Where is he by the way? I haven't seen him in a long while."

"He's been… busy." Karkat was shaken by the idea that being around Dave had changed him so dramatically. Even people he didn't encounter daily had noticed a difference. "He's working hard so there's no need to worry."

"Oh, work stuff! Like a business trip?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Does he get a lot of visitors from his work?"

Karkat cocked his head to the side, perplexed. "Not really. Why?"

"Two of his coworkers just left before you came in. They were wearing matching green suits. Are they a part of a dance crew? I know Dave DJs so-"

"Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you talk to them? What did they want?" Karkat interrupted her.

"Well, they had a really big black gym bag with them and they said they needed to drop off something Dave had left at work. I asked them if it was a leotard or something and then they looked at each other and then they looked back at me and nodded and one of them said, 'Yeah, sure. A _leotard_.' Like he _totally_ said it in a weird way which meant it probably was _not_ a leotard but whatever. Dancers can be such drama queens so I wasn't about to question too far into it-"

"Feferi, please get back to what they came here for."

"Oh, right. Okay, so they asked me which room Dave's was so they could drop it off and I was like, 'yeah, no problem'. So I told them and they went upstairs and came back down and left without the bag so I guess they delivered it just fine. Then you walked in and well, I guess you already know the rest!"

"You told them our room number?"

Feferi's brow furrowed. "Well, actually, I think I kind of messed up. See, I had made some changes in my list of rooms and occupants so when I was looking for Dave's apartment number I just assumed it was also going to be yours too so I started looking for your name. But I forgot that you're still technically occupying the room next door so I might have told them your room number instead. It must have worked out though since they left without the bag. They wouldn't leave it up there unattended would they?" Feferi stared up at the ceiling, like she might be able to see through it if she tried hard enough.

"I'm going to check it out." Karkat started to walk towards the staircase.

Feferi followed behind him. "I'll come too! It'll be my fault if Dave doesn't properly get back his belongings because of my mistake."

Karkat kept his mouth shut but he was thinking that even if the bag did find its intended recipient it was still going to be her fault.

When they got to the fifth floor they paused just before Dave and Karkat's apartments. Feferi tapped him on the shoulder. "Your door's open, silly! Did you leave it unlocked?"

"No." Karkat answered her firmly, trying to remain calm. He felt awkward panicking next to someone so naïve they mistook mobsters for dancers just because they coordinated their outfits.

When he hadn't moved closer and instead taken a step back, Feferi pulled at his sleeve. "Well, are you going in or no-"

Her voice was cut off by the deafening sound of an explosion blaring out from Karkat's apartment. Fire fanned out from the open door. On impulse, he pulled Feferi under him and fell to the floor, covering his head with his hands. The walls shook and pieces of plaster and rubble fell onto his back.

A high pitched noise filled his ears and he could see Feferi moving her mouth but he couldn't hear anything she was saying. Her eyes were wide and frightened. He could see his own fear reflected in them. He rolled off of her and leaned against the wall opposite of his apartment. Feferi was on her knees in front of him, speaking rapidly and trying to get him to focus his gaze on her. He shook his head and felt some particles of wall fall off of him. Feferi watched, obviously dissatisfied with his lack of attention and instead opted to help him dust off the rest of the white powdery residue that had coated his hair.

Slowly her voice came back into focus, like someone was inching a volume knob higher and higher on an old car radio. Karkat didn't bother tuning in until it was entirely clear, "-kat! Karkat! Hey, Karkat!" Feferi's high pitched voice was calling out to him.

"What?" He looked around. Other residents had come out into the hall to investigate the disturbance.

Feferi ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "Oh, thank God!" She turned around and yelled out to one of the bystanders. "Call an ambulance! Then call the police! Or maybe the fire department would be better? Oh, jeez. Just call someone!"

Karkat put a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to look at him. "No! I'm alright. I don't need an ambulance."

"But you couldn't hear me! And you're in shock! We need to get you to a hospital!"

"I'm okay! I don't need to go to a hospital! Look! See? Totally fine!" Karkat stood up on shaky legs and gestured to the rest of him.

Feferi's eyes grew wider as he tried to spin around. She caught at his arm and held him there, examining his back. "You're bleeding!"

"What?"

"You can't feel it?" She asked him, the fear clear in her voice.

"No! How deep is it?"

"I can't tell. It's a long scratch and there's a lot of blood."

Karkat felt light headed after hearing the news. "I'm gonna pass out."

The elderly woman that lived next door to Dave walked over and pushed Feferi out of the way. He vaguely recalled her working as a nurse. "It's not that deep. He won't even need stitches. It just looks real bad right now cause it needs to get cleaned up. Gonna sting like a motherfucker come tomorrow though. Adrenaline's keeping the pain at bay. She made it sound worse than it is so calm down."

Karkat hadn't realized his breathing had picked up. "Yeah, okay."

Feferi addressed the residents of the floor. "Anyone whose room has sustained damage, please inform me as it is a health hazard. Mr. Rufio is your room okay?" She went up to the old man that occupied the room next to Karkat's.

"The shared walls a little cracked up. Some plaster fell off. Fortunately, I was in the John when that racket started so no serious damage was done."

Karkat felt a wave of relief run through him. Then that was probably the same situation Dave's apartment was in. Karkat had long since moved anything of value over to Dave's room. He called to Feferi. "I'm okay now so I'm just gonna grab a few things from Dave's apartment and sleep somewhere else tonight if that's alright with you."

Feferi threw up her hands incredulously. "Well, no that's not alright! Are you sure you don't need some medical attention?"

"I'm made of stronger stuff than that!" He lied before opening Dave's apartment door and locking himself inside, away from all the noise and terror that was taking place in the hall. Karkat slunk down on the floor and surveyed the area. It was messier than before, now that plaster was covering every inch of the living room, which was already in a state since the break-in. "Jesus." He mumbled to himself, suddenly feeling very small and very vulnerable. He should have listened to Dave. This was a serious situation and he was being childish and acting on impulse. "Jesus." He muttered to himself again a little closer to being on the verge of tears.

He took a moment to gather his breath and rethink some things. The Felt had just left a bomb in his room. This was the level of danger he was dealing with right now. The level of danger both Dave and him were dealing with right now. God, why did he have to get Dave mixed up in the dumb mob political affairs? Why was Dave the one going around and risking his life when he wasn't even involved in this world in the first place? _Karkat_ should be the one to save their skins. _He_ was more related to the problem than Dave was. _He_ should have been more capable with dealing with the situation.

Karkat swallowed any noise that might have come out. He was done crying. Dave wasn't crying. Dave was being brave enough for the both of them. He was going to do what he had been told. Play time was over.

He stood back up and squirmed in his pants.

First he would get a shower and find a change of clothes though.

Karkat pulled on his favorite black sweater, well-worn, but loved nonetheless. He briefly recalled wearing it when he had first met Dave. He was so excited to be living on his own and so scared. He had worn it for luck. But meeting his neighbor had been something he had thought was unlucky then. Dave had been such a prick. He clutched at the fabric of the front of his sweater. Looking back at that moment, meeting Dave had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. If he ever got the chance to see him again, he would tell him.

He picked up his phone and dialed Terezi. He left her a voicemail to listen to in the morning, letting her know about being able to meet Dave, The Felt guys at his apartment, the explosion, and his new living arrangements. He barely began to say goodnight before he was cut off by the machine. He left it as it was though. He didn't feel like calling again just to give a clear conclusion to the previous message.

He threw together a bag of clothes and other necessities. He stopped at the door and looked back at the apartment, silently telling it goodbye for now. He opened the door. "Welp. Jade's here I come."


	9. Momma's Boy

Karkat beat his fist on Jade's door. It was six in the morning and he was really beginning to feel the effects of staying up all night… and invading a mob hideout… and also living through a bomb detonation… Yeah, what a great night.

Jade opened the door, glasses perched on the edge of her nose. She yawned and leaned on the door frame rubbing under her spectacles at one of her eyes. "Karkat, I expected you here like a few hours ago. Where have you been? Dave texted me you were gonna be on your way over so Jane made a cake and-"

"A bomb went off in my apartment." Karkat cut off Jade's enthusiastic mouth dribble before it got to be too much for him. "I was sort of detained. But I'm here now… Am I still welcome?"

"Of course, Karkat! Come on in! Man, you look bushed! I made up our guest bedroom so feel free to make yourself at home."

Karkat followed her through the house. They walked up the steps and stopped at the second floor landing. The house appeared to have three floors. "You weren't waiting up for me or anything, were you? Or did I wake you up?"

"Nah! I wake up early a lot to work out. A healthy body contributes to a healthy mind. Jane likes waking up early too, but she sleeps in later than me." Jade pointed up to the third floor. "The only room upstairs is my bedroom and lab area. Jane's room is down the hall. The bathroom is right here next to the staircase." She gestured to another door. "Closet. And the guest room, which has already been set up for you, is the last room after that." Jade stared down at him and smiled. "You can sleep for as long as you'd like. I know it's probably been a taxing twenty-four hours for you."

Karkat felt relief and appreciation wash over him at Jade's expression of sympathy. "Thank you."

Jade seemed a bit stunned by Karkat's sudden solemnity. "Hey, no biggie! Dave and I have been friends for a long time and I really hope we can be that close one day too."

The thought of Jade and Dave having been even closer in the past resurfaced once more. Karkat tried to shake it off. _You're being paranoid. Jade is nice and she's doing this because Dave is her friend. Stop being insecure._ "O-okay. Well, goodnight!" Karkat stumbled past Jade and closed the door behind him before he could display veteran contortionist skills and somehow manage to stick his entire foot in his mouth.

Finally, alone in a quiet space, the events of the previous night hit him once more. He barely registered that the sheets were a blindingly bright green color before falling into the neatly made bed and drifting off into sleep.

The clock on his nightstand read one-eleven when Karkat opened his eyes again. He laid still and stared at the numbers changing for a few more minutes before he actually got up. The color of the bed sheets made him wince. He almost regretted being well rested enough to take notice of them. They were practically neon. He tried to turn his attention elsewhere. There was a window just above and to the right of his bed. Its sheer white curtains fluttered him as a chilly breeze slipped into the room. It was going to be sunny today if not fairly windy.

As he left his room and started to climb down the staircase, Jade made her way out of the bathroom. She was wearing a sports bra and a pair of shorts, a towel hanging around her neck. She leaned over the second floor railing. "Jane, how's lunch coming along?"

"Just peachy! Meaning, I've made peach cobbler and you just have to try it! I think I've finally perfected the recipe! This one's going into the book!"

Karkat stopped his descent and looked up at Jade. "Book?"

Jade's smile lit up her whole face. "Jane's a culinary genius! She should probably open her very own pastry shop one of these days but she's still holding out and hoping to inherit our grandmother's business. We come from a long line of baking heiresses, but Jane is really the only one of us that has the blood."

"So why wouldn't she inherit then?"

"Favorability maybe? John's technically the heir, not that he really gives much of a damn. But there's a lot of squabble about the whole thing right now. The old batterwitch wants Jane to be the face of the operation while John runs it. It's like a patriarchy being masqueraded by the allusion of a matriarchy. Pretty sick, if you ask me. Jane's been draggin her feet and isn't too sure whether she should settle or not. But I'm always telling her; with cooking like hers she could overtake anyone."

Jane strolled over to the bottom of the staircase, red apron tied around her chubby waist and a sweet smelling confectionary in a tin poised in between two oven-mitted hands. Karkat's mouth watered and he quickly realized how hungry he was. "Oh, shucks buster! None of that talk now! We'll discuss all that later. It's not polite to talk about family politics with guests."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Yes, _mooooom_!"

"Come down stairs. I still have Karkat's welcome cake from last night in the fridge. Do you like chocolate, Karkat? Most people do so I thought that would probably be best."

Karkat's thoughts were rapidly degenerating into ways that he might propose to Jane. "I love chocolate."

"Splendid! Then I'll get it out too. I've also made some turkey and cheese sandwiches for lunch so make sure you have some of those before we delve too deeply into the sweets, okay?"

Karkat entered the kitchen after her and took one of the sandwiches off of a tray. "Yes, ma'am."

Jade folded her arms and gave him a look that clearly read, 'what the fuck?' obviously perturbed with how tame he was being towards Jane.

Karkat shrugged and took a bite. Any person that could get up early and make food like this was a god among mortals and deserved the appropriate amount of respect. Plus, he was more comfortable sassing up Jade than Jane for some reason. Jane had the distinguishable aura of an authority, or maybe even maternal, figure about her that Jade didn't really have. She was intimidating and yet her unnecessary overcooking only displayed how much she cared for the people around her.

Jade shook her head and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "You must be weak to temptation, Karkat." Despite her words, she also snagged herself a sandwich and brought it with her into the living room, getting settled on the couch. Karkat followed her and took a seat in the armchair juxtapose to her current seating arrangement.

"So, you said someone blew up your apartment, right?" Jade spoke with her mouth full, unapologetic for her lack of manners.

Karkat tried not to drop any crumbs. He really should have gotten himself a plate, even if Jade didn't seem bothered by it at all. He had a feeling Jane not only was this home's star chef but that she probably did most of the household chores as well. "Yeah. Dave and I saw some goons leaving the scene. Most likely Felt guys. And then 'Boom!' No more apartment."

"Explosives, huh. That's pretty dangerous," She said it with an air of mild interest, like she had heard of worse but it was still enough to garner attention. "So what are you packing for protection then?"

"I'm sorry? I don't follow."

Jane placed the chocolate cake on the coffee table before them. She left again to go get plates and forks.

Jade set her sandwich down on the table next to the cake. "Protection! You know. Like, do you have a gun on you in case things get hairy?"

Karkat thought back to Terezi taking out a gun and handing him a knife. He felt like he was having brief hot flashes and lamented over all of the women in his life that loved brandishing weapons. "I have a blade that a friend gave me." He hoped the answer might make him seem more competent than he actually was.

"Blades are alright. But what you need is a gun! My grandpa used to never let me leave the house without one. That and a computer! Always pays to be prepared!"

Jane sighed and started dishing out pieces of cobbler and cake. "She says that but then forgets to bring her wallet with her when we go out. You can't pay people in bullets, you know."

Jade gasped, "Jane, that would be an amazing action packed one-liner! They ask me to pay and I'm just like, 'How about I pay you- dramatic pause- in bullets?'"

"And then we get arrested for threatening assault with a deadly weapon," Jane groaned.

Jade scoffed, "Oh, you're no fun! But seriously, Karkat, you'll probably need a gun if you wanna protect yourself, your friends, your loved ones. Like…" Jade stuck her hand in a slot between the seat cushions on the coach. She fiddled her arm around.

Jane's brow furrowed. She looked displeased. "Jade. Please. Don't-"

"This one!" Jade pulled a pistol out of the slot and waved it around above her head.

"Oh my god." Jane touched her temples with her fingers, not quite distraught but rather thoroughly fed up.

"Relax! I'm a responsible gun owner." Jade passed the gun into Karkat's very incompetent amateur hands. "Here, take this. I think I have the holster for it someone around here…"

Karkat could feel the hairs on his neck rising as he battled with how he was going to hold the gun. He decided to lay it on its side in his palm, a position that would probably make it hard for him to fuck something up. "I don't have a permit for this." His nervous eyes didn't want to leave the barrel of the gun but he gave an anxious side eye to Jade.

Jade looked over at him strangely. "What the fuck is a 'permit'."

Karkat's hands slipped and he dropped the pistol onto Jane's chocolate cake.

Jane tutted him, "Now that wasn't very polite! Why take it out on the cake? Just try and see if you get anymore dessert at dinner tonight, Buster Brown!"

The rest of the day, Karkat spent helping Jane around the house with chores. He even attempted to learn a few baking tips. Jade mostly stayed shut up in her lab, isolated and hard at work. The lifestyle they led seemed rather comfortable. It was almost how he imagined a normal family was supposed to be, aside from Jade pulling out her gun collection that Karkat assumed she had somehow managed to scatter throughout the house.

Helping out Jane was by far the best part of the day though. Karkat felt this must be what it was like to have a mother that wanted their child around. He was sure of it. And no matter how much Jade tried to torment him about it at dinner, he was unapologetic in allowing himself that small secretive pleasure.

Jade's utensils clinked onto her plate as she leaned back and stretched, finished and satisfied with her meal. "So, I've been thinking-"

"You're a scientist, Jade. It's your job to think." Jane playfully teased.

Jade rolled her eyes. "Well, I've been thinking about one thing more than the others. Anyway, I saw how uncomfortable you were with the gun earlier and I just wanted to know if you wanted me to teach you how to shoot it properly." Jade eyed Karkat expectantly. "I think it would be a useful skill to have. Actually, I'm surprised you don't already know how to use one, being a person with your background and all."

Spades Slick had allowed his son to skip out on any heir grooming that involved shooting a gun. There were times where even seeing his father's holstered glock threw Karkat into a fit of panic and terror. He grew out of the attacks that had plagued him as a child. Avoiding it had certainly prevented him from having to relive the trauma of his mother's death. Holding a gun or just aiming it for someone was one thing but, even now, Karkat still doubted whether or not he'd be able to actually fire one himself. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty proficient in close combat techniques so I didn't really bother with that kind of stuff."

"But you're going up against gangsters and they _will_ have guns and against guns close combat can be… well-"

"Useless," Jane finished the thought for her. "I agree that Jade's tutelage would be most favorable to your current situation. If you don't want to be a liability and you want to protect yourself and your loved ones then I would take her up on her offer."

"That was pretty blunt put, Janey."

Jane smiled warmly at Karkat. "Only meant to give some well-intended advice."

Karkat gave a small, shy smile back to her. "Thank you. And you're right. I know I should be better prepared for this kind of thing." He peered over at Jade. "Can you teach me?"

Jade practically bounced out of her seat. "Absolutely! We can go to the firing range first thing in the morning!" Jade reached across the table and ruffled Karkat's hair. "But seriously, what is up with that obedience around Jane while I keep getting nothing but 'tude? You're a total momma's boy!"

"Holy fucking dick pimples. I think I'm full. I'm just gonna excuse myself now." Karkat stood up to leave.

Jane gasped, "But I've made cookies for dessert! You don't want any, Karkat?"

Karkat immediately sat back down. "I think I could spare some room if you need someone to taste test them that badly…"

Jade smirked in his direction and mouthed the words, "Momma's boy."

Karkat flipped her the bird while Jane was preoccupied with retrieving the cookies.


	10. The Shooting Range

The delicious smell of baking bread wafted into Karkat's room as the sun greeted him. He wasted no time jumping out of bed. It was easier to wake up when you knew some good food was waiting for you in the kitchen. He opened his door, taking a step outside and immediately was confronted with Jade, her fist poised to knock. She sheepishly waved instead. "Hey, Karkat. I was just bringing you a change of clothes, since you've been wearing the same thing since you got here. Oh, hey, maybe you should go shower?"

Karkat frowned, and pulled his shirt close to his face. He took a whiff. He did smell kind of ripe. "Alright. I'll get right on that." He grumbled, disappointed he had to put his breakfast on hold.

"I didn't mean you stink or anything! Gosh, sorry. That must have come out kind of rude, now that I think about it. I just meant, well, you and Dave can be so similar. You both keep worrying so much about everything and everyone else that you forget to take care of yourselves. I'm right on the mark, right? Geez, I wonder how you guys even function. Maybe you just keep track of each other?"

Karkat fidgeted in his spot, uncomfortable with talking about his relationship with Dave to his boyfriend's ex. "Yeah, that actually sounds like how it usually is." It was scary how on the mark she was. Dave never seemed to notice how sleep deprived he got while he was spinning and coming up with new tracks, but Karkat always managed to find the right time to distract him enough that he could pull him into bed. And of course Karkat was even more obsessive when he worked on his articles. He recalled a specific moment in particular when he was suffering from intense writer's block. Dave, after calling his name out a few hundred times and not receiving any sign of him being heard, had scooped Karkat up into his arms before he had enough time to even comprehend that his hands were no longer perched above a keyboard. Dave had started undressing Karkat to get him ready for the bath he'd drawn. He wouldn't let him go back to work until he had soaked for at least half an hour. Dave had climbed in with him. No funny business. That would have tired him out. Just gentle neck and back rubs that coaxed Karkat's muscles into relaxing. He had leaned back into Dave, enjoying the warm body next to his.

He flushed at the memory and Jade looked confused. "Sorry! I didn't mean to embarrass you! You really don't smell that bad!"

"What? Oh, no. It's cool. I could use a shower."

"Well, there are towels hanging on the rack in the bathroom. Just grab one and toss it into the bin when you're done with it. Here." Jade handed him the change of clothes. She called out as she hurried down the stairs, "Better finish quickly or else I'll have already eaten your share of breakfast!"

Not one to take food eating threats lightly, Karkat scampered into the bathroom. He tried to place the clothes down on the sink counter top and stopped. Jade had handed him a pair of black sweats and… Yup. That was Dave's shirt. _Why?_ Why was it Dave's shirt? What did that mean? What was she trying to say with that gesture? He looked at himself in the mirror. "Fuck." He hoped that wasn't the face he wore when he was around Jade.

He took his time in the shower, his appetite plummeting. It was the shirt he had seen in Jade's laundry basket the first day they met. Did she have more of Dave's clothes? Was this a passive aggressive jab at him? No. Jade was too straightforward for that. But she was also too smart to just hand him Dave's clothes and not expect him to draw _some_ type of conclusion from that.

He toweled off and redressed in the new clothes. The shirt and sweats were baggy. He had to roll the pants up at his waist three times and there was absolutely nothing he could do about the shirt sleeves. They were longer than his arms but too short to roll back a fold and still look okay. And he couldn't just roll them up completely. It was getting colder and he needed the warmth. Plus, it wasn't as if he hadn't worn Dave's clothes before. He pulled the shirt up to his nose and tried to drink in the scent. He was disappointed to inhale detergent smell when he ached for something familiar. Something _Dave_. He gave himself the once over in the mirror and nodded to his reflection. "Don't look like that. Be confident. _You're_ wearing his shirt. _You're_ dating him. Not anyone else."

Karkat opened the door and walked out assertively, the leftover steam from his shower following close behind. As he got to the stairs his bravado wavered and he slinked more than strode down the steps and into the kitchen.

Jade was sitting at the table, stuffing her face with pancakes and reaching for a biscuit. He figured that was the smell he had caught wind of that morning. Jane walked in with bacon, catching Karkat in her line of sights. She slammed it down quickly, moving over to Jade and shaking her arm as she stared at Karkat. "Jade, look! He's adorable! Look at how his clothes barely fit! Oh my goodness, this is too much. I'm going to have a heart attack!" Karkat wanted to rant and object to the accusations of him being adorable but he didn't really feel like raising his voice, especially in Jane's kitchen.

Jade choked on her mouthful of food, dropping the biscuit she was clutching. "Ja-cough-hack-cough-ne! You're gonna give _me_ a heart attack!"

Jane released her, raising her hands up and backed off. "Oopsie daisy! Hoo hoo! My bad."

Jade took a gulp of her orange juice and sighed. She gave Karkat a cursory glance. "Well, he is very cute. I bet my clothes would even look big on him." She raised the glass of juice to her mouth again but spoke once before she drank, "But I'm certain those suit him more than anything else we've got laying around here."

Karkat felt his face heat up. Jade's intent with the clothes was definitely not malicious. Could he take it as a bequeathing of sorts? The smell of bacon overpowered all of his deep contemplations. He was going to be at the shooting range with Jade all day anyway. He could just ask her straight out when they were alone. Grumpily, he took his seat at the table and waited for Jane to join them before he filled his plate and dug in.

"Goggles?" Jade dropped them into Karkat's open palms. "Check! Headphones?" She placed them on his head. "Check!"

"What?" Karkat watched her mouth move, confused.

Jade rolled her eyes and pulls one of the headphones off of his ear. "I said, 'check!'"

"Oh."

"And, finally," Jade passed him her pistol. "Your gun. I also found the holster but it's um sort of an upper thigh one, if that's okay with you."

"That's fine. Practicality first. Aesthetics second."

"I like the way you think!" Jade led him to the very last booth in the indoor firing range. "See the target there? You wanna aim for the head or the heart. They have them marked off with red dots so you can practice your aim. It'll be hard to hit moving targets so this isn't gonna be anything like going up against real mobsters, but it'll still help."

Karkat pulled back the slide and aimed with both hands.

"Stop!" Karkat brought the gun back and accidently managed to pull the trigger. A bullet embedded itself in the ceiling. Jade ignored the crack forming around the hole and continued to walk over to a stunned Karkat. Meanwhile, other patrons moved a little further away. "Your form is all wrong! Here," She directed his body and positioned his hands on the gun. "Now, _that's_ how you hold a gun."

Karkat breathed out an exasperated sigh. He tried to take aim again and… He didn't shoot. He couldn't shoot. His vision swirled. He was seeing things. The face of his mother as she held her wound, fresh blood trickling out. Her angry, not sad, _but_ _angry,_ face as she fell to the floor, the last moments of life he saw in her. His father standing at the door, breathing heavily, staring at Karkat like he had just done the deed himself. No. He did. He was holding the gun. Shit! He's holding a gun. He's holding a-

"Karkat! Karkat!" Jade's hands were on either side of his face. He focused his eyes onto hers. He was still poised to shoot. "Jesus, are you alright? You didn't shoot. Why weren't you answering me?"

"I-" He let his arms fall down. "I don't think I can do this." He could feel the hysteria that had gripped him moments before lapping at his mind in small waves. Was he going to drown in it again?

"Breathe. Give me the gun." Jade carefully took it from his hands. Karkat watched, almost drunkenly, as she whipped around and shot, again and again and again, until the gun made only clicking sounds, emptied. She slammed her fist down on a red button on the side of their booth. The paper target moved towards them. Karkat felt that his heart, rather than slowed down, had stopped altogether with her sudden movements. The target stopped in front of them, all of the bullets had made their mark. A huge gaping hole pierced the target's head. Jade was a perfect shot.

"How-"

"It took a lot of time and practice to get this good. I was very scared the first time I held a gun. My granpa had given it to me. He was going to teach me to shoot, in case I needed to protect myself. His first lesson was how easily it was to take someone's life. The way he said it was so harsh. It felt like he was blaming me for something I didn't even do yet. I didn't touch a gun for another year after that. Then I was-" Jade paused, taking down the target and putting up a new one. "Being a part of a well-known family makes it kind of hard to be self-sufficient some times. I didn't want to move around with a bunch of guard dogs. And I mean hired security not actual dogs. I would have been okay with dogs." Jade pressed the button again, watching the target move back. She picked up a new magazine for the pistol, reloading the gun. "I had a bad experience and realized I wanted to learn how to be self-sufficient. I wanted to protect myself and the people around me." Jade turned around and looked at Karkat gently. "You understand what it means to hold a gun. It can do unrepairable damage. And you know that. That's how I know you'll be able to fire it well." Jade passed him the weapon. "Take it and aim like I showed you."

Karkat positioned himself as she had instructed him to.

"That target," She pointed at the paper hanging a distance away. "Is someone going to hurt Dave. He is going to hurt Dave and he is going to hurt you. He is going to take away everything you love and care about in this world. What are you going to do about it?"

Karkat's eyes stung with unreleased tears. He fired the gun. He fired it again and again and again.

When it was empty he dropped his arms and Jade hit the button. The target came forward. Most of the holes landed squarely in the target's designated 'heart'. One skirted just outside of the area.

Jade smiled at him. "You're a natural!"

Karkat and Jade sat on a bench in a members only locker room, eating the lunch Jane had packed them. Jane had cut off his sandwich crust but Jade's was still intact which meant she had paid extra attention to how his was prepared. How had she known he liked his cut off? Jane was more than a great chef. Jane was magical.

"Can I ask you something?" Karkat set down his sandwich.

"Lay it on me." Jade said in between chewing a bite of her apple.

"What was with the clothes thing this morning? I mean, this is obviously Dave's shirt. Why did you make me wear it?"

She grinned. "He left it where it didn't belong so I gave it to you."

"And it belongs… on me?"

"Well, duh, silly. You're his boyfriend."

Karkat felt a rush of pride hit him in the gut, followed by a swell of endearment for Jade. He took another bite of his sandwich before placing it down again. He swallowed. "Can I ask you another question? This one might be kind of personal but I kind of wanted to know…"

"You wanna know if I still like Dave?"

Karkat didn't say anything but his expression must have given him away.

"I don't, so you can stop worrying. You really shouldn't doubt yourself so much. Actually, you might be interested to know that _I_ broke up with _him_."

"What?!"

She snorted, "Outlandish, I know. Handsome devil though he is, Dave Strider can still be dumped. He was kind of clingy when we were dating. Very overprotective. It was suffocating, being treated like almost every sign of danger might break me. I mean, wanting to protect someone you love is natural, but I didn't want to feel babied. Dave is way too doting when he loves someone."

"I thought you liked the idea of protecting your loved ones."

"Well, yeah. _I_ like protecting them. When it's the other way around it doesn't sit as right with me. I want to be independent."

"Huh." Karkat rested back onto the bench. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and read the incoming message.

"Who is it?" Jade's interest was piqued.

"My friend. She's also, uh, a college friend of Dave's. She's worried because I haven't talked to her in a while and I left her a pretty scary voice message in her inbox last time I called."

"What did you say?"

"I told her my apartment blew up."

"Yeah, that'll do it."

"She wants me to stay the night with her to make sure I'm still intact and not, and here I will paraphrase this disgusting bit of vulgar language she's using, rotting tissue clumps stuck to my apartment walls."

Jade turned Karkat's phone to her and grimaced. "That is quite some interesting vernacular. I think your version was watered down by like ninety-eight percent. This is actually a linguistic masterpiece of disturbing proportions."

"I'm sure she'd thank you. Guess I'm sleepin at her place tonight then. Can't leave her in the dark like that." There's a good blind joke Terezi's probably never heard before. He can't wait to tell her. Karkat can already hear her cackling.

"Alright, but not before we send you to her with a full stomach. Jane's been so happy to have someone else eat her cooking for a change."


	11. NepRezi Lives On

Jane and Jade dropped Karkat off at Terezi's house around dinner time. He hopped out of the back seat and walked up to the driver's side window for goodbyes.

"You have your gun and holster?" Jade questioned.

Karkat lifted them up. "Got em."

Jane handed him a Tupperware container. "I don't know what you plan on having for dinner tonight but I made some cookies for desert if you wanna share with your friends."

Karkat felt his face heat up and he quietly whispered his thanks.

Jade giggled. "Karkat Vantas! You speak up and thank your mother properly!"

"I said 'thank you' already!"

Jane reached out and ruffled his hair. "You're very welcome."

He watched as their minivan drove down the street and turned the corner. Only when it was out of sight did he finally decide to head into Terezi's apartment complex. He found her room and knocked on the door. There was fumbling and loud thumping noises on the other side before she finally answered. Her hair was sticking out at places and her clothes were rumpled.

"Hey," She grinned sheepishly and leaned against the door way, too casual and highly suspicious.

"You look a hot mess. Can I come in?" Karkat tried to move past her but she stopped him.

"Wait! I have another guest over right now and she's getting um… presentable?"

Karkat blinked slowly. "You have company over?"

"Why, yes. I do entertain now and again. You aren't the only person leading a life of romance and intrigue."

"Who is she? Do I know her?" Karkat tried to peek over Terezi's shoulder to no avail.

"Duh, doofus. You watched me ask her out."

"You're dating _Nepeta_?"

"Is that Karkitty?" Nepeta's sweet girly voice drifted into the entryway. She brightened when she saw him. "So _you're_ the reason Terezi didn't want me over right meow."

"Well, I mean he is dealing with a lot of stuff right now, I mean, meow. And I need to help him out since it's an obligatory friend thing." Karkat had never seen Terezi this flustered. He wished he had popcorn.

"I was just kitten! Let him in! We ordered a pizza and it should be here soon." Nepeta leaned up to whisper in Terezi's ear. Karkat managed to catch the gist of what she was saying. It sounded like she had plans to sleep over tonight too and that Terezi could compensate her later for their interrupted moment.

Terezi cackled nervously and led them to the living room. "Take a seat. Do I smell cookies?"

Karkat set the container on an ottoman, since it was the only place he could think to put it. "Fresh baked too. Jane made them."

She gasped. "Oh, she shouldn't have!" She reached down and scooped up five in her hand. "Chocolate chip?"

"Of course."

"These would go great with some milk! I'll be right back." Nepeta stood up and left for the kitchen.

"So why is she here tonight? I don't mean to be invasive or anything but the situation is a little dangerous right now for anyone else getting involved," Karkat tried to keep his voice low.

"To have sex." Karkat sputtered, coughing up cookie crumbs. "She was worried since I haven't been spending enough time with her lately. Your fault. And so she took it upon herself to come over and we were almost about to have a really great taco party before you showed up and ruined everything."

"You invited me over!"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to turn away my girlfriend while she's feeling neglected, even if it's for her own safety. Who the fuck do I look like? Edward Cullen?" Terezi sighed, "Besides. She can handle herself. I actually feel safer with her around."

Nepeta waltzed back into the room, three glasses in one hand and a jug of milk in the other. "Why do you two look so exhausted? It's only six."

"We were talking about how you don't seem to care that being here puts you in danger." Terezi smiled tiredly at her.

"Aw, you guys were worried about me? But you know," Nepeta put down the glasses and milk to reach into her pockets, "I've got these fat cats so I'll be just fine." She took out her hands having retrieved brass knuckles for each one.

Karkat rested his face in his hands. "You have to be shitting me. Are there no women in my life that don't have some strange fixation with deadly weapons?"

"No," Terezi and Nepeta answered simultaneously.

Nepeta took a seat in between Terezi's legs on the floor. "So, what's been goin on with you and Dave that caused this serious situation anyhow? Terezi told me al-mouse-st all of it. But she's withholding any of the romantic stuff because she said it was personal and I shouldn't pry, but, hey, if I get answers from a consenting Karkitty, it's not technically prying, right?" She peered up and smirked at Terezi who was staring grumpily at the space in between her legs.

"We-. Um. We sort of got into an argument. It was kind of dumb but it mostly has to do with me being really insecure still." Karkat stared at the carpet, not wanting to continue.

"I thought things were going really great. Didn't you quit working at the coffee shop because you moved into Dave's place?"

"Well, yeah. In theory that's how it was supposed to work, but I also still kept my apartment."

Nepeta's eyes widened. "You didn't move in with him completely?!"

"No. I didn't think it would be that bad! I needed to have something to fall back on if…"

"If he left you." Terezi's voice was cold and unpitying. "So you didn't trust him."

"Not completely! How do people do that? Just give themselves to another person without reservations? That sounds so incredibly stupid! You could get seriously hurt!"

"Well, I mean, yeah but that's kind of the point." Nepeta's casual tone cut through the tension Karkat's screaming had caused.

"What do you mean?"

"You sort of have to relinquish a lot to be in a relationship with someone. It takes a lot of moxy to just trust so absolutely. But you also know they won't let you down when you do. You know Dave won't ever hurt or leave you, right?"

"… Yes."

"Then you don't have to be such a scaredy cat, silly!"

"Well said." Terezi nodded sagely. "Oh, yeah, I also wanted to ask you about your time with Jade's. Did you get all the dirt on her and Dave yet?"

Nepeta swatted her leg. "Are you fur real? We just got his insecurities untangled and put all nicely into a ball of manageable yarn and you want to bring up his boyfriend's past relationships?"

"Hey, it's okay. We talked it over. Jade's actually really cool and I can see why Dave liked her. She said they broke up because he was too overprotective but that's a little hard to believe to be honest. Dave's not like that… right?"

Terezi burst out laughing. "Oh my god! Dave is totally like that! He is a huge, pushover, devoted tool bag whenever he is head over heels for someone and he's only gotten worse ever since he started dating you!"

Karkat sat up, offended. "What the fuck? He's never been that way!"

"Dave is so overprotective with you, more so than he ever was with Jade. The only reason you can't tell is because you love being coddled by him." She bobbed her eyebrows up and down. "Admit it, Vantas. You love being doted on!"

"I do not!"

"You fucking love being smothered in Dave's love and that's why you don't notice it!"

"He doesn't smother me!"

"Oh, yeah? Wanna bet?" She leaned down to Nepeta as if she were the judge. "Then here's a little interesting tidbit of information. Even while in hiding Dave is still watching over him."

"Wait. What?" Karkat blushed.

"Scandalous!" Nepeta put a hand to her mouth to cover her widening smile.

"You said it yourself the other night. He came out of hiding just to protect you from going into your apartment. That means he's been lurking around and shadowing you. He's watching over you and you are so fucking oblivious."

Karkat gaped. He did recall Dave mentioning briefly something about trailing him. "That-that jackass!"

"Yeah. Despite risk of injury or death your stupid, love-drunk boyfriend leaves the confines of safety to follow you around and makes sure you reach your daily destinations okay."

Karkat leaned back into the sofa. "What do I do with this information?"

"You have to do a preemptive strike!" Nepeta stood up and pointed down at Karkat. "Win back your man and tell him he's being ridiculous! You should be fighting this mutual enemy together. You can't let him tell you to continue living life normally while he sorts it all out himself. That's just wrong!" Nepeta glanced at Terezi for a moment. "And it'll just make you feel bad about not being there fur each other."

Terezi grinned sweetly and turned to Karkat. "I love it when she gets all impassioned about relationships like that." The tips of Nepeta's ears turned red but she kept her cool as she plopped herself down into Terezi's lap. Terezi let out a loud "Oof!" as all the wind was knocked out of her. "Fucking enchanting," She wheezed out.

"Okay. That sounds like some pretty solid advice. But first I need to find him, right? Where do you think he is?"

Terezi folded her hands neatly in Nepeta's lap. "Well, I think it's safe to assume he isn't at your apartment, or staying with Rose. Kanaya would have told you. And you just came from Jade and Jane's. That really only leaves John's now, doesn't it?"

Karkat grimaced, "But I visited his place already."

"You went into his house and saw for yourself that there was no Dave to be found?"

"Um." Karkat thought back to his encounter. "No. I was actually too busy getting soaked with a hose. Then we fought and I got fed up and left."

"You mean he tricked you into leaving so you wouldn't know that Dave was hiding out at his place."

"Excuse me?"

Terezi snorted, "As the kids are saying these days, 'You done got played, son'."

"But it should be easier to get him to invite me in now that I know what he's doing, right?"

Terezi and Nepeta shrugged.

"Well, then I guess that settles it. I've got my next move. I murder John, break into his house, and then steal back Dave."

"Purrobably a little too violent, but I'm sure you can work out the kinks later."

Karkat slept on the coach that night while Nepeta had commandeered both Terezi and her bedroom for the evening. Like most nights, he was finding it a bit difficult to sleep. By two he was wide awake for reasons other than his own brain not wanting to turn off.

A loud moan echoed down the hall and into the living room. It was accompanied by the sounds of rustling sheets and quiet pants. That was the moment Karkat Vantas knew he had to get his life back together and stop living in other people's homes.


	12. Into The Closet Once More

Karkat arrived at John's place in the late afternoon. It was around the time most suburban families would be getting ready to have dinner. It was the perfect time to catch someone at their most unguarded. Or, at least, Karkat believed this to be so. John was probably just winding down from a day of doing who knows what, about to sit down and enjoy a meal. Absolutely vulnerable.

He cautiously ambled up the walkway, checking the ground for traps and the like. He made it to the steps of the porch unscathed and breathed out a sigh of relief. It looked like he had chosen a good time to pay a visit. He hopped up the stairs and rang the doorbell. A jolt of electricity ran through his hand and he quickly jumped back, stumbling until he landed squarely on his ass.

"Holy fucking shit!" It was one of those joke buzzers. Egbert had installed a fucking joke buzzer into his house as a doorbell. What an absolute lunatic.

The door creaked open and John peered out, staring down at him. He gave a shy smirk and let out a giggle. "Hey, Karkat! I got you pretty good didn't I? I had that installed just recently. Isn't it great?"

Karkat stood up, dusting off his pants and behind. "No, it is not ' _great_ '", Karkat mimicked the joviality in John's voice. John rolled his eyes. "What if I was hurt? I could have had a heart attack or fell backwards off of the steps and hit my head!"

"Jeez! You are no fun. Why are you here anyway?" John crossed his arms. The stance looked defensive and Karkat was aware of how much of his body was blocking the doorway.

"I came to visit. I've been staying with your sister and I thought I might drop by for dinner."

"That's kind of rude without an invitation, don't you think? Pretty imposing."

"You weren't exactly Mr. Gracious Host the last time we met either."

"And yet here you are, intruding on my life once more. Did we really kick it off last time or what? You must really enjoy my company."

Karkat took a deep breath. _Don't let him get to you. Don't let him get to you. You know his game now._ "Yeah, sure. You going to invite me in to visit or what?"

"Wow. Rude. How do you know I'm not entertaining a lady friend in there right now?"

"Because you are a huge fucking nerd and any woman willing to spend even a second in your company would have run screaming out of that damned door by now."

"You are not winning visitation rights this way, I hope you know. I'm actually thinking about taking away that privilege altogether."

"As much as I'd enjoy relinquishing that form of torture, you aren't getting rid of me. Let me in the goddamn house."

"Karkat, this is like illegal, I'm sure. It's like breaking and entering or something. I could call the cops on you."

"That's fine. I know a really good lawyer." Karkat folded his arms to match John's determined stance. They stared each other down for a long moment before Karkat sighed, his body slumping forward and his arms going slack at his sides. "Fine, John. You win. I'll go back to your sister's house and I won't ever bother you again." Karkat turned around, ready to depart.

John waved. "Awesome! Nice seeing you again!"

Karkat whipped back around and pushed past John as he was turning to head back inside. "Think a-fucking-gain, motherfucker!" He ran inside and stood in the empty living room.

"Karkat, you complete and utter jackass!" He spun around to face John as he followed him into the room. He looked more unnerved than angry or annoyed.

"What's wrong? You can dish out pranks but you can't take em? That's pretty hypocritical of you. I wonder what Jade or Jane would say about this bad sportsmanship."

"Karkat, get out of my house, or else!"

"Make me, fucker!"

The sounds of tires screeching to a halt just outside stopped their antagonizing. They were silent as they heard an engine die. "Shit. Shit. Shit!" John hurriedly grabbed Karkat's arm and pulled him into a hallway. He opened a closet and shoved him in. "Do not make any noise or I swear you will not live a day in your life where I won't be pulling some kind of gag on you."

Before Karkat could let out a single word of protest, John had shut the door on him. He leaned back into the closet, trying to feel for the wall. He came in contact with something large and warm and most noticeably human. He opened his mouth to gasp or maybe scream but he was silenced by a hand.

A voice whispered into his ear, "We have to stop meeting like this."

The doorbell rung and a stream of curses followed. Karkat heard John laugh as he walked over to the door. "Gentlemen, what can I do for you?"

There was a pause.

"Oops. Sorry about the doorbell. I bought it out of _Prankster's Gambit Monthly_."

A gruff voice answered back, "We came to pay a little visit. Is Mr. Strider at home?" _The Felt._

"Dave? Haven't seen him in a while. Why? What kind of trouble has he been up to lately?"

The voices grew louder. Karkat figured the group had probably moved into the living room, "Nothing much. Our boss just has some business with him is all. You sure you haven't seen him? We know you and him are on good terms Mr. Egbert."

"Yeah, Dave and I are pretty close. We're probably like best friends. You jelly?"

"Mr. Egbert, you wanna step outside with us? We were plannin a little trip down to the shore. We could go for a walk and play twenty questions."

Karkat heard the sound of someone sinking into the couch. John let out a relaxed sigh, "Yeah, that's probably not the best idea. See I'm currently in line for a major baking corporation and if anything happened to me, my old lady would just about have a conniption. She wouldn't even let me climb trees when I was little kid! Can you believe that? So, I know you guys are cool and everything, but I doubt she'd be okay with me going down to the beach at this hour with a bunch of dangerous gangsters. What if some awful accident was to befall me? Who would take over Betty Crocker baking industries then?" It was all said jokingly but Karkat knew a vaguely worded threat when he heard one. It roughly translated out as, "You mess with me and I will have a multibillion dollar corporation on your ass faster than you can say 'John is a grandma's boy.'"

"Well, we wouldn't want to intentionally upset any old ladies and cause some sort of 'incident'," Words of retreat, "I think it's time for us to go boys. We'll be in touch Mr. Egbert," A moment of contemplative silence passed, "And please consider changing your doorbell back to something more appropriate. You're a grown man. Please act like an adult."

As soon as Karkat heard the front door close, he burst from the closet and ran into the living room like a storm. He pointed at John, who sat tired but content on the sofa. "I knew it! _I knew it!_ "

John rolled his eyes. "Dave, please control your boyfriend. He is going to disturb the neighbors."

Dave came out of the hallway, frowning as he placed his hand back over Karkat's mouth. "Babe, shoosh. I know you are sort of getting off on the fact that you trumped John's diversion skills, but there are incredibly alive and deadly mobsters outside still."

Karkat yanked Dave's hand away and turned to face him. " _You!_ "

Dave raised an eyebrow over his shades. "Me?"

"What the fuck do you think you are doing getting this absolute dunderfuck to keep me from seeing you?"

John let out an annoyed, "Hey!"

"I told you the last time we talked. By keeping you away from me, I'm keeping you out of harm's way. The Felt aren't after you right now. They're aiming for m-"

"I don't care!"

The room went quiet.

John let out a long whistle and stood up awkwardly. "Man,I'm starving! I'm gonna put a frozen pizza in the oven."

Karkat waited until he had left the room to continue. "I want to be near you. I want to help and be involved and I don't want you facing dangerous things alone!"

"Well, I don't want you facing dangerous things at all so…"

"Dave." Karkat made sure his eye contact didn't waver. "I'm the son of a mob boss. Getting involved in some type of gang dispute was an inevitability and shielding me from it isn't going to do anything but take a toll on our relationship. _Please_ tell me what's been going on, because I'm really lost right now and all I know is I _need_ to be with you."

Dave removed his glasses, rubbing at his eyes. Karkat noted the dark circles resting under them. "Okay." He placed them on top of his head. "God, where do I begin with all this shit? I told you already about how The Felt broke in and I escaped out through the window and climbed down the fire escape. I, okay, so this might come as a shock so maybe you should sit down." Karkat remained standing, his arms crossed and impatiently waiting. "I'm sort of an heir for a corporation, like John, but not something so famous or big. My family is also involved with the mafia but it's less of a crime syndicate thing and more like our customers tend to be from that occupation."

Karkat stared at him, befuddled. "Dave, what does your family do?"

"We produce sex toys." Dave swallowed. " And among our biggest buyers are The Felt members."

"You have ties to The Felt… and you didn't tell me?!" Karkat's voice went up an octave.

"I didn't think it was that big of an issue. I also never really thought I'd have to inherit. I'd just pass it off onto Rose or whoever was more suited to it, but right now I'm legally the heir. Look, the only reason this information is relevant right now is because I've been using those ties to pull some strings lately, okay? It wasn't really something I was hiding. I just didn't want to get you involved with more mob stuff than you already are."

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you kept this big revelation a secret from me so that you can continue explaining shit, but, just so you know, you will be in for it later. What strings did you pull?"

"Well, first I got in touch with Dirk and Jake, since they are currently in charge of Plush Rump and Co. I told them what happened and I got some pretty juicy gossip on what's been going down at The Felt mansion."

"What's been happening at the mansion?"

"There's currently a lot of discord amongst the grunts. The new boss is up to deplorable things and his leadership is under question. Some members are dissatisfied with the way he's been treating his sister, Calliope. And a lot of them think he's been getting in over his head with the kind of business he's been dirtying his hands with."

"What's he been doing?"

"Dealing drugs."

Karkat scrunched up his face. "That's messy business."

"Yeah, so basically I got the lowdown from Dirk that the orders have been lessening, which means some of The Felt have been either thinking about leaving or have already left. I took a chance and made contact with one of the guys that hasn't been putting orders through The Felt's name anymore."

"Who?"

"Guy named Crowbar. Talked to him a bit about what's been happening in the gang. He's been kind of upset since his boss' sister isn't being treated right and his orders were getting too morally conflicting. He was asked to lead the raid on our place and he was supposed to off me. He couldn't follow through and so he turned his crowbar in and left the mansion. He's currently living with a few other guys that went with him. It was originally just him and Itchy but members kept dropping and flocking to him. I met with them a few times at Jade's. They said you ran into them once." Karkat recalled the seemingly unused pool table in The Felt mansion. The seven and one ball were Crowbar and Itchy's symbols. The table must have been keeping tabs on which members were still siding with Caliborn. Karkat bet if he reentered that room a few more balls would be keeping company with the original isolated pair. "They're all really scared for Calliope and they've offered their assistance if we're planning anything."

There was a lump in Karkat's throat. He was feeling relieved that Crowbar had chosen him over his boss. He still cared about him. " _Are_ we planning anything?"

"Dirk, Jake, and Roxy are flying in to Jersey tonight. I got Rose, Jade, Crowbar, Itchy, Clover, Die, Doze, and The Midnight Crew on standby. We're planning a raid of The Felt mansion."

"You contacted my dad?!"

"I'm surprised you didn't."

"He's kind of a hard guy to get in touch with, Dave."

"I know. That was pure luck. I accidently ran into him at a grocery store in the candy aisle. The man likes his licorice Scotty dogs. I let him in on the blatant truce breaking and he was pretty enraged. Had to get like some big beefy dude to carry him out of the place."

"Hearts Boxcars."

"Who the fuck ever. Anyway. We're now in contact and whenever we're ready, we're usurping that misogynistic dick, Caliborn and placing Calliope as the head of The Felt."

Karkat took a moment to let all of the new information he had just heard soak in.

Dave's brow furrowed. "And I don't want you being there when we do."

"What?!" Karkat felt a pain in his chest.

"I love you and I don't want you being where people will be shooting off bullets? I mean, it isn't an unreasonable thing."

"Did you not hear me when I was telling you how I planned on sticking around you anyway?"

"I did and you have no idea how much that scares me." Karkat searched Dave's face for any cracks in the wall of worry and determination he found there. Something that would let him wiggle in and allow him to fight alongside Dave. There wasn't a single moment of hesitation that crossed his face. He knew Dave would tie him up if he had to to stop Karkat from joining the raid. Hell. He'd probably pay John to play warden and keep him locked up.

Karkat let out a defeated sigh. "You aren't going to change your mind about this, are you?"

"No."

The resolution of the word cut through Karkat like a knife. He was just supposed to wait at home being the one who worried instead of Dave? And yet, thinking about it, he knew that was going to be the most painful position to be in. Being the one to worry. Maybe he could do it. If it made things easier for Dave then-, "Can I at least stay the night?" His voice cracked at the end of his question and he watched as panic lit up Dave's face for a brief moment before he pulled Karkat into a tight embrace.

"Yeah, man. You can stay. John isn't gonna mind and there won't be any more Felt visitors coming tonight. We got the whole guest bedroom to ourselves."

Karkat couldn't see what expression he was making while his face was pressed to Dave's chest, but something in his voice sounded scared and doubtful.


	13. WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE!

John's guest bedroom was larger than Jade's, or it appeared that way. The only piece of furniture in the room was a queen sized bed, cloaked in a very plain white comforter set. John seemed like a simple guy when it came to interior design so Karkat guessed the room fit his tastes.

Dave pulled a duffle bag out from the closet and tossed Karkat a baggy t-shirt and a new pair of boxers. "You know these aren't going to fit, right?"

"The boxers or the shirt?"

"Both."

"Yeah, I know. Guess you'll just have to wear the t-shirt then." Dave gave him a nervous little smile. It had been a while since they shared a room. And a bed. Karkat felt his face heat up. Dave's anxiousness was almost contagious.

"I guess the shirt it is." He tossed the boxers back to Dave and started to tug his own shirt off. He pulled the other one on and started to remove his pants. His underwear came down with them. A deliberate move. Karkat peeked to see Dave's reaction. Dave was staring silently, mouth slightly agape at Karkat's legs. "Aren't you going to get ready for bed?" Karkat asked pointedly sitting down and patting the sheets welcomingly.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally." Dave, obviously flustered, started flinging off his clothes and removed his shades until he was just in his skivvies. He flicked the lights off and hopped into bed next to Karkat. They were quiet for a while, Karkat, turned away from Dave, fidgeting, and Dave, staring quietly up at the ceiling without making a sound.

Karkat rolled his eyes and turned back around. "So..."

"So." Dave turned his way, expression cautious, hesitant.

"You haven't made one comment about how much you like my legs and that's worrying me."

Dave looked dumbfounded for a moment before he broke into laughter. "Babe, you know I love your legs. Prettiest thighs I've ever been between." Dave didn't say another word. But he also didn't touch him.

Karkat's brow furrowed. Something was wrong. Dave was scared. "D-do you want to touch them?" Karkat moved his leg over Dave's.

Karkat could tell even in the dark that a pretty red flush was tinting Dave's cheeks. He smiled. "Well, if you insist." He slipped his fingers under the hem of Karkat's shirt, trailing his thumb against his hip before sliding it back down. Karkat curled his legs closer so Dave could skim his hand behind his knee and down his calf. The cool petting felt pleasant on his heated skin. All at once Dave withdrew his hand. _No. No. No._ "What were we even fighting about the night all of this went wrong?"

Karkat was baffled by the question. "I-I think I was mad because you were making goo-goo eyes at some of the girls at your club." The issue seemed a bit lackluster now that they were in a world of shit.

"I wasn't making "goo-goo eyes". I winked at everybody in the audience. Entertaining is part of the job. I didn't mean to make you feel like that."

Karkat groaned and pulled the comforter over his head. "I know! I know you have to be a huge flirt and it drives me fucking insane. I was just… jealous... I'm sorry." Karkat reached across the bed and grabbed Dave's hand, moving it to rest on his hip. "Also stop being so skittish. I'm your boyfriend so you shouldn't be afraid to touch me."

"I didn't know since I figured you were still upset about not knowing my family business and all that."

"Dave, I am the son of a mob boss. You might be surprised to find I'm going to be highly sympathetic to your situation. Also, _I want you to touch me._ "

Dave wasted no time rolling himself over Karkat's body. He moved the hand resting on Karkat's hip around his back, arching him up to bring them closer while the other helped him balance. "God, I need you so bad. I kept having to see you every day and I couldn't touch you." Dave buried his face in Karkat's neck. "It was hell, Kat. My own personal hell. Jesus, I missed your scent."

Karkat reached up and hooked his arms around Dave's neck, pulling him down. He pressed his knee into the space between Dave's thighs. Dave moaned quietly into his ear. "If John hears us we're going to be in trouble. He might kick us out for being bad house guests."

"Screw John. I have had to put up with his stupid pranking antics for days. He can handle one night without sleep." Dave nibbled at the conjunction of Karkat's neck and shoulder. Karkat curled his toes as Dave sucked at the sensitive skin.

"I hope you plan on taking this somewhere because I wasn't nearly as satisfied as you might have thought I was with that crap you pulled in the alleyway."

Dave chuckled. "You would have gone through with that? You wanted to get fucked in a place like that?" Karkat shivered. Dave nipped at his earlobe. "Kat, that's really _dirty_."

Karkat whimpered.

Dave drew back and reached under the bed. Karkat took the moment of reprieve to stare at the ceiling, panting heavily and wondering how Dave got his voice to sound that low. The vibrations felt like they had gone straight to his dick. When Dave was above him once more, he had a small container in his hand. "You know, I was also pretty unhappy with how I had to leave you last time. That's why I went to the grocery store. Had to pick up a travel sized thing of lube in case we ran into the same problem."

"The grocery store… where you met my dad?"

"Yep."

" _YOU BOUGHT LUBE IN FRONT OF MY DAD?!_ "

"I also bought Twizzlers. That's when we met in the candy aisle. I don't think he really cared much about the lube. Probably just thought I needed something to spank it with."

Karkat groaned. "Oh my god. My life is over. I'll never be able to show my face around my family ever again." He buried his face in his hands. "I might have to change my name and move."

"Well, that's a little overdramatic."

Karkat peeked out from between his fingers. "You killed my boner, asshole."

"Well, shit. That needs immediate rectifying." Dave pushed himself down and pulled Karkat's lower half forward. He bent his head down in between his legs.

Karkat almost wished he had kept his underwear on so that he had some time to register Dave springing an impromptu blow job on him. "Shit! Wait!" One of Karkat's hands gripped the sheets, while the other went to his mouth to stifle any embarrassing sounds that tried to escape. Dave slipped his lips over him and took him deep in one fell move. Karkat's breathing was coming out erratic and fast. He looked down at Dave's face. He was watching Karkat's as he moved up and down over his shaft. Heat was beginning to pool at the pit of Karkat's stomach. He was so close. He was going to scream. He was going to-

Dave slipped his mouth off of Karkat. Karkat sat up. "You _motherfucker_!"

Dave laughed. "Shh! You're going to wake up the whole block."

"Then do it right!" Karkat whispered loudly.

Dave smiled up at him, apparently pleased with his antics. He went back to work, teasing the urethra with his tongue, sometimes coiling around the tip.

"Shit! Dave!" The focus on such a sensitive area was too much. "Wait! Pull away! I'm going to-" Dave deep throated him once more. He moved up and down on him like he had done previously only faster. He continued the motion as Karkat rode out his orgasm. Karkat threw his head back and let out a cry of delicious relief.

Dave sat up and rested his head on the inside of Karkat's thigh, which was in turn being supported by Dave's hand. His legs were too weak to stay up on their own for the moment. "Was that good or was that good?"

Karkat didn't know whether he wanted to kick him or kiss him. He had a white line of dribble hanging from his chin. "You are such fucking dork. Please wipe that shit eating grin off your face."

Dave wiped off the cum staining his chin. "Not shit but I did just ingest it so whatever."

"You did not."

"Do I have to open my mouth for you to check? Look, daddy, I swallowed all my medicine." Dave opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out.

"No! No! No! No! Stop with the daddy kinkster horseshit! That is the last straw! Please bring your face up here so I can kiss you so stupid you no longer can form words like that."

"With pleasure." Dave slid back up and brought his lips down on Karkat's.

"You. Know. You haven't. Used. That lube. Yet," Karkat interjected between kisses.

He felt Dave smile against his mouth. "Good call." He picked up the lube again from the other side of the bed and squeezed some out. He warmed it by rubbing it around on his fingers some before pressing one to Karkat's entrance. He traced the outside teasingly and Karkat felt himself clench down on nothing. Slowly, Dave entered him. The finger flicked around until it finally curled up and touched the spot that made Karkat sing. "Ready for another finger?" Dave's voice was gentle and cautious and everything Karkat loved.

He nodded, too busy biting his bottom lip to say anything. Dave pressed their mouths together again before adding in another finger, attempting to stop Karkat from gnawing his lip raw. Dave's fingers curled and uncurled every once in a while as he continued to stretch Karkat out.

"Dave... Just put it in already," Karkat breathed out, trying to keep calm. But he could feel tears stinging the back of his eyes.

"I don't think you're ready yet. Just a little more."

Impatient, Karkat pushed Dave off of him and rolled over to straddle his hips. "If you don't get in me right now, I will cut off your cock. Rule of evolution: You don't use it, you lose it."

"That rule has actually been disproven. It's- _Woah_." Karkat pulled Dave's boxers down and wrapped his fingers around Dave's dick. He lined it up with his entrance, carefully trying to keep it wide with his other hand. Dave's hands were planted at his hips, keeping him steady.

Slowly, Karkat managed to ease down on Dave's cock. "Is it… Is it in all the way yet?"

Dave was making soft little panting noises. "Not… yet."

"Dave, I need you to-." Karkat tried to move himself farther down.

"I got you, babe." Dave thrust the rest of the way up into Karkat. Karkat let out a surprised gasp. "You wanna move now or should I?" Dave's question was meant to provoke.

Karkat's hands rested on Dave's chest. He looked up at him with wet eyes. "Move, _damn it_ ," He begged.

Without another word Dave began thrusting his hips up and into Karkat. He angled himself properly, aiming for the spot he had previously found with his fingers. Karkat arched over top of him, head thrown back and arms now grasping Dave's thighs for support. "You're so beautiful, Kat. I missed you so much. I love you." Dave let the words spill out an innumerable amount of times. Karkat twitched and clenched around Dave as the praises soaked in. His mouth tried to form the words he wanted to say back but he was incoherent, only managing to breathe and moan.

Karkat reached down and gripped himself. He started stroking to Dave's pace, slowly becoming undone. The rhythm Dave had been keeping was beginning to get more erratic and frantic. Seconds later he was tossing back his head and groaning as he spilled into Karkat. The feeling of Dave's warmth filling him was enough to push Karkat over the edge as well. He racked with pleasure until he was unable to remain sitting up. He fell forward into Dave's awaiting arms. They curled around him and Dave's hand wandered, weaving into his hair, trailing the line of his back, giving his ass a happy squeeze.

"Wow. No reservations about touching me now are there?"

Dave didn't answer. He had his eyes closed, kissing the top of Karkat's head repeatedly.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" Karkat tried to slide up and get on eye level with Dave but he received a kiss to his lips upon arrival. "Dave."

"Hmm?" Dave smiled and nuzzled into Karkat's neck.

" _Dave_."

"Yes?" His voice came out floaty and high.

"You sound like a lovesick idiot."

"I am a lovesick idiot."

Karkat snorted and pushed himself off of Dave, allowing himself, instead, to be pulled into the position of little spoon. "I guess I am too."

Karkat felt Dave press against his ass and he flinched. "Heres hoping for a round two tonight."

Karkat snickered and cuddled in closer, "We've got a shit ton of sex to catch up on so you better be goddamn well prepared for more than two rounds."

Dave presented no arguments.


	14. The Morning After

Karkat breathed in the warm smell of another human being as soon as his mind was brought to consciousness. He had a large pillow gripped firmly and snuggly to his chest and pressed to his cheeks. It smelled like Dave. He reached around the pillow, his eyes still closed. His hand felt around the space next to him on the bed. It fell into empty air and landed on the sheets.

Karkat's eyes flew open and he sat up in a panic. Dave wasn't there. A chilly sweat was beginning to break out down his back. He threw the comforter off and jumped out of bed. Haphazardly, he quickly grabbed his boxers and a t-shirt from the floor and dressed himself as he walked to the door.

 _Where could he have gone? He was just there. He wouldn't have left yet. Right? Where was Dave?_ Karkat's mind wandered endlessly down a train of thought leading nowhere.

Upon exiting the hallway he froze. John was sitting on his couch in the living room to his left, the newspaper in his hands as he skimmed the comics section. In the kitchen, to his right, Dave sat, his back to him, on a stool at the island, a cup of coffee in his hand. Karkat let out a shaky breath. He was still here. Just seeing him lifted a giant weight from Karkat's chest. He felt like crying again, but he didn't want to. Not in front of John.

Dave took notice of him first, turning in his seat. His shades were off. His eyes widened in both surprise and worry. In an instant he was out of his chair and making his way across the kitchen tile, scooping him up in a hug and burying Karkat's face in his chest.

Karkat could hear John placing the paper down. "What's wrong? What's up with him?" He sounded more curious than concerned.

Dave's head whipped around and Karkat could tell he was probably glaring at him. "John, could you shut up for a sec? K thanks."

John huffed but didn't say a word more. Dave lifted Karkat up and carried him into the kitchen. He sat down in his chair with Karkat settled on his lap.

"You doin okay today?" Dave's voice quietly drifted down into his ear.

Karkat nodded. He peered up at Dave's face. "I thought you left me again."

Dave looked at him pained. "Oh no, no. You don't have to worry about that happening ever again, okay? Remember how I was telling you about the plans I got set up? They're all gonna be put in motion real soon. You don't have to worry about me disappearing on you anymore. Jesus, Kat. I'm always gonna be here."

John groaned in the living room before calling out an extended, "Gaaaaaaaaaay!"

Dave stiffened. "Hey, John, buddy ol' pal of mine."

"Yes, Dave?"

"You're gonna wanna wash your sheets when we leave."

Karkat and Dave waited in the stunned silence before what he said had finally registered with John. "Gross! Are you fucking serious?" Karkat looked over Dave's shoulder. John was bright red, getting up from his spot on the couch and exiting the room. "I cannot fucking believe you right now!"

Dave chuckled as they heard John stomp down the hall and slam him bedroom door shut. "He's not actually that mad. He's being dramatic. He could stand to be a little more open minded though."

Karkat leaned into him. Dave picked up his coffee mug and was bringing it to his mouth. Karkat placed his hand over Dave's and drew the cup to his mouth instead, intercepting the bitter drink. He needed to wake up. He didn't need this much hysteria in the morning. He also had to be clear headed when they went over Dave's plan again.

Dave let him down the entire thing, instead opting to cuddle his face into the crook of Karkat's neck. He trailed a few kisses up to his jawline.

"Y-You can tell me about the plan now," Karkat was trying to stay calm but the memories of last night kept coming back in rapid hot flashes.

Dave helped him place the coffee back down before winding a hand up his shirt and feeling up his sides. "We don't have to do that _right_ now."

"Dave, we are not going to do this in John's kitchen. He will never let either of us be guests here again. I'd never be able to make eye contact with him."

Dave sighed, his warm coffee breath heating up the back of Karkat's neck. "Alright, I'll tone it down for Egbert. We did just get R-rated in his guest bedroom after all.

Karkat maneuvered himself in Dave's lap, turning so that his legs were spread out and on either side of Dave's torso. He felt like he needed to face him when they discussed the plan. "So what's going down?"

Dave rested his hands on Karkat's back and right hip to keep him steady. "The plan to usurp Caliborn is officially in motion. I got a call from my bro and he, Jake, and Roxy are in New Jersey. They landed last night and stayed with Rose until this morning." Dave smiled. "Dirk is also bitchin cause Jersey isn't anything like Texas. Says he misses all of the homophobic bigots and biblehumpers."

"I think you mean 'biblethumpers'."

"Yeah, no. I'm pretty sure it's humpers. Anyway, Dirk is gathering our numbers, contactin everybody and settin up a meeting place for when shit hits the fan. You are not going to be attending these meetings. You will be far away from them, safe and sound. I've already talked to Rose, and although she is pretty pissed at me for involving her girlfriend in my 'shenanigans' as she eloquently phrases it and doesn't like that I haven't been in touch with her, she is willing to let you stay the night with her and Kanaya. That should keep you out of the drama zone long enough to execute our invasion of The Felt mansion and take out the head honcho and all of his lackeys."

Karkat hummed. "I don't think you have to take all of them out. There's a room, branching off from the ballroom. It's got a pool table in there. I think that's where he keeps track of everybody. Crowbar and Itchy's numbers were on the other side. I'm pretty sure others are gonna be next to them now too. Keep an eye out for any in the middle. You might be able to just walk in and convince some guys to drop their posts and follow you."

Dave looked uncomfortable. "You're being really optimistic about this. We might not have the time for that kind of thing. And I don't really want to take any chances with people I care about on the line. But, on the off-chance that anybody manages to find the room and assess the lordling's loyalty chart, I'll let everybody know beforehand that it exists. Everybody's gonna be in communication during the attack so they can just walkie in who we might be able to persuade."

Karkat threw his arms around Dave's neck. Someone most likely would die tonight. And there wasn't a doubt in Karkat's mind that it wasn't going to be someone he knew. "Thank you. I've just grown up with some of things guys, you know? I don't want to see them…"

Dave hugged him back. "I know. I get it."

"But even more so, you aren't allowed to die. If any of them hurt you, I don't know what I'd do."

Dave's grip tightened on him. It almost hurt but he let Dave keep squeezing him close. Life without Dave was a very real possibility. "Come back safe to me."

"I will."

"Oh my God."

Dave and Karkat looked up. John had reentered the room.

"Somehow this position is even more scandalous than before. Do you think that maybe you could, like, just pretend that you're self-conscious? Just for my sake? Please."

A fiendish grin spread across Dave's face. Karkat eyed him suspiciously. Uh oh. Dave stood up, Karkat in tow, and dipped him in the kitchen. "Oh! Mi amor!" He trailed his hand up Karkat's leg and pulled it up so that it was pointing straight and positioned near his head. He kissed the tip of his nose.

Karkat squealed in surprise, looking over at John's dumbstruck face before trying to put a stop to his boyfriend's antics. "Dave! I swear to God!" He started laughing as Dave began peppering his face with kisses. "Dave!"

"My blooming desert rose! My shimmering summer sun! And don't get me started on those legs. Like, hot damn."

John heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm just gonna phone Jade then and tell her to get her gun ready, I guess."

Karkat pushed Dave's face away. "Jade's gonna be involved in the raid?"

John shrugged. "Well, yeah. She's a great mark. I'm not gonna be at the rumpus because I'm not really that great at wielding weaponry but I'm sure she'll be fine."

Karkat looked up at Dave, biting his bottom lip. "Who else is going on the raid?"

"Aside from your dad and his crew, the ex-Felt members, Jade, and the StriLondes, nobody. I wouldn't put untrained civilians at risk, Kat."

"So Terezi wasn't aware of any of this either."

"Nah. I did call her this morning though. She's gonna drop a hint to the cops about some illicit activities going down nearby the mansion. They'll hear some strategically sounded off gunfire, come upon the scene, and we'll be out of there before they arrive and finish the raid for us." He rubbed the back of his head. "Or that's how it's supposed to go anyway."

Dave sounded so confident and the plan so carefully pieced together. Everything was really starting to fall into place. Karkat was beginning to find it difficult to feel as anxious as he originally was.

"I think you might want to head over to Kanaya's place now, though. John volunteered to drop you off and I've got to get going to our designated meeting place soon."

Karkat tugged at Dave's shirt and pulled him down into a kiss.

Dave had a goofy smile plastered to his face. What a lovable shmuck. "Was that for good luck?"

"No that was just for me. Why, did you want one of those too?" Karkat waggled his eyebrows. John pulled the back of his shirt collar.

"Okay! Okay! That's enough! Karkat has to get dressed and Dave has to get a move on. I have 'gagging at dorks in love' penned in for twelve-thirty today, guys, and I'd rather not have you throwing off my schedule."

John stopped his light blue Chevy van in Rose and Kanaya's parking lot. The ride over had been annoying. John apparently liked listening to audio recordings of his favorite comedians while he drove. Karkat hopped out of the passenger seat and walked to the driver's window. "I'll see you later, Karkat! I think you're a pretty funny dude and I can't wait until this whole thing blows over so we can actually hang out for real sometime."

Karkat actually flashed him a genuine smile. "Yeah, you aren't so bad either. I mean, you kind of make me want to gouge out my eyeballs with spoons and dangle them on a beaded necklace, but that's actually more tolerable than most people."

John snorted. "You know I was just being theatrical this morning when I was hemming and hawing about you and Dave being intimate in my kitchen, right? The truth is, I've never seen him that happy. He's my best friend and I like it when he's comfortable with himself and, jeez, I'm so bad at this, bluh! Anyway, I know I was giving you guys a hard time, but you're actually pretty cute together and basically… thank you?"

"That was the most awkward thing I've ever had to stand through." Karkat enjoyed watching John fidget in his seat. "But you're welcome."

Karkat waved as John pulled out of the lot, honking his horn. It blasted the Ecto-1 siren noise from _Ghostbusters_. He grimaced. Well, he wasn't going to be completely tolerable right off the bat, but at least he was warming up to him.

He made his way to the front of the building. It had been a while since he caught up with Kanaya. She was probably still upset with Terezi about the dinner date with the Doc.

A hand tapped Karkat on the shoulder before he got to the door, interrupting his train of thought. As soon as he turned around, another person approached him from his side, covering his mouth with a rag. He inhaled quickly, his breathing erratic with panic. He tried to lash out but his attackers grabbed his arms and legs respectively, picking him up and carrying him. Another person held the rag in place, as he tried to shake it off. His vision was blurring and he felt the energy drain from his tired limbs. Three bright green blotches swam in his eyes and he watched the world fade away into darkness.

The last thing he remembered was the smell and sound of burning rubber as he drifted off into a cold and silent sleep.


	15. The Room's Occupant

Little white stars twinkled in and out of focus, dancing on the backs of Karkat's eyelids. His head felt heavy and his limbs creaked as he tried to move them. They didn't make contact with anything when he moved around a bit, so he figured he wasn't in an enclosed space. That ruled out 'in a trunk about to be dropped into the fucking sea with cement shoes on'. The ground beneath him was carpeted, not soft, but a rough itchy material.

Carefully, he opened his eyes a smidgeon. He'd rather his captors not know he was awake yet in case he had the chance to bolt while they weren't looking. But when he realized where he was he couldn't help but widen his eyes and gape at the room before him.

It was the room Terezi and he had found before. The room made for a child and yet a room no child should ever have to spend an extended period of time in, as ugly and dreary as it was. He sat up and looked around. It was messier than the last time they were there. More drawings lined the walls and were scattered over the floors. His eyes traced the clutter until he rested them on a much larger pile in the far right corner of the room.

A shape sat in the shadows, slunk back against the wall, head down, a crayon in its hand moving feverishly on the page. Karkat squinted in the dark for a better look and was surprised at who he found. "Calliope?"

The person in question's hand stopped moving and slowly her head lifted up. "You're awake." Her voice sounded brittle and weak.

Karkat tried to stand up and his head spun. He steadied himself on the wall and cautiously stumbled over to her. He put a hand to his forehead. "Jesus. I've got such a headache right now. Why did your goons kidnap me? And why are you…?" Karkat's voice trailed off as he got a clearer image of the girl. She was incredibly thin, almost unhealthily so, a white nightgown draped over her body. Deep circles enclosed her eyes and her cheek bones were more prominent since the last time they had met, the flesh just under them slightly sunken in. It was jarring image, seeing a young girl resemble a skeleton.

She pulled her legs in closer to her body and clutched the crayon to her chest. "You can sit down if you'd like. I don't think we'll be disturbed very much tonight. My brother seems to be in higher spirits now that you've been captured." She picked up the piece of paper she had been scribbling on and rested it on her thighs. How she could stand to draw in that position was beyond Karkat.

"Did you draw all of these?" Karkat picked up a discarded sheet, trying to occupy his mind so he didn't panic about the state Calliope was in.

Calliope nodded, peeking up once at him before returning to her coloring. "I want to draw comics one day. Although, my brother says they're not good enough for much of anything let alone publication." She shrugged. "I still like drawing them anyway."

"I don't think your brother knows what he's talking about. These are incredible. I especially like the coloring. They all look so vibrant. Are these people you know?"

"No." She smiled to herself. "But they're people I wish I knew."

They were quiet a moment. Nothing but the sound of Calliope's crayon running loose on the page and the occasional clang of a nearby water pipe. Karkat tried to pick up the conversation again, "So… Is this your room?" He asked the question softly, not sure if it might offend her.

She heaved a disheartened sigh, "It is now. It wasn't _just_ mine when I was younger. I shared it with Caliborn." She wrinkled her nose. "He was a very bad roommate."

Karkat assessed the lack of lighting in the room. "It doesn't really seem like a friendly environment for raising kids."

"No, but my father, the previous Lord, wasn't very fond of having us run around and getting in the way of his work, especially me, being a girl and all. Although, Caliborn was allowed upstairs more often since he was expected to eventually inherit," She didn't sound bitter, just weary.

Karkat's skin crawled with the question he had planned to ask next, "Calliope… Are you being kept here against your will?"

She seemed to stop breathing altogether, her body going still and the crayon clenched in a tight fist. Finally, Calliope released the tension she had been holding onto. She set down her art supplies and folded her hands neatly in her lap. She kept eye contact with the floor between them. "Yes. Currently, I am a prisoner in my own home." Her eyes seemed somewhere very far away. "But then again, I don't think I can ever recall a time when I was ever not imprisoned here."

Karkat felt a great empathy for her. He knew what it was like being the child of a mob boss. Certain rules had to be followed. Traditions had to be kept. Although, what Calliope was going through seemed to be much more gruesome than anything Karkat had been previously subjected to. "…Why is your brother doing this?"

She looked at him thoughtfully. "Keeping me here or kidnapping you? Oh, wait. I supposed clarifying the question doesn't really matter in this case considering they both have the same answer. He wants to marry us. He was none too pleased after he found out he was made a fool of. He's also quite vile towards women. He was a raving loon when he discovered how useless I had been at the Christmas party. I'm being punished, I suppose. It's my fault for not presenting myself enough to you and winning us the alliance."

Karkat seethed, "What a fucking asshole! How can The Felt even stand to follow this guy?"

"It isn't hard when they've been following similar traditions for decades now." Karkat recalled how his mother had been forced into the arranged marriage with his father and winced. Before he could remember anything more, Calliope reached out and rested a withered hand on his. He unclenched the fist he didn't know he had been making. "Thank you for being angry on my behalf though. I can't recall the last time someone thought about my feelings."

"But some of The Felt feel the same as me. They're angry for you."

Calliope blinked at him, confused. "All of them are very tightly wound around my brother's fingers. I think you are quite mistaken."

Karkat's eyebrows shot up. "No! It's true. A few of them have already left The Felt. That's how bad they felt when they learned about the way you were being treated. There's Crowbar, Doze, Itchy-"

"Sorry," She held up a hand, interrupting him, "I find it very hard to believe. I don't get told a lot of information down here and the small news that does trickle down tends to be deceiving. My brother had me believe no one cared about me all this time. He said they were all on his side and all of them thought I had failed them." Her voice faltered and Karkat felt his heart stutter in his chest.

Karkat softened his tone, "I don't know what lies your brother has been feeding you but people do care and they want to save you."

"How do you mean?"

"Do you remember, uh, my boyfriend from the Christmas party? The shades wearing douche that almost got his ass shot up?"

She giggled. "I do remember him. How could I forget? You two made such a lovely couple. I've drawn you both on more than one occasion."

Karkat felt a wave of heat run to his cheeks. He fought back the curiosity to ask to see the drawings. "That's… actually pretty cool. But anyway, he has a plan! He's going to-" Calliope covered his mouth with her hand.

She mouthed the words slowly, "The. Room. Is. Bugged."

 _Oh._

Karkat nodded his understanding. She withdrew her hand and pulled out a pen and some clean paper. Karkat accepted the items and wrote down what he wanted to say next, "DAVE IS PLANNING TO INVADE THE MANSION. HE'S BRINGING A SMALL GROUP OF WELLTRAINED INDIVIDUALS AND I'M SURE HE'LL BREAK US OUT."

Calliope pulled out another pen and scribbled beneath his large handwriting, ":u really?!"

He nodded, amused with the tiny face she had drawn next to her tidy cursive.

She smiled warmly at him. Karkat could tell even though she was tired and ragged, how pretty she was. When she smiled she just seemed to glow.

"You know," She spoke aloud now, "You have a lot of faith in this Dave person. You must love him quite a bit."

Karkat sputtered, obviously flustered. "Yeah, well, he's like a solid five-point-five as far as boyfriends go, so can't really complain."

Calliope laughed. "Both of you were very brave to stand up to my brother at the party." She looked down. "I could never imagine anyone doing something like that for me. It's just such a foreign concept."

"I'd be willing to fight your brother for you. He's a jackass," Karkat spoke bluntly, affirming his hatred towards Caliborn.

"That's very kind of you, but I think I might always have these reservations about myself and people being unable to love me. I've been beat down by my brother's harsh words too often that now I don't think I could take anyone saying something like that seriously. I know I'm not very pretty and I'm not very cunning but… I don't know. Is it wrong to want… something more than… this?" She spread her arms out and gestured to the room.

"Absolutely not," Karkat answered firmly. He took her hand in his. "You'll see, Calliope. You do have people looking out for you. I promise. There _are_ people in this world that do love and care about you."

Her expression didn't change and Karkat didn't have to guess very hard to notice that his words were lost on her. She pulled her legs close and rested her head on her knees, smiling kindly at him anyway, "Thank you."


	16. Huddle Up

At an hour to midnight Dave pulled into the parking lot of a local suburban pub. The place was usually a casual hangout spot for mob members but tonight it was an arranged and agreed upon meeting point. He knocked on the back door. A dirty, faded sign that read "EMPLOYEES ONLY. ALL OTHERS WILL BE REMOVED FROM PREMISES DEAD" occupied its front. Dave wondered what dumpster the sorry bastard that defiled it had ended up in.

The door creaked open, only slightly ajar. "Password?" A squeaky voice called from behind.

"We don't have a password, Deuce," Dave addressed the smaller man.

"Oh, right. Well, make one up then!" Deuce was wearing Dave's patience pretty thin.

"How about, 'Karkat has a rockin booty'?"

Deuce looked like he was actually taking the suggestion seriously. "I don't think Slick would be down for that one, personally."

"Yeah, well, not everybody's gonna agree." Dave pushed past him and entered the room. Slick, Droog, and Boxcars were seated at a booth. On the opposite end were Itchy, Crowbar, Doze, and Clover. Aunt Roxy was sitting at the bar, a rifle in one hand and a martini glass in the other. Dirk, Jade, and Jake were standing near the door, looking reprehensive.

Dave decided greeting his bro came first. "Sup?"

Dirk gave him a fist bump. "Yo."

Dave nodded in the direction of the other occupants in the room. "How's everybody getting along?"

Dirk frowned at him. "How do you think? Roxy wants to get a glass in before we pull this _Scarface_ shit, I've honestly never met a more surly and volatile guy than Karkat's dad, and The Felt guys… I really had hoped I'd never have to meet any of my clients face-to-face so this has just been an all-around blessed night. Thank you for this experience."

Dave ignored Dirk's bitching, turning to Jake, "How about you, Jake? How've you been holding up?"

"Um, well, there are certainly a lot of people here, aren't there? It's a good thing Karkat and you have such a lively and expansive group of people that care about you guys."

"You don't look so good." Jake was looking kind of pale and skittish.

"Wow. Rude much?" Dirk interjected, "Don't worry, babe. You always look hot," He assured Jake in a jovial manner.

Jake snorted, "I'm sure I'll be fine once we start the action part of this night. For the rest of it, well, I'd just like to stay out of the spot light I think. You're going to be rallying the troops, aren't you, Dave?"

"Don't worry, Jake. No one expects you to speak. Hey, Harley, where's my hug? I haven't seen you in like five-ever, girl." Dave held his arms out wide.

Jade rolled her eyes but hugged him nonetheless. "You saw me like two or three weeks ago, you dork."

"Damn, it's been longer than I thought."

"You might want to go talk to Slick. He's been kind of on edge… He hasn't stopped glaring at The Felt guys yet."

"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure that's his, like, default facial expression: Scowling and enraged. I would be careful though. I heard around the grapevine that his signature 'hello' is a stab to the kidneys."

"I'm less afraid of him and more afraid of your dumb ramblings. Go mingle with your father-in-law!" She gave him a push. "And don't worry. We'll be fine over here." Dave liked how Jade could easily read people. He was kind of nervous seeing his family abnormally uncomfortable. Usually, they were making everybody else feel like that. Sometimes even on purpose.

"Green dudes." Dave nodded to The Felt members. Clover tipped his hat. Crowbar nodded back. Itchy lifted a hand up in acknowledgement and Dave was pretty certain Doze was passed the fuck out. How did this guy pass recruitment again? "And extended family." Dave heard a low growl emanating from Slick. Droog put out his cigarette and squinted at him none too friendly. Boxcars crushed the glass beer mug he had been holding. "Holy shit."

"Pull up a seat, Mr. Strider," Crowbar gestured to one of the chairs, neatly turned upside down on one of the tables. Dave grabbed it and sat down at the end of the table. The men looked at him expectantly.

"So how's everybody doin tonight?" Dave asked sweetly.

"Deuce told us the new 'password' idea." Slick gritted out.

Dave blanched.

" _I greatly disapprove_ ," The words came out muffled behind Slick's clenched teeth.

"Noted. Password has been vetoed. That password is no longer even on the table anymore for being a viable bill gone law. Congress shut that bitch down faster than-"

Hearts Boxcars cracked his knuckles.

Itchy leaned over the table. "I like the password Deuce told us. Could use some touching up though. How about 'Karkat and Crowbar have a rockin booty'? Get a little Felt representation in there, eh?" He elbowed Crowbar playfully. Clover nodded enthusiastically at the new proposal.

Crowbar's face remained impassive as he was nudged again and again. "Do that one more time." Itchy stopped and instead groaned and threw his arms over the back of the booth, smoothly gliding one to rest over Crowbar's shoulders. Crowbar sighed and hung his face in his hands.

Although a lot of it came off ill-intended, Dave suspected Itchy's 'flirting' was more than likely poorly executed but serious at the core. Crowbar must have though he's just fucking with him. "So, aside from the password business, I think we can all agree that tonight everybody here is an ally, right?"

The Midnight Crew and The Felt members stared at him. Droog lit another smoke, "Kid, there really isn't a need to play high school counselor with us. We won't crack each other's skulls tonight. Not when we both got stakes in the same game and on the same guys. You sure you can handle talkin all of us into followin an organized plan, though? You're kind of young."

"Yeah, no worries. I get it. I'm a young guy and that's threatening to you old folk."

"AND YOU'RE ALSO FUCKING MY SON!" Slick finally lost his composure, slamming his fists on the table.

Dave sagely nodded and crossed his arms, remaining collected. "This is also true. I guess someone must have informed you what the lube I was buyin was actually meant for, huh? Dude we've been goin out and living together for months now. How did you think we weren't sleeping together? And at this point, why does it even matter?"

Slick sat back and pouted, grumbling to himself. Dave actually thought it was almost endearing for a split second. Now he saw where Karkat got that adorable while angry thing from. Crowbar cleared his throat, "Don't mind it too much. He's just being overprotective." Boxcars cracked his knuckles again. Dave had apparently not fallen out of his line of sight since he sat down. "All of them are. The kid's important to us too and so is our little girl. We want to see them both safe and happy and that's why we're here and ready to follow your instructions."

Dave ogled him, impressed. "You sure you don't want to do the talking tonight?"

"Have some confidence, kid. If anyone's gonna be able to get us goons working together right, it's probably gotta be the guy Karkat chose."

Dave smiled at him. "Thanks." He exhaled deeply and got up on the table, startling the men at the table. "Hey, ya'll should probably be payin attention now, else when shit goes down your roast is gonna be toast," Dave addressed the room. Almost all eyes turned in his direction. Jake looked nervous for him, Slick looked like he wanted to dump his corpse into a landfill, and Dirk was the only asshole in the room pointedly ignoring him. "Dirk, stop missing Texas for five shitshooting seconds and listen to me. This is important." Dave watched Jake punch Dirk in the arm before he reluctantly turned his head to look at him. "I got everyone's attention? Alright. Cool. So, here's the plan. We're splitting up our raid into a few different teams. I want Felt members to be a part of the team moving in, because you guys have intel on how everything is set up inside. I'll split you up so you can each act as a guide to your designated team. The teams are set up as so: Group one will be Dirk, Jake, Crowbar, and I. Group two is Slick, Droog, and Itchy. Group three is gonna be Jade, Boxcars, and Doze. Group four is Roxy and Clover. Deuce, I got a special job for you, buddy. Talk with you about it after the rally, okay?"

Deuce clapped his hands excitedly.

"Why is group four so unbalanced?" Dirk called out, obviously trying to be a little shit and poke holes through his plan.

Dave smirked back. "They have a special mission, separate from groups one through three. All of us will be aiming for a hit on Lord English, but group four's main job is to find and rescue Calliope. That is their first objective. If they can retrieve her and guide her safely away from the fracas, then I want them at the ready for immediate back-up requests. Understood?"

Roxy gave him a thumbs-up.

"Sweet. And if we have time, I want a team to locate a very specific room in the mansion. Any of you guys seen a pool hall on the first floor? Relatively untouched?"

"That would be young master Caliborn's private study," Crowbar answered him.

"Yeah, well, apparently he's usin the table to keep track of you guys. If anyone stumbles upon it, I want you to radio out where each ball is located on the felt. If any of them are closer to Crowbar's side of the table, then I want you to try and talk those numbers down before you engage. You might be able to sway them. Every group has a working walkie. Ya'll brought your batteries, right?"

Everyone murmured a 'yes' in one form or another.

"Good. This isn't amateur hour, people. Everything has to be perfect beforehand so we aren't fumbling and makin fools of ourselves during this shindig. Ya'll are beautiful gears and cogs in this wonderfully handcrafted clock and, shit. Fuck it. I'm not one for this poetic bullshit. I'll stick to bein blunt. Some of you may die tonight. That is a real possibility and I'm sorry I'm putting you in danger but also it's your own decision to be here so… thanks," There was an awkward silence as Dave's voice petered off. He threw up peace signs, "Vote for Pedro."

Aunt Roxy guffawed but Dave caught Dirk groaning and rolling his head back, exasperatedly. He stepped down off of the table. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He swiped his finger across the screen and put it to his ear. "What's up, sis?"

Rose sounded perturbed, "Dave? We're still up and waiting. Weren't you supposed to drop Karkat off today?"

Dave felt a wave of nausea wash over him. "I did. He isn't with you? Why didn't you call earlier?"

"I thought you might have changed your mind about wanting him to be a part of the raid. Maybe even have told him to stick to you in case things got hairy? I called now because… Kanaya just came home and found a small tote of his belongings outside our building. Dave? Are you still there? Dave?"

Dave hung up and ran to the door. A hand grabbed his shirt collar and jerked him back. Arms locked around his, holding him in place. Dirk whispered into his ear, "Easy, bro. Easy. Rosie and Kan just informed me of the situation. I know you're upset but-"

"But what?" Dave jerked out of his grip and yelled at this brother. He felt the eyes of the other raiders staring at him. "They have him, Dirk!"

Dirk reached out a hand. "You need to be level-headed about this, Dave. Stick to your plan. It's sound and it can still work. Most likely, Karkat is being held in the same place as Calliope. It'll be okay. But you have to stay rational."

Dave took a deep breath.

Dirk raised an eyebrow. "Feel better?"

He exhaled slowly. "How is it that even if you aren't the person at fault, I still want to kick your ass right now?"

Dirk gave him an honest to God genuine smile. "I'm just that kind of guy."

"Yeah, you have a real knack for pissing people off. Okay, I'm calm. Okay. Jesus. Maybe I should join group four?"

"Don't be the one to fuck up your own plan, asshole. Leave your man to Roxy. Put some trust in your family, okay? We won't let anything happen to him."

Dave gave him a sheepish smile. "Thanks, bro."


	17. The Raid

The room shuddered and a loud booming noise echoed through the walls. Dust flittered to the floor. Karkat covered his eyes to prevent any particles from dousing them. "What the hell was that?"

Calliope appeared undisturbed. "Probably my brother going off on one of his tirades again. He can be quite a brute. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to take whatever has befouled his mood out on us."

A thumping sound followed the echoes. It grew louder, resonating, heavy footsteps on old wooden stairs. Someone was coming down the steps. Quite possibly coming for them. Karkat looked around the room for something to weaponize himself with. He stood up and walked over to an unoccupied chair on the other side of the room. He picked it up and turned to Calliope. "Sorry." He smashed the offending object on the wall until a leg broke loose.

Calliope stared at him amazed. "That was my brother's so… no harm done? There's no need to apologize."

The footsteps stopped just outside the room. Karkat braced himself against the wall, adjacent to the door, the piece of furniture clutched in his hands. It was flung open and he swung blindly, bringing the leg down on a colorful hat. Red. Number three. Trace.

Trace stumbled back out the door, a hand flying to his head. Fin pushed him out of the way to get through the doorway and, upon seeing Karkat armed, started backtracking. An enraged Cans pulled both of the floundering men out of the way and entered the room with much more ease. Karkat swung the leg his way. It crashed into the giant's side and the vibrations that it sent back up the piece of wood almost made Karkat drop the make-shift club.

Cans yanked it violently from his hands and held it above his head. Through the sound of blood pumping through his ears, Karkat could barely hear Calliope scream for him to stop. Cans was about to swing down when both Fin and Trace grabbed both of his arms. "The Lord wants them to be unharmed!"

"Stick to the plan, big guy!"

Cans gave a primitive growl and threw the chair leg across the room. He swooped down and picked up Karkat, throwing him over his shoulder. "Let go!" Karkat struggled, trying to worm his way out of Cans' grip and pounding on his back. The behemoth of a man was undeterred. He watched as Trace and Fin came close to Calliope and led her to her feet. They each held one of her hands as they exited the room. Cans followed them out, Karkat in tow. "What the shit is going on?"

"Intruders. We're takin you lot somewhere safer and more secluded," Fin answered.

Trace took out a handkerchief and wiped away the blood spilling from his forehead. Karkat felt a little bit of satisfaction well up. "Only an idiot would think they could raid The Felt mansion."

"That's _my_ idiot," Karkat proudly and lovingly spoke up.

Calliope kept quiet but she looked apprehensive.

"Don't worry, Calliope. Dave's just here to kick ass and pick us up."

She gave him a reassuring smile but her brow was still furrowed in worry.

Dave observed the quiet manor. The night sky was gray and cloudy. Perfect cover to pull some ninja shit. He waved at Deuce. The little guy traipsed over to the door. He set down a basket and rang the doorbell before fleeing to a nearby shrub. A very unsuspecting Biscuits answered. Dave watched through binoculars as he picked it up and rifled through it. He pulled out the only item inside. His eyes widened and he tossed the grenade up into the air. It detonated and He flung himself back inside the mansion.

"Now!" Group one and two sprung forward.

Itchy stopped his group near the entrance, instructing them to push over a few grandfather clocks. Slick and Droog did as they were told. "They're gonna come through the hall and we'll need cover for the incoming fire."

Dave, Dirk, Jake, and Crowbar stooped down behind the growing pile of clocks as Matchsticks and Sawbuck entered the way Itchy had said they would. Upon seeing the blockade, Matchsticks pulled Sawbuck back behind a clock of their own. Biscuits crawled over to join them. Matchsticks heaved a machine gun over and aimed it in their direction. Bullets flew overhead. Dave pressed himself as far down to the floor behind the clocks as was possible. Group one and two continued to remain in their positions. Dave gave Slick a nod and Slick pulled out a pistol. He peeked over the edge and returned fire. Droog joined in. Itchy followed. The barrage died down some and Dave found he could move a bit more freely now that group two was covering their backs.

He waved in group three. Jade, Boxcars, and Doze entered the house. "Group one is gonna go right. Jade take your guys left."

"Right leads to the ballroom and pool hall and left leads to the dining hall and parlor room. Past these goons is the upstairs. We can probably just follow a path through the rooms around them and get to the stairs still. Caliborn's room is located upstairs," Crowbar gave input.

Dave nodded. "Alright. Cool. We got something to aim for. We'll meet at the stairs. Slick, you got us covered for when we move?"

Slick, rather than responding, took out a set of very fancy and very sharp knives. He let out a battle cry and threw them in the direction of the opposing force. They sunk into the wood of the clocks with solid "thunk"s.

"Swell. Okay, guys. Break… now!"

Group one leapt over the clocks and through an archway. Dave waited on the other side as he ushered his team into the ballroom. He made it a point to make sure Jade did the same for her crew on the other side of the foyer. Jade caught his eye and waved as she disappeared into the next room. Dave picked up his walkie. "Yo, Rox. Come in, Rox."

"Roxy reporting, sir!" A staticy message came through.

"Group one and three are in. Group two has the front secured for passage. Feel free to enter. Group one and three are gonna secure the rest of the building and make a path for you guys, do you copy?"

"I am an original bitch. I don't copy shit. All these sick moves are my own."

"Work it, girl."

Dirk huffed and took the walkie from him. "If you're done being incompetent," He pressed the button, "Roxy, you are clear to enter. Please do so."

"Roger, captain buzzkill."

Dirk threw the walkie back to Dave. Dave caught it and hooked it to his hip. "Unnecessary attitude but whatever. Okay. Let's start moving. Crowbar, you wanna take the lead?"

Crowbar nodded and led group one across the open room. It was large and gaudy, a fountain occupying the far side. Dave kept his katana unsheathed. Jake's fingers were poised on the triggers of his twin pistols. Dirk looked somber, like he'd rather be anywhere else, but kept a hand rested on the handle of his blade just in case he needed to draw it quick. They reached the other side of the room, Crowbar pulling open a door. They filed into the new room and Dave took in a pool table in pristine condition. He flicked his walkie on again. "We've found the pool table. I'm going to be listing numbers now. On the lordling's side, we've got the cue ball, three, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen. Scattered throughout the middle in order from lord's side to ours we've got five, six, and nine. Everybody got that?"

"Roger!" Jade's voice came through.

"Gotcha!" Roxy's hollered.

"How close are the one and seven ball on the table?" Itchy's voice questioned.

Crowbar swiped the walkie from his hands, his cheeks tinted a light shade of red. "Unimportant. Please pay attention to the current situation and try not to die." He flicked the walkie off and handed it back to Dave. The group stared at him. "What?"

"So, you get confessed to right before this or what?" Dave probed, interested in Crowbar's sudden acknowledgement of Itchy's flirting.

"This is not the time to be discussing issues of the heart."

"Okay, but just so we're clear… you just categorized this matter as an issue of the heart. That's carrying some heavy implications that something is-"

Crowbar groaned. "Itchy just likes to get on my nerves."

"Yeah, okay. You can tell yourself that all you want, but the guy is desperate for your attention. At least, since I've known him, and, man, it hasn't even been that long, I can tell he's being blaringly obvious with his flirtations."

Jake scratched at his head with the barrel of his gun, uncomfortable. Dirk pinched the bridge of his nose. "We are on a very deadly mission where we could all very well die. Can we please not do this now?"

They began to move again, exiting the pool hall and entering a long corridor. "Are you kidding, bro? Deadly situations are like the best settings for romantic drama to unfold. It's like the tropiest, cornball, poetic, carpe diem horseshit out there. The possibility that someone might die?! Oh shit, better confess right the fuck now! Or like, what about proving your love through actions instead? That 'I would die for you' kind of moment. Jesus. This is so great. Now we have to make this thing happen. Crowbar, how would you feel about maybe taking a bullet for Itchy? Like, ironically."

"And the actual pain that comes with an actual bullet wound would also be ironic, right?"

Dave answered without missing a beat, "Yes."

"No thank you, David."

"But how will he ever know that you-," A hand covered his mouth. Dirk glared at him, a silent request for quiet.

"We're approaching the stairs leading upward," Crowbar murmured low to his ear.

"Someone's in the room next to the stairway," Dirk stated.

Dave cupped his hands and called out, "Who goes there?" Dirk smacked the back of his head for being careless. "Ow."

"Dave?" Jade's voice answered him.

"Yeah, it's me." He walked to the steps and paused at the landing. Jade, Boxcars, Doze, and Die paraded out of the room to join him. "You're new."

Die bobbed his hat down in greeting. Jade smiled. "We found him hiding under the dining room table. He's decided to help us."

"Wise choice."

Jade stared up at the steps. "Now what?"

"We go up and break apart again to seek and destroy. The path is clear for Roxy to come through down here."

Jade smacked him on the back. "Then up we go!"

The Felt guys climbed the steps slowly. Trace paused every once in a while to catch his breath. "Feeling lightheaded?" Karkat asked him, patronizingly.

Trace grumbled, "Fuck you."

Fin opened the door and light finally filtered into the cramped space. They entered into a long hallway. "I think he can walk by himself now, Cans," Fin suggested, "Carrying him like that is kind of undignified."

"I say keep carrying him like a sack of potatoes," Trace was adamant.

"Or you could just drop him." A feminine voice suggested. The men turned and stood stock still. Roxy and Clover stood a few feet away, Roxy with her rifle aimed at Cans' head and Clover with revolvers, one in each hand, poised to shoot at both Fin and Trace.

Fin threw his hands up. "Oh for the love of Christ! This is such bullshit. I didn't sign up for this. I'm out. I quit. Total surrender!"

Trace remained passive. He took out a magnum and without much thought or hesitation fired at the panicking man. Fin hit the ground, blood pooling around his head. Trace pointed the gun at a stunned Roxy. "I've had enough pussyfooting around." Calliope's gaze remained glued to Fin and Karkat watched as the blood continued to make its way over to where she was standing.

Oh God. Oh God. This was _really_ happening. There was an actual dead man on the floor beneath him. Images started flashing behind his eyes. His dad holding a smoking gun. His mom with a bullet hole dug right through her chest. Blood spilling and spreading out before him. And then Jade. Jade aiming her gun with conviction. Jade at the shooting range telling him to protect those he loved. Snapping back to his present situation and acting on impulse, he sunk his teeth into Cans' shoulder, breaking skin. Cans screamed, his grip on him tightening and then falling away as he was flung hard to the ground. The air left his chest and he stayed there, momentarily winded. The focus of Trace's magnum fell off of Roxy as Cans flailed.

In that moment, Roxy fired and landed a hit on Trace's right shoulder. His arm fell down uselessly by his side, along with his gun. Clover let loose next, a bullet sinking into the dead center of Cans' forehead. He fell forward with such force that his girth shook the surrounding walls.

Trace switched his gun over to his left hand and brought it up, ready to fire. Karkat kicked out at his legs and knocked him off his feet. He landed backwards, on his ass. Roxy sprinted forward, quickly kicking the gun out of Trace's hands and aiming the rifle at his head. She gave Fin a glance, as if she were reassuring herself of something. She turned back to him, a dangerous glint in her eye. "You're a very bad man." She fired and Trace sunk back to the floor.

Karkat tried to keep his breathing steady. Clover walked over and helped get him on his feet. Roxy put her gun down and lowered herself to sit on the back of her heals in front of Calliope. In the scuffle, she must have ducked down behind Cans.

"Are you the pretty Miss Calliope?" Roxy's gentle voice asked her.

She looked up, stunned and scared. "I'm not-," She stopped herself, "I'm… Calliope."

"I'm here to steal you away then, princess." She winked at her. "Let's bust you outta here, Callie." Calliope took Roxy's outstretched hand, her mouth open slightly in wonderment.


	18. Shots Fired

A bullet whizzed past Karkat's head and imbedded itself in a large clock. Roxy pushed both him and Calliope onto the first few steps leading up. Clover ducked in behind them and peeked out from the side, guns at the ready. Clover called out to Roxy, "It's Biscuits and Eggs. Eggs is coming from the kitchen. Biscuits must have decided to retreat from the foyer."

"Biscuits and Eggs? That's my hangover-at-breakfast cure, love! But, I don't really care what their names are or where they're comin from. Mostly, I'm a little distressed about where they're goin." She fired her rifle at them and Karkat watched from the bottom of the staircase as Eggs dodged and hastily leapt for cover behind more of those blasted bulky clocks. What the fuck was with this place and clocks? "Speakin of goin," She pushed Karkat's head back into cover, "We better get a move on ourselves."

They raced up the steps, Clover in the front, and Roxy at the back, her rifle aimed fixedly at the bottom of the stairs. "Weren't we supposed to take the kidnappees out the front?" Clover called over his shoulder.

"Supposed to. But we haven't received the call yet sayin the path is clear and I deemed it kind of stupid to run down a long hallway knowin the only thing to use as cover from stray bullets is a bunch of fancy-shmancy hickory dickeries."

They passed a second floor and continued moving up the staircase. "We haven't got a word about the second floor yet so I'm a bit hesitant to go that way. Young master Caliborn is most likely hiding out there. And Dave and Jade's groups haven't radioed in the all clear yet."

"Then up we go!" After reaching the top landing, Roxy handed her gun to Calliope. "Hold this for me, sweetie?" Calliope stared at it reluctantly.

Roxy pulled a cumbersome clock from its place and maneuvered it to the front of the steps. She waited a half second before both Eggs and Biscuits came huffing up one after the other onto the first few steps leading from the second floor landing to the third. She kicked the front of the clock, pushing it down the steps. It chimed loudly, echoing through the narrow space as it came down on the unsuspecting men. Karkat watched as the hulking mass landed on them. They stayed beneath it, quiet and still. Karkat felt panic rising again. Did he just watch someone else die? A pained moan let him know that at least one of The Felt guys was okay.

Roxy took her gun back from Calliope. "Thanks." She smiled at her sweetly.

Calliope's eyes drifted to the floor and she mumbled a, "You're very welcome," her cheeks reddening as she spoke.

"There's no third floor up here. Only the roof. We can probably just camp out until everything dies down," Clover stated, turning the knob.

The roof was quiet. Karkat stared up at the sky. It was dark and foreboding, the clouds threatening rain. A loud bout of thunder rolled overhead, as if confirming the notion.

The sound of metal scraping along metal caught their attention. Two green suits strolled out from behind the roof of another part of the mansion. They stood across from them. One, a green and white hat with a fourteen etched into it. The other, red and white, fifteen. "Cans and Quarters," Karkat mumbled under his breath.

"Nice to see you and my sister getting along, Mr. Vantas." Caliborn stepped out from behind Cans, a smug look plastered onto his face. "It's a shame you insist on using that newfound comradery for being a pain in my ass. Why don't you just give up and obey?"

"Never." Karkat opened his mouth to answer but found that the word was not his own. Calliope stood, back straight and fists clenched, her eyes lit up with righteous indignation. She was an immovable force about to weather a storm.

Caliborn growled primitively, "Fine! You don't want to submit? I should have known this marriage shit wouldn't have worked out. But Doc Scratch said my original plan was too undignified. Fucking bullshit! I'll just do what I planned to do from the start!" He nodded in their direction. "Kill them."

Quarters lifted his minigun off the ground. In an instant, Roxy's left hand reached out and pushed Karkat behind a chimney. He landed on his side, turning over just in time to see Roxy diving stealthily to the right, behind an air-conditioning unit, pulling with her Clover and Calliope. Her walkie clip snapped and Karkat watched in horror as it left her side and slid across the roof, falling three stories to the ground below.

Quarter's minigun fired in rapid succession, pumping the door they had come through full of lead.

Karkat ran a hand through his hair as he watched Roxy signal him to stay down. His breathing picked up. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? He was-

The gun.

He still had Jade's gun.

Moving quickly, he stuck his hand down his pants, trying to ignore Roxy's concerned and bewildered expression. He pulled the damned thing out from its thigh holster. It was weird The Felt didn't take the gun off of him. He guessed they probably didn't expect him to be packing anything.

Especially not _there_.

He held the gun as Jade had instructed him to and waited for Quarters to come closer. Roxy was waving at him to get his attention. In his heightened state of anxiety, he gave her a cursory glance. She pointed to her gun.

He had no idea what she was trying to tell him.

Roxy rolled her eyes and shot up into the sky.

Quarters' attention shifted and he changed the aim of his mini to land on the air-conditioning unit.

 _Oh._

With Quarters' attention off of him, Karkat lined up the shot and fired. He went down, blood pooling up from a cavity in his chest. Perfect shot to the heart. Calibron released a frustrated shriek. "I have to do everything myself! You, muscle for brains. Get the girls and the small elf man. I'll deal with Mr. Vantas."

Cans rushed for the air-conditioning unit with little warning. He leapt over the thing in one bound. Roxy brought up her rifle and managed to hold him back with it, being unable to shoot. In a rather unpleasant turn of events, the rifle flew out of both of their hands and fell off the roof. She was going to have to fight hand-to-hand.

Karkat stood up, ready to use the gun once more. A few stray bullets crossed into his line of vision. He turned to see Caliborn making his way towards him, a gold gilded assault rifle in his hands. "Don't fret over them. They're just silly girls." He smiled. "Your opponent is me."

Dave flicked on his radio. "Yo, this is Dave. Just secured the right wing of the second floor. No run-ins with any baddies here. How ya'll doin in the left wing?"

Jade answered him, "Well… there weren't any problems. It's mostly secure over here."

Dirk raised an eyebrow at him, prompting Dave to get clarification, "What does that mean, Harley?"

There was dead radio silence before her voice came through again, "We found a body."

Dave sighed, "What's the number on his hat?"

"He isn't wearing a hat."

"Well, then who the fuck is he? He's not Caliborn is he?"

"No. It's an old man. He has a gun in his hand… Looks like he shot himself."

Crowbar piped up, "Sounds like they found the Doc. Doesn't really seem like something he'd do though."

"Really? I thought contemplating suicide was on everybody's hobby list," Dave couldn't help but be sarcastic. He needed some form of humor to counter the nausea he was feeling.

Dirk punched him in the arm. "Not funny. Keep moving." He walked past him, no doubt readying to lead them to the second floor landing.

"If English isn't on the second floor, would he have cornered himself on the third?"

"All that's up there is the roof. Definitely a possibility though. Might also be a possibility of him not being here at all," Crowbar said.

As they approached, a stumbling figure came out from the staircase. All of them stopped in their tracks. Crowbar raised his machine gun. "Who goes there?"

The person in question said nothing, only raising a gun of his own. They were aiming it. Crowbar fired off a little less than a round. The guy fell back, dead.

Crowbar jogged up to the corpse. "Eggs." He looked awful. Aside from the now numerous bullet holes littering his torso, his leg was bent at a strange angle and bleeding heavily.

"It that… Is his _bone_ sticking out?" Dave covered his mouth and turned away, ready to vomit.

Jake pushed past them. "Where?"

Dirk smirked at Dave. "He gets really excited about skeletons."

"I don't need to know what goes down in your bedroom, thank you very much."

Jake went beat red. "Not like that!"

"It's a joke, man. Just easing the tension of the situation." Dave carefully stepped over Eggs' body, trying not to look too grossed out. "Let's get going."

At the bottom of the third floor staircase, they stopped once more. "By Jove! Another one of those coffin-stuffers!"

Dave examined the dead guy. "Yup. Dead. Cause of death, you may ask? Well, it looks like someone clocked him one in the noggin."

Dirk groaned, "Please stop. I'm beginning to remember why I never wanted to take you out on jobs."

"I never went out on jobs because I didn't like going on them."

"Yeah. I mean, it's obvious this sort of thing upsets you, but…" Dirk paused, staring blankly up at the stairs.

"But what?"

"Someone dropped the clock."

Dave's eyes widened as realization struck him. Which one of their groups deviated from the plan? Who was on the roof? How long had it been since he checked in with Roxy? He whipped out his walkie, "Roxy? Do you read me? Come in, Roxy? Where are you?"

The walkie remained silent.

Dave threw it down. "Fuck!"

Dirk picked it up and hooked it to his belt. "Let's go." Dave was already sprinting up the steps ahead of him when he heard shots ringing out from above.


	19. Always Go Out With A Bang

Rain started to fall heavy from above. Gray clouds blackened. Karkat slipped on the slickened floor underneath his feet as he sprinted out from behind the chimney and stooped behind a heightened structure of roof, adorning the other side of the mansion.

He peered over the precipice and watched Roxy holding her fists up, duking it out with Cans on the other side of the roof, Calliope sitting behind her, a few feet off. A bullet ricocheted off of some shingles nearby his head and he fell flat against the ground. "Mr. Vantas, come out and face me like a man. I want to take you down while we're fighting. People that don't put up a fight aren't much fun. The Doc certainly wasn't much of a challenge."

A shiver ran through Karkat. He didn't know if it was Caliborn's words that chilled him or the cold rain. It wet and pressed his hair to his head. He pushed it to the side and out of his eyes. Gripping his gun tightly, he started to move along the jutting out piece of roof, using it as a wall between him and the Lordling. Bullet after bullet went whizzing overhead, shingles snapping into the air and falling around him. He continued to move.

"Come on, Karkat. I want to play a game."

Karkat felt his stomach flip. "You're fucking sick!"

Caliborn laughed wholeheartedly, "Come on, Kat. Come out and play."

"Kat?" That was Dave's nickname for him. " _Kat?!_ " No one but Dave was _ever_ allowed to call him that. "Don't you _dare_ dirty that word with your putrid mouth!" He stood up and aimed the gun, firing off two shots. Caliborn ducked behind the chimney Karkat had previously vacated, giddily guffawing. Chunks of brick broke away but the damned thing remained protecting its master.

"What? You don't like being called Kat? Not one for pet names?"

"Shut up!" Karkat screamed at him.

Caliborn rolled out from his shelter and fired again. Karkat huddled down and waited until the barrage was over. "Does that glasses wearing fucktruck call you like that? Does he know you don't like it? It's making you quite upset. Does he call you that in bed?"

Karkat grit his teeth. He was getting in his head, messing it up, worming in lies and barbs. It was a wonder Calliope had put up with it for so long. If Karkat had been the one in her position he would have- "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"How can he like you when you aren't even a woman? Nothing sexually stimulating. I bet he's disgusted by your body. How can it be an ideal situation for him when he is without a topnotch bitch? Are you sure he isn't just feigning his love for you?"

His insecurities. His doubts. So easily spotted and flung back at him, loudly and for all the world to see.

"Karkat! He's a liar! Don't listen to him!" A voice called to him and he blinked out of the awful daze he had fallen in.

Calliope stood, her fists clenched by her sides. She had never talked back to her brother before. Not like this. "I know very well how much Dave loves you! I've drawn it a million times. I've adorned my walls with that one moment. The look he gave you at the Christmas party… I've never once forgotten it. It made such an impact on me."

Caliborn whipped around and aimed his gun at her. "Stop talking, you flighty broad!"

"That was the moment that made me want to keep fighting. When I saw that something like that could exist. Something powerful enough to even rebel against my brother's wishes. I desperately coveted that look. I wanted someone to give it to _me_. Or at least be as strong as that something. To match it."

He quickly approached her, snarling as he ran.

"I am not afraid of him. He is a bully and can only bring himself up by putting others down."

He stood in front of her, yelling in her face, "I said stop talking!"

Her eyes didn't leave his. She smiled sweetly at him. "No."

The butt of the gun swung down on her in an instant. She fell to the ground, a murky haze blurring her vision. Someone was screaming. A warm wetness coated her forehead. She felt her heavy eyes fall shut, before the world was silent.

"No!" Karkat leapt from his hiding spot and tried to get close to Calliope, staring fixedly at where her body lay motionless.

Caliborn whipped around, unfazed by his sister's present condition and Karkat's war cry. He held up his gun and Karkat just managed to roll and land behind the safety of the chimney again before Caliborn let out another round of bullets.

"She won't marry. She speaks out. So what if she got hit? So what if she _dies_? She deserves it! She's ruining my plans-!"

A loud thump punctuated Caliborn's tirade. The door to the staircase leading to the second floor was flung open, slammed back against the wall. Dave stood, sword in hand, panting as he looked around the roof wildly. What kind of idiot brought a sword to a gun fight?

Oh, right.

 _His_ idiot.

Upon emerging from behind Dave and seeing Caliborn armed, Dirk quickly pushed back Jake and Crowbar down the steps once more.

"Dave?" Karkat couldn't help but pipe up and watched as Dave diverted his gaze from Caliborn and focused in on him. He smiled, lighting up his entire face with joyous reprieve. His expression said it all. _Karkat was safe. Karkat was alive. Karkat was here!_

Overwhelming relief was suddenly replaced with upending horror as Karkat watched Caliborn direct his gun at Dave's fixed form. Without a second thought, he leapt from the safety of the chimney and rammed himself into Dave's body.

The sound of gunshots pierced through the clattering noise of insistent rain upon the roof tiles. A searing heat coursed through him as Dave and he fell to the floor. He was shaking as pain gripped him, or maybe that was just Dave, his hands gripping much too tight on his arms. His hearing was foggy and he scrutinized Dave's lips moving but no words seemed to come out.

Slowly, his hearing returned. The pain concentrated to his shoulder and he called out, "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! _Shit_!" He brought his hand up to touch his shoulder and it came back red with blood. It was just his shoulder. It had only grazed him. And, more importantly, Dave was safe.

"Karkat! Karkat! What the fresh fuck do you think you're doing? Karkat! Goddamn it! Answer me!" Dave's voice came out strained.

"Uh," Karkat gave his unintelligent reply. He surveyed the area over Dave's shoulder and Caliborn appeared in his line of vision once more, gun at the ready. "Fuck!" He couldn't do anything in his current position. He just managed to tug Dave close and shut his eyes.

A shot rang out, followed by a solid and resounding thud.

Karkat peeked open one eye and then another, feeling significantly less riddled with bullets than he had expected. He looked to where Caliborn once stood. His body was laid out on the floor, blood spreading out around his head and mixing with the rain. Karkat smelled smoke and looked up. Calliope stood over them, holding a hand to her head, Karkat's gun in the other. He hadn't even realized he'd dropped it in his panic to save Dave.

Her outstretched arm flopped down and she sunk to her knees, exhaustion seeming to hit her all at once. Roxy was over in an instant, dropping down and taking the gun from her hands. She whipped around and fired on an approaching Cans. Her face was bruised, a bluish-black marring her face. For some reason, Karkat thought the color brought out her eyes. Probably stung like a bitch though. Cans teetered and fell from the roof, cascading to the ground below.

Roxy wasted no time, throwing the gun after him and coming over to lend Calliope a hand. She helped her to her feet, pulling the spent girl over her back, carry her piggy back style. "Dave, we need to get out of here _now_."

Dave immediately followed her instructions, standing and scooping up Karkat to hold in his arms. Karkat squirmed. "What are you-?"

"Do not talk right now," The words were harsh and threatening. Karkat closed his mouth, watching Dave's face and trying to gauge what he was feeling. There was nothing. His mouth was a straight line. Unreadable and expressionless behind shades too dark to even see the outline of his eyes. He clutched at the front of his shirt, and allowed himself to be carried.

They went steadily and briskly down the stairs. Jade and a few others were waiting at the bottom steps. She took one look at Dave's face and flinched, shooting Karkat a sympathetic look before turning and motioning for everyone to follow. Karkat's father and the rest of the invading force were at the front door. Karkat gave his father a small wave. Slick nodded back. Karkat looked for somewhere else to stare to avoid any more awkwardness. His eyes traved the floor. More Felt torsos littered the foyer. Karkat caught sight of a blade sticking out from someone's head. He kept his face turned into Dave's chest as they exited the rest of the house.

Outside, Dave carefully dropped him to his feet. Without stopping to even look at him, he took one of Karkat's hands and pulled him along. He walked up to Deuce. "You're up," He delivered the line curtly.

Deuce nodded gleefully and pulled a detonator from his pocket. He pressed a few buttons and the grounds around the mansion lit up. Pieces of earth, fire, and smoke flew up into the air. A loud booming echoed into the night, assuredly pulling everyone in the neighborhood out of slumber. "Always go out with a bang!" Deuce winked at him.

Dave started walking again, this time up to Jade. "That should be signal enough for the cops. They should be arriving on the seen just as we're getting out of here. I called Terezi before this. She should be droppin them the tip. You get a call back from her yet?"

Jade saluted him. "Yessir! Terezi just called and said she has notified the police that she hear explosives being set off at the old Felt place. We are clear to go."

Dave nodded his affirmation. "Alright everybody. Job well done. The mission was a success. Regroup. Find your carpool partners and go home. Roxy, you takin Calliope to the hospital?"

Roxy still had Calliope resting on her back. Her eyes were closed but Karkat could see her frame rising and falling with small subtle breaths. "Yeah. The Felt guys are also hitchin a ride. Gotta make sure their new Master is alright. Right boys?"

Crowbar and what was left of The Felt murmured variations of their approval.

"Cool. It's been nice workin with you guys," Dave addressed the crowd, "But I've got other stuff to do now so everyone is officially dismissed. Thanks and have a swell night." He waved them off and turned around pulling Karkat in tow. Karkat watched as the crew disbanded, hesitantly following Dave's hastily given instructions.

"Dave, shouldn't you-"

Dave's words cut through his own like a knife, "Karkat, I'm still not up for talking right now. Just wait for us to get home."

Karkat stumbled behind him, confusion muddling his relief. Dave was alive. Caliborn was no longer a threat. Everything should be fine now… right?


	20. Feels Like Home

Dave pulled Karkat through the apartment door, slamming it once they were both on the other side. They passed their battered living room. Karkat was not looking forward to cleaning it all up. Dave tugged him to the bathroom, too forceful and rushed. "Hey! Hey! Ow! You're gonna rip my arm off!"

Karkat's hand slipped out of Dave's. Dave bent down and fished around the cabinet under the sink. He placed a roll of bandages on the counter.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

He placed a large white medical kit next to the bandages.

Karkat flinched as it smacked down. "Dave?"

"I can't talk right now."

Karkat furrowed his brows. "What?"

He stood up. "I can't-" Dave's voice hitched, cutting himself off. He cleared his throat, covering his mouth with his hand.

Karkat reached up and slipped off Dave's shades. It was always a bit amazing how much emotion Dave managed to hide with his aviators, which was already saying something since he was a pretty expressive guy to begin with. His eyes were probably the biggest tell that Dave was more than a little upset. They were pained, his eyebrows knitted together with worry and fear. His eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheeks, tinted a bit red with anger or frustration, maybe both. He bit into his bottom lip, a habit Karkat associated with events that usually took place in the bedroom more often than anything too serious.

But then again, maybe Dave was always kind of serious when it came to him.

Karkat set the sunglasses on the counter. "You don't have to talk now. You can just play the part of the stoic cool guy and treat my wound. It's fine."

Dave laughed, but it came out dry and ended in a sob. He sunk down and sat on top of the toilet. He pulled Karkat close and rested his face in his shirtfront, wrapping his arms around his back. Karkat set his hands down on Dave's shoulders, unsure of what to do. This was unprecedented. Dave didn't really cry. Seeing Dave cry was like seeing his father cry. It just didn't happen. "Shh. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm here."

Dave muffled something into Karkat's belly.

"I can't hear you."

Dave shifted so that he was facing the floor, his head down and his mouth free, "I know, I'm supposed to be chill and help you dress your wound. Like, that is priority number one right now, and I kind of hate myself that I'm not able to keep it together enough to do that."

"Dave it's not that deep. Tis a flesh wound."

Dave blew out air through his nose. "That's not funny."

"Then why did you laugh?" Karkat wove his fingers into Dave's hair, rubbing at the scalp. Dave sighed. Karkat could feel the tension leaving his rigid body. Dave straightened up, pulling Karkat to stand in between his legs. He made his face as pokerfaced as possible. There were still some wet patches underneath his eyes. "I didn't laugh."

Karkat snorted at the dreadful attempt at impassiveness and watched with mounting euphoria as Dave's face broke out into a sheepish grin. Karkat pinched his cheeks and started pushing the skin on his face around. "Geez, Dave. Can't you maybe be a bit more expressionless? I mean, take a few tips from Kristin Stuart's interpretation of Bella Swan from that god-awful Twilight series. Like, what's with all this emotional depth I'm seeing? So ridiculous! Quick, hide it before someone figures out that you're human!"

"Alright! Alright!" Dave's face was getting pretty red. Whether it was from the rubbing or out of embarrassment Karkat didn't know, but if he had to guess he'd say the latter. Dave reached up and took Karkat's hands in his. He looked them over. "You fired a gun today. How'd that feel?"  
Karkat shrugged. His smile disappearing, "I also killed someone today. Guess how that felt."

"I don't have to." He kissed Karkat's knuckles. The feeling sent a tingling sensations shooting up Karkat's arms and down his spine. "If you ever want to talk about it-"

"Maybe later. Right now," Karkat turned around and picked up the med kit and the roll of bandages. "My shoulder kind of hurts from you looking at it like that."

Dave snorted. "Shirt off."

"Come on. That's not your best. I've heard you speak sweeter words to get me out of my clothes before." Despite the taunt, Karkat pulled the shirt over his head.

Dave patted away excess blood with a cloth and applied some hydrogen peroxide. Karkat winced. "This coming from the guy that was so desperate he wanted me to ravish him in the alley behind our apartment building… Doesn't look like it'll need stitches." He gestured for Karkat to hold down gauze on the wound while he started to wrap it into place with the bandages.

"I was not desperate! I was caught up in the moment! It was passion!" Karkat declared, indignant.

Dave finished the dressings and leaned back to inspect his handiwork. "We're gonna have to check that one off our bucket list at some point."

"Nope. Sorry. You lost your chance. That moment is already long gone and so are my feverish urges."

Dave raised an eyebrow. He gave a lopsided smile that just read mischief. "Are they now?"

His hand moved up Karkat's side, his thumbs, tracing the curves at the bottom of his ribs. They moved to his back, the touches getting lighter and gentler and it wasn't nearly enough. Karkat needed more. Needed to feel Dave there. Needed it to fill the void in the days he wasn't. He shivered and a small cry escaped him. Dave bent forward and gave butterfly light kisses to his midriff, working his way up. Karkat stumbled forward and found himself cradling Dave's head to his torso, fingers in his hair, urging him on.

"Sorry."

The word uprooted his train of thought. "What? Why?" Karkat wondered what Dave could possibly think he was doing wrong in this situation.

"For everything that happened to you. For the fight. For not telling you about my family background. For being unable to protect you. For you getting hurt. For keeping you in the dark and staying away from you for so long."

"None of those things are really your fault. I mean, the family one, yeah, okay, you should have told me, but those other things-"

"And also for getting you riled up like an idiot, when you really just need to rest your shoulder."

"Okay, _that_ one you had better be feeling a _tremendous_ amount of guilt for. I want that guilt trip to be so big and grandiose, you change your mind about pulling back and actually continue to- Hey! No! Wait!" Dave was leaning back again, his struggle with temptation clear on his face. Karkat groaned. "Dave! Come on. I was really in the mood. You were right. The feverish urges are back. You can even take me in the alley right now if you want."

Dave ran his hand through his hair. "I just can't win, can I?" He looked at Karkat with the most hopeless and broken expression "I just love you so goddamn much."

Karkat was hit with an overwhelming impulse to fit his lips against Dave's.

So he did.

Their lips crashed together. It was heavy and humid and Karkat used more tongue than he normally enjoyed, but he knew _Dave_ enjoyed it. He heard Dave whisper his name in between a breath, a little strained and panicked sounding. Karkat pulled back an inch and Dave pressed forward to try and close the gap again so he had to pull back another. Karkat spoke breathlessly, "If you don't take me into the other room and show me exactly how much you love me, I can't guarantee the safety of your DJing equipment when you wake up tomorrow."

Dave smirked at him. "That's only threatening if I planned on sleeping tonight."

Karkat returned the expression. "You're going to be awake? Perfect! We can keep each other company well into the night."

"You've gotten really bold and I don't know whether it's ruining or making my life."

"You can figure that out while you're fucking me." Karkat picked up Dave's hand and led him out the door. They entered the bedroom. Karkat fell back onto the bed, pulling Dave over him.

"Careful with your shoulder."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Can you just start undressing the rest of me already?" Karkat pulled at the bottom of Dave's shirt. He tugged it up and over his head. He traced his abdominals with his fingers, enjoying the familiarity of it.

"So impatient." Dave brushed his lips on his neck. He nipped just under Karkat's chin, using a hand to unbutton his jeans. Karkat helped him get them off, shimmying out of his underwear too. Dave paused, the clothes stuck at his ankles. "Um. What is that?"

Karkat stared up at him, annoyed at yet another interruption. "What kind of question is that? You've seen it before."

"No. I meant this." Dave hooked a thumb under the gun holster on Karkat's thigh. He looked pleasantly surprised and a little impressed. "Did Jade give this to you?"

Karkat flushed. "Yes. She didn't have anything else to hold the gun she gave me."

"It really draws attention to your legs. Damn… This is nice. Do you have to return it?"

"Isn't that kind of obvious?"

"I kind of want you to wear it while we-"

"Don't you dare!"

Dave laughed. "I'll buy her a new one." He pushed Karkat's leg up, inspecting how the holster looked from the back. "Yeah, okay. This is hot. I'm ready to indulge in indecent behaviors now." Dave leaned off of the bed and pulled open the drawer of the bedside dresser. He hauled out a bottle of lube. "Just lean back and relax. No overexertion on your part. Let me do all the work." He warmed the lubricant in his hands.

Karkat huffed. "That doesn't sound very fun."

Dave dipped a hand down and stroked the curve of Karkat's pelvis. "How sure are you about that?" He took Karkat's dick in his palm. He was already fairly hard. Dave started to move his hand up and down the length, occasionally rubbing his thumb over the head, spreading the precum beading at the tip. Karkat wrapped his arms around Dave's neck, his breath catching in his throat, every time Dave's movements sent little shocks of pleasure dancing through him.

"Wait. Wait!" Dave stopped his hand.

"Your shoulder?"

"No. I want to, um."

Dave raised an eyebrow imploringly.

"I want you inside me when I come."

Dave's face reddened, a goofy grin plastered onto his maw. "Can do."

Dave quickly removed his pants and boxers, tossing them to the messy floor below. He hastily lathered some of the lubricant onto his cock. His other hand made its way to Karkat's entrance. Two of his fingers traced the area around it. Karkat shivered and felt himself clamp down on nothing, eager for Dave to be inside him already.

A finger slipped inside him, followed quickly by a second. Dave found his sweet spot instantly, knowing every inch of Karkat's body all too well. He pressed and rubbed, focusing intently on the area. Karkat's hands flew down and he grasped the bedsheets, twisting the fabric and trying not to writhe. Heat was beginning to pool in the pit of his stomach. He was getting so close. Dave removed his fingers. Karkat felt the head of his cock positioned at his entrance.

Dave leaned down and stroked his hair, kissed the top of his head. He slowly and carefully glided inside of him. Karkat gasped, his breath catching. His cheeks felt wet. Was he crying? Since when?

Dave was whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Calming and consoling him. Telling him he was loved and safe. He bit his lip to stop a whimper from sneaking out. He was drowning in his own emotions, completely taken with the moment and Dave's presence. Every thrust reaffirmed what he wanted to know.

 _Dave was here!_

 _Dave was safe!_

 _Dave was with him!_

Pleasure racked his body. He shook, tiny sparks lighting up and running over his skin. He was breathless as his vision blurred and then went white. He choked on a moan. Dave matched his noise with a grunt, thrusting one last time before Karkat felt all the tension and strain leave his body. Dave slumped forward, all his strength seeming to give. Karkat reached out and caught him, pulling Dave's body down on top of his. They lay panting together, Karkat's fingers mindlessly drawing on Dave's back. He breathed in and relaxed as Dave's scent washed over him.

"I love you," Karkat's hoarse voice croaked out and it had behind it all the sadness of when Dave wasn't with him, the joy he felt when he was, and the hope of a future still spent together.

Dave kissed his cheek and then his neck just under his ear. He mirrored all the feelings Karkat had conveyed, "I love you too."

Dave pulled up the comforter, trapping the heat rolling off of their entwined bodies in waves. It was stuffy and way too hot.

It felt perfect

It felt right.

It felt like home.


End file.
